It's the end of the year and with all this time on my hands, I've become extremely contemplative. This past week or so, I've been asking myself some serious life-changing questions. Is the job I have really where I want to be? I think we all know the answer to that question. Is this the year I should stop playing around and look to settle down, be in a relationship? Still trying to figure that one out. Does my ass look fat in these jeans? Yes, and I love it! I like my ass, if you haven't already guessed.
In all seriousness when the year comes to an end, I like to think that we all reflect on the year past and the year ahead. Think about the things we should have done and shouldn't have, the things we want to do different. I don't do anything as structured as write a detailed list. I've found that every time I write down my resolutions, I lose the paper and don't find it until the next year. However, whenever that piece of paper, or in my case WORD document, resurfaces, most of my list has been accomplished. So what do you do? Do you have a list and follow it to the T? What's on it? Also, what's your favorite way to spend New Year's Eve? My favorite so far is in another country with old friends and some new ones.
ciao,
Nik
The "F" word
No, I’m not talking about fuck (yeah, I said it) I’m talking about the other “F” word – Feminist. Anyone who knows me well enough knows I am very proud to call myself a feminist (as I feel all women should)- however I still can’t understand women who say things like “X Y and Z pisses me off, or is unfair but…oh I’m not a feminist or anything.” Um, excuse me? But when exactly did that become a bad thing and something to back pedal about? Personally, I’m quite tired of the negative stereotype out there of some rough, tough, butch-type woman who hates all men. I mean really, isn’t that getting a bit old? Let’s retire that one already – put it on the shelf…like, way, WAY in the back with that copy of "The Rules".
Now, I’m not going to sit here and say that men and women should be equals – cause really, I don’t want to be "equal" to a man. Men and women are different in so many ways – we were given natural strengths and weaknesses that compliment each other, which to me, creates a perfect balance. But what I do believe in is a fairness between men and women – that women should be given, at the very least, the same chances as men without any underlying element of repression. I know a lot of men out there probably think women are treated pretty damn good in terms of “equality” and being given fair shots, but I’m here to tell you that the glass ceiling does exist, and that there are still a lot of injustices out there happening to women daily.
In that light, and for the record, I do not ever condone women playing the victim - that we certainly are not. However, I do believe women have to work a little harder than our counterparts to even be noticed or considered in the same line up. Do I think it’s fair or right? No. But nevertheless we need to do what we have to in order to get there – even if it means pushing, clawing or scratching our way to the top. On a personal frustration level, specially in terms of the work place, I constantly see women get pigeon-holed into being receptionists, administrative assistants and secretaries as their way of getting “a foot in the door.” Now, there are a few male assistants sprinkled here and there, but it’s a lot rarer to see. Most of the time, men starting out in entry level positions are given better titles like junior account executive or associate coordinator. Do men have to take typing tests as part of their interview process? I think not. But women do. Fair?
Even more so than the glass ceiling bullshit, another topic affecting women is more important to me than anything – and that is violence against women. Every time I turn on the news another woman has been murdered, abducted, raped or beaten. Now, I don’t mean to be a downer here, but this shit is real, and it's unacceptable. I know that crimes are always going to happen, but the way our society has been socialized to accept this as “just the way things are” blows my mind. I read a book recently that talked about how women live their lives by the “rape schedule.” The rape schedule is simply the way women change little things in their daily lives due to a subconscious fear of being harmed. Ladies, think this doesn’t apply to you? Think again. When you’re walking to your parked car at night, do you get your keys out of your purse before you start walking – maybe even holding your biggest key in your hand just in case you need to use it as a weapon? Do you look around more when you’re by yourself, making sure no one is following you? Would you ever go for a walk or run at night? Women, whether they realize it or not, have trained themselves instinctively to be more aware and more cautious…most men don’t even give any of this a second thought when they’re out running errands, out at night or hanging out at a bar - they don't have the (no matter how tiny) fear of a predator lurking in the corner. The objectification of women in the media only adds to this epidemic – over-sexualizing women in such a way that we are viewed as objects open for the taking at any time. (But that’s a whole other post I might save for later…) I don’t have the answer on how to change any of this – and sadly, I’m sure it will only get worse…and that makes me sad and pissed off all at the same time.
So, what’s my bottom line? Women need to keep empowering themselves any way they can. Be it in their careers, personal lives or relationships, and especially how we view ourselves overall. Being a feminist doesn’t mean you’re some ugly broad who hates on men. I can be a feminist and still like to wear lipstick. I can be a feminist and still like a man to open my car door. It really boils my blood to hear people say I’m not REALLY a feminist when I enjoy things that are FEMININE (duh, I am a woman), or when I like men to, oh, I don’t know, have manners and be a gentleman?
Ladies, and gents, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. So speak up!
xo.
Now, I’m not going to sit here and say that men and women should be equals – cause really, I don’t want to be "equal" to a man. Men and women are different in so many ways – we were given natural strengths and weaknesses that compliment each other, which to me, creates a perfect balance. But what I do believe in is a fairness between men and women – that women should be given, at the very least, the same chances as men without any underlying element of repression. I know a lot of men out there probably think women are treated pretty damn good in terms of “equality” and being given fair shots, but I’m here to tell you that the glass ceiling does exist, and that there are still a lot of injustices out there happening to women daily.
