Yes, I've been absent from the blog for a looooooong time but I've been stupid busy (more on that later). But I really have the need to vent right now.
So my and my sister go out tonight and make two stops - #1: The show for a band a friend plays in (not Seb, another guy) for his birthday; #2: A bar near my house that we adore where there is dancing on the weekends.
The second stop wasn't planned but it's so close to home, we thought we'd roll by and check it out. Walking up the block to get to the bar, this drunk dude told us that he loved us and thought we were pretty in Spanish while rolling a handmade cigarette. Which would've been sort of charming had it not been for the whole rolling action.
Then, on the way in, this short, rotund dude I'd never, ever date decided it was a good idea to grab my arm and say, "You would get here just as I was leaving."
My response? Pulling my arm away and giving him a look that most likely said, "Bitch please."
We only stayed for about 10 minutes and decided we were much too tired to stick around and, on the way out, Dude I'd Never Date #2 decided it was a good idea to grab my elbow to get my attention. I glanced at him and pulled my arm away and guess what? He just grabbed at my elbow some more. I think he might've been saying something but I honestly can't recall. I yanked my arm away (which now felt dirty), looked at him like he was crazy and kept walking.
I. Fucking. Hate. That.
I'm still kind of pissed off about it, actually. I've talked about The Grabber before. I've never been a fan but it hasn't happen in so long that I forgot just how much I hate it. And sweet buttery Christmas, it happened TWICE in a 10 minutes span!
Look, if I'm leaving or you're leaving, whatever the fuck, don't grab me. I don't know about you but I've been trained to instantly be prepared to defend myself if a stranger grabs me from out of nowhere. Unless I turn around and it's The Rock or Jensen Ackles, all you're doing is setting yourself up for a dirty look at best, physical assault at worst. And I don't know a single woman that particular move works on, do you?
So, my bit of advice in the wee hours of this Saturday morning is, if you're really interested in talking to a girl, take the time to tap her on the shoulder or say excuse me or say excuse me while gently taking her hand or square dance in front of her or almost anything other than laying your paws on her. Because immediate disqualification. Or immediate knee to the groin.
Showing posts with label Dos and Don'ts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dos and Don'ts. Show all posts
How To Be A Nice Guy and Still Get Girls Like An A--hole
Hello and welcome one and all.
So I feel utterly compelled now to give some answers and advice to the boys out there reading our blog regarding a question that has come up MORE THAN ONCE with me from my single bros: "Why do girls seem to always be attracted to the a--holes and us nice guys get the bum rap?"
Here's my take on this and some advice to all the uber-nice guys out there. Before I begin, I must put out a disclaimer that this is just my own, personal opinion. I'm sure I'll get tagged as a bit controversial, and/or have my gals and guys out there calling me out or disagreeing with me, but hey, this is the SGC and anything goes right? So here we go:
#1 - WHY ARE A LOT OF GIRLS ATTRACTED TO THE "BAD BOY"?
Ok, I admit it, there's a certain sexy "danger" to a bad boy, and I'm sure a lot of girls out there are with me. But here's the thing - if we can help it, we want the bad boy image with the good boy sensibilities. We are sexual beings as much as you boys, and we're drawn to the masculin-ey manness that bad boys exude. Oh, like flies to honey. And damn, a lot of times the bad boys are sooooo gooooood... you know what I mean?
Unfortunately, by being drawn to the sexy number with the tats and the hard biceps and dark gaze, we succumb and later find out about the heroin, the hos or the hitting ... Horribly for us, a lot of "bad boys" know that they're chick magnets and cultivate it, hone it, fine tune it. In addition, they KNOW that lots of us girls can be emotionally manipulated (not all of us, mind you) as long as the sex is hot and we get JUST enough attention and romance. Sadly, a lot of girls know only this kind of guy, and that's all they know. And only because they just won't give the nice guys a chance. So here's where we go to ...
#2 - HOW CAN I ATTRACT THE GIRL WHO LOVES THE BAD BOY BUT ACHES FOR THE GOOD GUY?
Here's a (not so) eye-opening revelation: Almost all girls out there want both. Unfortunately, a good number of guys are either/or. These men are either too bad or too nice. The answer is to strike the balance. And NO, I'm not saying be more of an a-hole. God forbid. What I mean is to cultivate your "naughty" or "wicked" or oh-so-interestingly-sexy-and mysterious side while keeping your nice guy sentimentalities as strong as ever. Here's my advice on how:
Remember a somewhat popular saying that men "love their woman to be a lady in public and a tiger/tramp/whore in the bedroom?" Well most women can attest to wanting kind of the same thing with their guy. But then there's the initial draw...
