Sometimes, I wish was someone different

I have this problem. It's really bad. I've had it all my conscious life and I just can't shake it. My problem is...I can't lie to myself. I'm sure all of us has a friend who sees things in life a certain way that has you thinking,"is she for real? how did she come to that conclusion?". Sometimes, I want to be that person. I want to be able to lie to myself and love it. Then I won't have to make difficult decisions or own up to my actions. It seems like it would be great! Unfortunately, since I don't lie to myself, I know it isn't for me. Ugh!! Sometimes, I get on my own nerves!!

A few posts ago I said that I hate having 'the talk'. Well now the fact that it hasn't come up is bugging the hell out of me. Yet, when I go over what I want to get out of it, I realize I don't know. I seriously do not what I want from having this talk. After most talks a relationship is defined, expectations are put on the table. Ugh, expectations. Expectations require commitment. I'm not ready to be committed. I'm not saying I can't be. I just haven't met that person I wanted to be committed to. And this is where my relationships start to fall. I don't think dating someone for 4-5 months is a long time. I'm a slow started and I don't feel like I've gotten to know a person long enough to be committed to them. Unfortunately, past relationships have shown me that most guys do think that is enough time to take the relationship to another level or just drop it all together. So now I'm faced with this person I'd like to keep around longer than 4 months, thus the talk. Wish me luck.

3 comments:

Trixie Firecracker said...

I can't lie to myself about that stuff either. But I always feel like I would be setting myself up for disappointment if I put expectations on the table. Either way, good luck.

<3 J. said...

I feel like sometimes it's better to just put it all out on the table instead of sitting around wondering, "what the hell is going on with us?"

Totally frustrating.

And yes. Expectations do suck. But if you really like someone, expecting nothing can def be worse!

Good luck!

JerseySjov said...

there are times when all the expectations and speculations get the best of you, and those are the times that you either need to totally bail or sit down and have THE TALK
obvi, having the big T is better than jumping ship, since you'll either get an understanding of what youre doing with your life or closure, whereas running away will most likely just give you shin splints.