In that light, and for the record, I do not ever condone women playing the victim - that we certainly are not. However, I do believe women have to work a little harder than our counterparts to even be noticed or considered in the same line up. Do I think it’s fair or right? No. But nevertheless we need to do what we have to in order to get there – even if it means pushing, clawing or scratching our way to the top. On a personal frustration level, specially in terms of the work place, I constantly see women get pigeon-holed into being receptionists, administrative assistants and secretaries as their way of getting “a foot in the door.” Now, there are a few male assistants sprinkled here and there, but it’s a lot rarer to see. Most of the time, men starting out in entry level positions are given better titles like junior account executive or associate coordinator. Do men have to take typing tests as part of their interview process? I think not. But women do. Fair?
Even more so than the glass ceiling bullshit, another topic affecting women is more important to me than anything – and that is violence against women. Every time I turn on the news another woman has been murdered, abducted, raped or beaten. Now, I don’t mean to be a downer here, but this shit is real, and it's unacceptable. I know that crimes are always going to happen, but the way our society has been socialized to accept this as “just the way things are” blows my mind. I read a book recently that talked about how women live their lives by the “rape schedule.” The rape schedule is simply the way women change little things in their daily lives due to a subconscious fear of being harmed. Ladies, think this doesn’t apply to you? Think again. When you’re walking to your parked car at night, do you get your keys out of your purse before you start walking – maybe even holding your biggest key in your hand just in case you need to use it as a weapon? Do you look around more when you’re by yourself, making sure no one is following you? Would you ever go for a walk or run at night? Women, whether they realize it or not, have trained themselves instinctively to be more aware and more cautious…most men don’t even give any of this a second thought when they’re out running errands, out at night or hanging out at a bar - they don't have the (no matter how tiny) fear of a predator lurking in the corner. The objectification of women in the media only adds to this epidemic – over-sexualizing women in such a way that we are viewed as objects open for the taking at any time. (But that’s a whole other post I might save for later…) I don’t have the answer on how to change any of this – and sadly, I’m sure it will only get worse…and that makes me sad and pissed off all at the same time.
So, what’s my bottom line? Women need to keep empowering themselves any way they can. Be it in their careers, personal lives or relationships, and especially how we view ourselves overall. Being a feminist doesn’t mean you’re some ugly broad who hates on men. I can be a feminist and still like to wear lipstick. I can be a feminist and still like a man to open my car door. It really boils my blood to hear people say I’m not REALLY a feminist when I enjoy things that are FEMININE (duh, I am a woman), or when I like men to, oh, I don’t know, have manners and be a gentleman?
Ladies, and gents, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. So speak up!
xo.
Double Standards: the Pimp vs. the Slut
This will be short and sweet, as I actually have work to do (surprise!) and I have little patience today for finding the words to adequately express my annoyance with the ridiculous double standards by which society dictates the sexual behaviors of men and women in this day and age. I am a fairly forward thinking, independent woman with a healthy outlook on on life, love, and sex. I've got no Daddy issues. I'm unattached, and happy to be so. I'm not going to give you one of those "I'm independent, I don't need a Man" speeches because let's face it, they're about as cliche as those "Girls Rule!" bumper stickers and if that Perfect Guy came along, I'd jump on that in a heartbeat. But he hasn't (yet) and I'm ok with that. Still ... I have needs as much as the next girl. And while those little toys in our bedside tables are a great invention (I thank you on behalf of women everywhere) -- they just don't cut it all the time. Sometimes, you just want to have sex.
Which brings me to the great Double Standard of our time: men who sleep with as many women as he wants to, and as casually as he wants to, are treated to high fives and general glorification by other men. Women who do the same thing are labeled as slutty, maybe permiscuous, or "taken advantage of" at best. Did anyone stop to consider that if I make a concious choice to have sex on occasion with someone who isn't looking to make me his girlfriend, it's because I want to? Don't get me wrong, there are some girls out there who do things, and by 'things' I mean 'have permiscuous sex', for all the wrong reasons. I am not one of them. I am selective. I respect myself, and for the most part I choose to have sex with people who (I believe) respect me too.
I also know my boundaries. I know when there is a possibility of me becoming attached, and when there isn't. I'm not immune to developing feelings for someone I might be sleeping with, and if I foresee that happening without recriprocal sentiments from the other party, I stop. If I feel like I'm being misled, or jerked around, or that I'm not being given the full story...that's also grounds for stopping. I realize this 'Sliding Scale' system of choosing who I sleep with, and when, might seem a little unorthodox. But it works for me.
That said, I don't claim that this is for everyone, or even for me all the time. I'd love to hear your thoughts, and I encourage comments of all variety.
Which brings me to the great Double Standard of our time: men who sleep with as many women as he wants to, and as casually as he wants to, are treated to high fives and general glorification by other men. Women who do the same thing are labeled as slutty, maybe permiscuous, or "taken advantage of" at best. Did anyone stop to consider that if I make a concious choice to have sex on occasion with someone who isn't looking to make me his girlfriend, it's because I want to? Don't get me wrong, there are some girls out there who do things, and by 'things' I mean 'have permiscuous sex', for all the wrong reasons. I am not one of them. I am selective. I respect myself, and for the most part I choose to have sex with people who (I believe) respect me too.
I also know my boundaries. I know when there is a possibility of me becoming attached, and when there isn't. I'm not immune to developing feelings for someone I might be sleeping with, and if I foresee that happening without recriprocal sentiments from the other party, I stop. If I feel like I'm being misled, or jerked around, or that I'm not being given the full story...that's also grounds for stopping. I realize this 'Sliding Scale' system of choosing who I sleep with, and when, might seem a little unorthodox. But it works for me.
That said, I don't claim that this is for everyone, or even for me all the time. I'd love to hear your thoughts, and I encourage comments of all variety.
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