If you have something - anything - about you that's interesting, sexy, tantalizing, perhaps a bit "dangerous," flaunt it a bit and use it as a foil to your nice-guy-ities. To me, NOTHING is hotter and more attractive than, say, a man with a shaved head and tats and a dark gaze, who also loves to cook, loves music, enjoys chick flicks as much as action flicks, is talented, smart, funny, sensitive, and is humble, respectful, honest and kind. Oh, and drama free - did I say drama free? But that's just my own, personal taste. I think you get the idea.
The problem with nice guys is that their niceness translates too intensely in their first impression as well as once the relationship is going. We want NICE, not milquetoast. It's difficult and frustrating to describe, but try to be forward without being overeager or annoying, be respectful but not ingratiating, be humble without be overly self-depracating, be gentlemanly without being insulting. We girls are visual creatures too, so dress well - I'm not saying you have to be all GQ about it - but we appreciate a well-chosen, clean, simple outfit. (A well-fitting t-shirt or button-down with dark rinse jeans and really cool shoes never fails, and screams enough effort while looking effortless.)
In my ideal world, NO ONE picks up ANYONE at a bar anymore, because, really.... but if you must, please refer to Tamara's post long ago on Do's & Don'ts of "Hollering At A Girl". In my ideal world, you meet people through mutual friends or at a party, you strike up a conversation, you listen more than you talk, you attempt to find mutual interests, you attempt to AT LEAST act interested. You then say "It was great meeting you, I'd love to hang out with you again sometime" and numbers are exchanged. In an ideal world... But that's another blog.
Round two: Once a relationship is established, a lot of nice guys out there exude niceness and make so much effort to be nice and "respectful" to their woman that all the hot, dirty danger, mystery, and tantalizing teasing goes out the door.
Just as you guys out there love when we girls revel every so often in our femininity - our womanly wiles, smiles and styles (oh, how we like wearing our lingerie/getting naked for you if you give us a good reason to!) We girls love all things MANLY about you. For some girls it's a sharpened wit and a protective, helpful air every so often. For others it's as blatant as cavemanish actions behind closed doors. Get to know your woman and find out what gets her going.
One big thing is... the little things. Yes we love sex, but we also love affection as well as a little bit of naughty assertiveness. You can be nice and gentlemanly, but sneak us some kisses, strokes, and squeezes every day. You just opened that jar for us? Hand it back to us with a smile, then walk behind us and... nibble us on the ear as you walk past. Tickle our foot or kneecap under the table, then smile innocently. (No, I didn't say MAKE OUT or stick your tongue in our ear in public. I draw the line on some extreme forms of PDA, thank you very much.)
When you come home from work/practice/whatever, greet us at the door with a hug and kiss. But EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, greet us with a hug and a kiss ... then take our face in your hands, kiss us full, then push us against the wall...
I think you get the drift.
Strike the balance. Nice guys, cultivate your bad guy - your safe bad guy inner self - and you'll have us melting in your hands.
Excuse me now. There's a man waiting for me to come to bed. ;)
So I feel utterly compelled now to give some answers and advice to the boys out there reading our blog regarding a question that has come up MORE THAN ONCE with me from my single bros: "Why do girls seem to always be attracted to the a--holes and us nice guys get the bum rap?"
Here's my take on this and some advice to all the uber-nice guys out there. Before I begin, I must put out a disclaimer that this is just my own, personal opinion. I'm sure I'll get tagged as a bit controversial, and/or have my gals and guys out there calling me out or disagreeing with me, but hey, this is the SGC and anything goes right? So here we go:
#1 - WHY ARE A LOT OF GIRLS ATTRACTED TO THE "BAD BOY"?
Ok, I admit it, there's a certain sexy "danger" to a bad boy, and I'm sure a lot of girls out there are with me. But here's the thing - if we can help it, we want the bad boy image with the good boy sensibilities. We are sexual beings as much as you boys, and we're drawn to the masculin-ey manness that bad boys exude. Oh, like flies to honey. And damn, a lot of times the bad boys are sooooo gooooood... you know what I mean?
Unfortunately, by being drawn to the sexy number with the tats and the hard biceps and dark gaze, we succumb and later find out about the heroin, the hos or the hitting ... Horribly for us, a lot of "bad boys" know that they're chick magnets and cultivate it, hone it, fine tune it. In addition, they KNOW that lots of us girls can be emotionally manipulated (not all of us, mind you) as long as the sex is hot and we get JUST enough attention and romance. Sadly, a lot of girls know only this kind of guy, and that's all they know. And only because they just won't give the nice guys a chance. So here's where we go to ...
#2 - HOW CAN I ATTRACT THE GIRL WHO LOVES THE BAD BOY BUT ACHES FOR THE GOOD GUY?
Here's a (not so) eye-opening revelation: Almost all girls out there want both. Unfortunately, a good number of guys are either/or. These men are either too bad or too nice. The answer is to strike the balance. And NO, I'm not saying be more of an a-hole. God forbid. What I mean is to cultivate your "naughty" or "wicked" or oh-so-interestingly-sexy-and mysterious side while keeping your nice guy sentimentalities as strong as ever. Here's my advice on how:
Remember a somewhat popular saying that men "love their woman to be a lady in public and a tiger/tramp/whore in the bedroom?" Well most women can attest to wanting kind of the same thing with their guy. But then there's the initial draw...
If you have something - anything - about you that's interesting, sexy, tantalizing, perhaps a bit "dangerous," flaunt it a bit and use it as a foil to your nice-guy-ities. To me, NOTHING is hotter and more attractive than, say, a man with a shaved head and tats and a dark gaze, who also loves to cook, loves music, enjoys chick flicks as much as action flicks, is talented, smart, funny, sensitive, and is humble, respectful, honest and kind. Oh, and drama free - did I say drama free? But that's just my own, personal taste. I think you get the idea.
The problem with nice guys is that their niceness translates too intensely in their first impression as well as once the relationship is going. We want NICE, not milquetoast. It's difficult and frustrating to describe, but try to be forward without being overeager or annoying, be respectful but not ingratiating, be humble without be overly self-depracating, be gentlemanly without being insulting. We girls are visual creatures too, so dress well - I'm not saying you have to be all GQ about it - but we appreciate a well-chosen, clean, simple outfit. (A well-fitting t-shirt or button-down with dark rinse jeans and really cool shoes never fails, and screams enough effort while looking effortless.)
In my ideal world, NO ONE picks up ANYONE at a bar anymore, because, really.... but if you must, please refer to Tamara's post long ago on Do's & Don'ts of "Hollering At A Girl". In my ideal world, you meet people through mutual friends or at a party, you strike up a conversation, you listen more than you talk, you attempt to find mutual interests, you attempt to AT LEAST act interested. You then say "It was great meeting you, I'd love to hang out with you again sometime" and numbers are exchanged. In an ideal world... But that's another blog.
Round two: Once a relationship is established, a lot of nice guys out there exude niceness and make so much effort to be nice and "respectful" to their woman that all the hot, dirty danger, mystery, and tantalizing teasing goes out the door.
Just as you guys out there love when we girls revel every so often in our femininity - our womanly wiles, smiles and styles (oh, how we like wearing our lingerie/getting naked for you if you give us a good reason to!) We girls love all things MANLY about you. For some girls it's a sharpened wit and a protective, helpful air every so often. For others it's as blatant as cavemanish actions behind closed doors. Get to know your woman and find out what gets her going.
One big thing is... the little things. Yes we love sex, but we also love affection as well as a little bit of naughty assertiveness. You can be nice and gentlemanly, but sneak us some kisses, strokes, and squeezes every day. You just opened that jar for us? Hand it back to us with a smile, then walk behind us and... nibble us on the ear as you walk past. Tickle our foot or kneecap under the table, then smile innocently. (No, I didn't say MAKE OUT or stick your tongue in our ear in public. I draw the line on some extreme forms of PDA, thank you very much.)
When you come home from work/practice/whatever, greet us at the door with a hug and kiss. But EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, greet us with a hug and a kiss ... then take our face in your hands, kiss us full, then push us against the wall...
I think you get the drift.
Strike the balance. Nice guys, cultivate your bad guy - your safe bad guy inner self - and you'll have us melting in your hands.
Excuse me now. There's a man waiting for me to come to bed. ;)
Accessories Make (or Break) The Man
We've been talking a lot about what type of clothes men should wear, but haven't mentioned anything about accessories...until now. I took a sampling of 15 items and created a survey for 5 ladies (including myself) to fill out. The answers are not given in any particular order.
This represents the general impression these accessories give us and, as we all have fairly diverse taste in men, can serve as a general guide to the pros and cons of sporting the following bits and pieces.
This represents the general impression these accessories give us and, as we all have fairly diverse taste in men, can serve as a general guide to the pros and cons of sporting the following bits and pieces.
1. Puka Shell Necklace
Um, unless you were born and raised on an island do not wear. Or you just have some seriously hippie parents. I know some people like that.
“let’s catch some bitchin’ waves, bruh” - Surfer dude with limited intellect, or possibly just a very toolish frat guy.
Depending on the outfit, you’re from Hawaii, part of the “surf culture” or are a frat boy. If you are not from Hawaii or a surfer, it’s pretty much one of The Marks to look out for - in a bad way.
“Yo, Bra, next time we should like, TOTALLY try heli-skiing. Dude. KEGGER ON FRIDAY!!!!!!” Rating: 2 – pretty crap.
This reminds me of a guy I used to date in high school who also used to wear Hawaiian shirts. He was a tool. Enough said.
2. Kangol Cap
Depending who’s wearing it, I would say the guy is trying to be hip – although maybe a few years late in the “hip-game”? I don’t know…didn’t these come out in like, the early 90’s? I’m confused…make it stop.“Look at me, I’m taking it back to the old skool cuz I’m so cool. And Samuel L. Jackson bit MY style, get it right.” (Starts pop-locking) Rating: 4 – leaning towards “eh.”
Again, depends on the outfit and the way it’s worn. Probably a hip-hop head…or from the East Coast maybe? Definitely worn by a guy with his own sense of style, whether it’s good or bad style is the question.
Are you tapping into your inner Mos Def, Shaft, Grandmaster Flash, or Samuel L. Jackson? No matter how hard you tap, you’ll never get there.
Oh barf, my ex-boyfriend had one of these. “look at me and how stylish I am. I have lots of style. I’m cool and stylish.” Translation: tries too hard.
3. Wallet with Chain
Then: the cute skater dude in high school with the i-don’t-care attitude, hair in his eyes, and adorable smile – I was so in love with Ian Coad.
Now: uh, welcome to the year 2007. put that shit away. What are you, seventeen?
Oh hell no.
Makes me think of greasers, skateboarders, and hipsters. Average number of tattoos for a guy with a wallet/chain is 2. It could work for some guys…and work against most.
I see black leather and a Harley. I also see long stringy unkempt hair and smell the scent of a three week old unwashed body. EEEWWW!!
“X is playing at Little Temple tonight. I’m heading over there in my ’57 chevy after I get a touch up on my Jesus tat.” Rating: 5 – it’s ok. Kind of lagging on the trends, but some guys can rock it.
I like these but not all men can wear them. Know who you are and act accordingly.If combined with a pink, popped-collar polo shirt, extremely toolish.
“Lady, let me take you up to Neptune’s Net on my Goldwing. I’ve got a brand new pair of croc boots I’m just dying to break in… don’t touch the ‘stache.” Rating: 2 – just… wow.
Well, again, depending on who’s wearing these I’d think the guy most likely “bears the mark” however, I still think they’re kinda hot. Cause apparently I like assholes.
Asshole. Or Frat guy. Or both. Especially if it’s worn indoors/at night. It is The Mark. “When you’re cool, the sun always shines on you…” Will offer to bang you in a dirty men’s bathroom because they saw it on a video and if it’s good enough for half the R&B artists in the world then it’s good enough for them.
5. Big/Fasionable Belt Buckle
“I am trying to rock something so craptastic, it’s cool. Can you tell? That’s right.” Rating: 3 – craptastic or 6 – craptastically awesome, depending on the guy.Again, depends on how it’s worn and with what. If it’s got a spinner on it, then it could be awesome in that self-aware/ironic way. Unless he’s serious, and then it’s just sad. If it’s got the Superman emblem on it, he’s a nerd on the inside if not the out.
Oh hell no. (unless he was a hot, ripped cowboy ala John Travolta in Urban Cowboy…casue then I’d say giddy up)
Just no. This is too trendy to tell you anything about the guy, except that he likes big shiny things
“I read GQ”
6. Cuff Watch
Yes, I like it. I’d think this guy was very fashionable yet masculine.
These are great when it is the only thing you are wearing that is a little cutting edge. DO NOT WEAR with the wallet and chain combo.
The man has style but isn’t trying to parade around his bank roll like some other diamond-studded watch wearers (cough *small penis* cough).
“Next time, let’s rock the 101 Diner. I’m so over the jerk chicken salad at Swingers. And … um… me and the super-tatted waitress… we had a thing back in the day and it gets a little uncomfortable. Know what I mean?” Rating: 7 – pretty decent.
This could so work depending on the guy and the style of watch. On the trendy side…though it’s not a current "hot" trend which may indicate that this is a guy who likes what he likes and will continue to wear it regardless of what mean things others may say. So, I guess that means he’s fashionable but low-key. Could also be a manwhore because I look at this watch and think of Colin Farrell - which also makes me think he will probably let you tie him to the bedpost during sex.
7. Diamond Stud Earrings
Flossy.Definitely a man who enjoys preening his feathers. And enjoys The Bling. And I’m sorry, but white men should just…not.
“Whatcha got there baby? You shakin’ that sh_t for me, huh… yeah… You got me wanting to dance real close, dancing real close… Don’t walk away, baby.” Rating: 3 – hahahahahahahahhahaa
If he’s wearing a pair, most likely a black guy (or an honorary black guy) and/or uber-fashionable. 50% chance of ultra-manicured goatee, sideburns, or (god forbid) chinstrap beard. The bigger the earrings are, the higher the odds that they play professional sports or are a recording artist of some kind. If it’s a single earring, that’s pretty standard and doesn’t quite make much difference in the grand scheme of things. Unless it’s a nose-piercing. Then you’re a counter-culture nouveau-hippie and your name is Lenny Kravitz.
We fly high. No lie. We balling. BALLING! Cut that nonsense out right now
8. Newsboy Hat
Eh…ok I guess. Again, hats are very tricky as some guys can pull them off, and some just like stupid. If he had that who hipster-i-don’t-care-what-I-wear-yet-i-really-spent-$300-on-these-jeans-look …. Then I think this would work.“Bitch, you know I’m too cool for all you fools.” Rating: 4 – only if you’re gay or totally hip-hop metro.
Please sir can’t I have some more?
All I can think of when I look at this particular hat is will.i.am from the black eyed peas. Guys who wear the Newsboy most likely have a collection of hats including fedoras and those knit ball cap/beanies. May have a weirdly shaped or big head and is trying to hide it. Possibly knows how to swing dance.
Wait, men actually wear these? Not just Seventeen Magazine cover models from the mid-90s?
9. Leather Cuff
I, personally, like cuff bracelets. Like the cuff watch, could be yummy depending on the guy and the type of cuff. Also, like the watch, it makes me think of Colin Farrell or Orlando Bloom which, in turn, makes me think of sex.
I sense some type of bondage fetish.
Nice. I like it. fashionable and masculine. Which is always a good thing. This is one of the few accessories a guy can get away with without looking like he’s trying too hard.
“I’m so Emo and moody. I’m so above the rest of you poor slaves to Corporate America. … But I still like to look good.”
“I’m heading to Melrose on Saturday. Wanna come? Then on Sunday night I’m gonna go see Maroon 5 play. I’ll see if I can get extra tickets.” Rating: 5 – see accessory #3.
10. "Man Bracelet"
He might be The Gay.“Even I’m too sexy for my wrist.” Rating: 5: It’s ok, depending on the man, the bracelet style, and the situation.
Hmm. This is a bit dodgy. Could be hot…could be awful. Once again, it depends on how it’s worn and with what. As far as jewelry goes, it’s pretty manly. Makes me think of stylish football players and manwhores (not mutually exclusive designations).
Gay Gay Gay.
Is your name Guido?
11. Non-Military Dogtags
Could be hot. JT-esque to me…which is ALWAYS a good thing.I brought one of these for my cousin one Christmas!!! In my defense his was a watch combo thingy. Really, if Uncle Sam (or your girl cousin) didn’t give it to you, don’t wear it.
I’ve yet to see anyone in real life wear these. It could work, I suppose, but my gut feeling is not so much.
“My pals and I are driving up to Lucerne Valley to go shooting. I don’t know when I’ll be back.” Rating: 1 – geez… not even REAL Military dog tags? I mean, wearing real dog tags outside of your base/tour of duty is pretty silly enough.
White trash, no two ways about it.
12. Pinky Ring
Play on playa’“Yo, Tony, round the boys up. We’re gonna have some batting practice with Johnny behind Mel’s Pizza.” Rating: 0 - I’m not even gonna say anything.
Is your name Tony Montoya?
I must be out of the loop, because I’ve never even seen this phenomenon. Obviously whoever wears one is a Baller.
This guy is gross in one way or another. Like Aviator Guy, will ask to bang you…except this time it’s in his corvette or the coat check room since his “Uncle Paulie owns the joint”.
13. 80's Style Gold Chain
Oh hell no, again. Unless he’s chaining me up with that I don’t want any part of it…This goes with the Kangol hat. It was the 80’s, leave it there. Unless you’re Big Daddy Kane and like to relive the glory days.
This better be for an 80’s or Pimps & Ho’s party…
He fell into a coma in 1986 and just woke up last week. Or he’s from one of those little Southern towns in which Jheri Curls and Freezes are still “acceptable” hairstyles to rock. Which they aren’t and never were.
“Uh Uh Uh, Yeah… uh… WHAT? OK!” Rating: 0 (Then Lil Jon comes up and bitch slaps him.)
14. Hemp Jewelry of Any Kind
Probably has white-boy dreads or is in a frat. 50% probability of smelling like patchouli. Owns at least 3 tie-dye shirts and has Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” on record and/or cd. Also owns a black light and 2 or more black light posters. Most assuredly smokes pot.The outdoorsy, smokes-weed-regularly, travels through the mountains of Nepal with only a backpack, is concerned about the environment and stages anti-war protests guy.
Or, my ex Jacob.
Stoner. Or just lame. It’d be a hard call.
NO!!! It gets dirty and . . . just NO!
“Dude, Burning Man was so awesome last year. We gotta get more people out to help with our installation this time.” Rating: 2 - …. Yeah.
15. Pimp Cup
“What?! Yea-ah!”“They only want me for my pimp juice! Ooooooo-ooooo!” Part of Lil’ Jon’s or Snoop’s crew or is named Bishop Don Magic Juan. If not, it had better be your birthday and it had better be a joke gift. Unacceptable if not used ironically.
I have no words. Rating: I… I can’t.
Who are you, King Henry the VIII? Lil Jon? Again. NO!
Seb.
{NOTE: Seb (pictured) is rad and the bass player for the kickass band known as Division Day.}
The Dos and Don’ts of “Holla”ing At A Girl: Lesson 2 - Don’t Be “That Guy”
We all know “That Guy” (aka This Dude aka This MothaF#(@&). He pops up whenever girls go out and makes such an unfavorable impression that he is the subject of subsequent storytelling sessions for months, if not years. In further effort to help you poor, clueless gentlemen out there in the world, I present to you a list of offenders in hopes that you never become them. P.S. If you know a guy like this, tell him to cut it out. If you are one of these guys, what the hell is wrong with you? Stop it. 
That Guy: The Sneak Freak
Jerk Level: 5 (out of 5)
Native Habitat: Clubs and bars where there’s dancing
Offensive Behavior: Sneaks up behind a girl he’s had no prior contact with (usually many girls as this is serial behavior) and “dances” with them – and by “dances” I mean “rubbing his junk all up on her without permission”. Because nothing says sexy like being accosted by a stranger. (That’s sarcasm.)
Assumed Purpose: To feel up on a girl and maybe, if she’s drunk enough, get her to have a one night stand.
Why It’s Offensive: First of all, having a stranger suddenly attach his crotch to your rear, accompanied by grinding motions, is just plain creepy and disrespectful. As DJ says, “Nothing’s grosser than feeling a random groin against your ass when you were just trying to get your groove on.” For the love of all that’s holy, ask a girl to dance. She’ll most likely say yes and you’ll get to grind on her anyway. Secondly, it’s a safe bet to say that Sneak Freaks are not interested in having a girlfriend and are just trying to get into the victim’s Victoria’s. Which is all fine and good, but at least pretend a little? Thirdly, we assume that a guy who does this is hideous in some way and must try to “seal the deal” before the girl can turn around and see his deformities (ex: greasy hair, gold chains, shiny shirts, etc.). And if he isn’t hideous, he’s an unseasoned manwhore and the unseasoned part makes him unworthy of your time.
That Guy: The Grabber
Jerk Level: 3 to 5, depending on location of grab
Native Habitat: Any and everywhere, especially crowded places.
Offensive Behavior: Grabs every girl he thinks is attractive that walks by him, sometimes by the arm…sometimes he grabs something else.
Assumed Purpose: To get a girl’s attention and/or cop a feel.
Why It’s Offensive: Because you don’t grab a girl if you don’t know her, and usually not even then. That’s a surefire way to get cut. Shank, shank.
That Guy: Mr. Feely
Jerk Level: Varies
Native Habitat: Wherever liquor and a “singles’ scene” meet.
Offensive Behavior: Begins touching a girl (hand on the small of the back, touching her hand, sliding hand down her arm, etc) he’s just begun talking to without any indication of it being okay. He is usually drunk.
Assumed Purpose: To indicate interest and be flirty.
Why It’s Offensive: Because, when poorly timed, it can be off-putting, even creepy. It’s that whole “too much, too fast” thing. And if excessive, it’s downright scary (especially when the guy is drunk). A girl likes to know a guy is into her, just not so into her that she must be escorted to her car by a bouncer.
That Guy: The Space Invader
Jerk Level: Varies
Native Habitat: Any and everywhere social
Offensive Behavior: A cousin of Mr. Feely, he stands far too close to a girl either while talking to her or when working up to talking to her. Normally this isn’t a problem, but there’s usually an underlying energy that makes it icky. Like, “this guy is 3 seconds away from pressing his crotch against me” icky.
Assumed Purpose: Yet another misguided attempt at flirting. Or his trying to smell her hair when she’s not looking.
Why It’s Offensive: Most people are pretty sensitive about their personal space and this is especially true when it comes to courting. It’s like those Discovery Channel/KCET specials about mating habits in the wild – if the approach is ill-timed, the suitor gets nothing. The real problem is it feels like the guy is hovering and expecting something, which does not sit well. Or, worst case scenario, it seems like the guy is going to do something creepy while we’re not looking (ruffie, air-hump for the benefit of friends who are looking, etc.) and that’s just not cool.
That Guy: The Predator
Jerk Level: 3 (can max out to 5 depending on behavior after contact)
Native Habitat: Clubs and Bars
Offensive Behavior: Lurks around a girl, watching and waiting for a long time before approaching. Has at least one other guy with him because Predators tend to travel in packs.
Assumed Purpose: To scope out a girl and her friends and devise the best method of attack/assess the competition – or else is waiting for the drinks to kick in.
Why It’s Offensive: I know that, deep down, we’re all really just animals (for some, it’s more on the surface than anyone would like). However, I think I speak for most women when I say I don’t like identifying with a wounded gazelle out on the plains that feels the piercing eyes of impending doom upon it when I’m shaking my ass to a Timbaland beat. What it boils down to is the irritation of knowing this dude is there, and has been there, and is doing nothing. We see you. We see you whispering to your friends. We see you watching us or our friends. We see you leave momentarily only to return to the same spot 3 minutes later. Don’t just stand there watching like it’s a damn strip club, you putz. Grow a pair and say something already.
That Guy: Cell Phone Larry Flynt
Jerk Level: 5
Native Habitat: Clubs, Bars, Beaches, Mardi Gras – basically anywhere there’s women, but especially where there’s women and alcohol
Offensive Behavior: Takes pictures/videos of girls’ asses, or down a girl’s shirt when she’s leaning over, or up a girl’s skirt on an escalator, etc. Always taken without the consent of the girl.
Assumed Purpose: I’m sure we all know what they’re doing with the pictures.
Why It’s Offensive: If you don’t know why, then you’re a bloody idiot and need to be slapped and/or kicked square in the nuts.
That Guy: The Attached aka “I know I’m with my girlfriend but you’re hot”
Jerk Level: 5+
Native Habitat: Social engagements of all kinds, including house parties, picnics, and outings to bars
Offensive Behavior: Is clearly already with a chick but still gives another girl the up and down. May smile at her whilst girlfriend’s attention lies elsewhere. Extreme cases have been known to make contact while girlfriend is in the bathroom.
Assumed Purpose: Um…to get stabbed by his girlfriend in his sleep?
Why It’s Offensive: Look dude, I don’t know what your relationship is with that woman you came here with, but I’m not looking to find out. Don’t use me as an excuse to break-up. Be a man and do it yourself.
That Guy: The Vulture
Jerk Level: 3 to 5
Native Habitat: Bars, Clubs, After-Hour Restaraunts.
Offensive Behavior: A more evolved (or devolved) version of The Predator, he waits until about 30 minutes before Last Call to start earnestly picking up women, most likely hoping they’ll be too drunk to say no. Barrages pick up the pace when the lights go up and he realizes he has precious little time to seal any deal.
Assumed Purpose: To wait until a girl is drunk enough to let her guard down so he can swoop in and take advantage.
Why It’s Offensive: If you really think I’m cute, come talk to me when you see me. If you think I need to be drunk to land me, float on bitch, float on.
That Guy: Mr. Persistent
Jerk Level: Starts out a 1, ends up a 5
Native Habitat: Bars and Clubs mostly, but occasionally pops up at other social gatherings like house parties
Offensive Behavior: Comes and talks to a woman but she’s not that responsive. He, however, thinks he just needs to try again so she can see how awesome he thinks he is. Woman is less responsive, more irritated. Repeat cycle ad infinitum.
Assumed Purpose: To wear a girl down until she says "yes".
Why It’s Offensive: Some women don’t like to be mean when they’re not into a potential suitor. Some men mistake this for having a chance. They’re wrong and they should go away before the woman’s friend has to come over and clown them.
That Guy: Mr. Equal Opportunity
Jerk Level: 5
Native Habitat: Bars and Clubs
Offensive Behavior: Will hit on a girl…and all of her friends.
Assumed Purpose: To increase his chances of getting lucky.
Why It’s Offensive: Focus, mother fucker. I know it’s a numbers game and all that but I don’t care how hot you are. Overtly hitting on me and even one other girl in my group is grounds for immediate disqualification. Because focus.
That Guy: Liquid Courage Guy
Jerk Level: 2 to 5, depending on the type of drunk he is
Native Habitat: Anywhere there’s alcohol and socializing
Offensive Behavior: Can’t seem to get up the nuts to talk to a girl unless he’s snuckered.
Assumed Purpose: To have the courage to talk to a girl.
Why It’s Offensive: Unfortunately for these poor bastards, being drunk and hitting on a woman usually doesn’t end well (due to the slurring and uncensored comments and such). As a general rule, men should not be allowed to say exactly what they’re thinking when talking to a woman they’re attracted to...because then you get lines like “I can’t help but thinking as you’re pouring syrup on those pancakes how much I’d like to pour syrup on your tits.” (This was actually said to me. No shit. Mo is my witness.)
That Guy: Creepy Guy aka The King of Staring
Jerk Level: 5 on account of being so damn creepy
Native Habitat: Anywhere…even where you work
Offensive Behavior: Will. Not. Stop. Staring. And usually with big buggy eyes and/or an emotionless expression on his face. Yeesh.
Assumed Purpose: Either to hypnotize a girl or see into her soul.
Why It’s Offensive: What? What’re you looking at? Why are you staring? You’re creeping me out, man. Cut it out.
Bartenders Don't Always Know Best
This little thread is in honor of an MSN article that we recently scoffed. Scoff along, won't you?
Bartenders’ best pickup advice
Few people have such a front-row seat to the dating and mating game as a bartender. Every night, these drink slingers watch would-be studs crash and burn, unlikely couples happily hook up, and more. Thanks to this experience, they’ve compiled a wealth of knowledge on the moves that work—not to mention those that bomb. Here, their best advice.
Try this easy opener
“I think the easiest way for a guy to start talking to a girl is to get next to her while she’s ordering her own drink and say, “That one’s on me.” Every girl will at least say thank you and if she’s interested, she’ll stick around and start a conversation.”
—Gia Favia, Rino, Chicago
Mo: That’s a pretty good one. I’d like to add that once she says “Thank you”, then you should wait until the girl introduces herself first. Because then you know that she has at least a miniscule bit of interest in you. Otherwise, if she says “Thanks” and then walks away, you know your answer. Note that the bartender who gave this piece of advice is a GIRL.
T: I agree that this is good. One of the only bits of advice that has true merit. I’d also like to note that the advice depends on where these bartenders are. Note that this girl if from Chicago. From my experiences, Chicago guys can be pretty straight-forward which girls appreciate.
Stand out with a signature drink
“For both guys and girls, the meeting and hooking-up game is all about making an impression. Sure… I think finding a signature drink helps you stand out from the pack of gin and tonics and vodka sodas. Not necessarily. Women who are sipping a bourbon definitely have a lot more mystique than one with a standard pink drink, True, I suppose… But is “mystique” really the right word? Drinks definitely say a lot about a person but, other than having a hearty tolerance or a dislike of sweet drinks, I don’t see how not ordering “the standard pink drink” really tells you a lot about a girl. just like a guy with a Manhattan seems more interesting than one with a beer. A Manhattan? That’s the gay man’s version of a martini. Napes on that. However, if he drinks a microbrew, a martini, a bourbon/scotch on the rocks, or some unfruity mixed drink that he made up himself, then that’s cool. I refer back to my 2005 study “What does a drink say about a man?” Find the drink that suits your style and personality and have a fun, cute story to go with it. Like ‘I drink Manhattans because my grandfather did.’ Um, I don’t care if your pappy drank it. You don’t. Unless you’re gay. Anything that helps you stand out from the pack and start a conversation is a plus.”
—Josh Wojcik, Chocolat Michel Cluizel, New York
”Anything that helps you stand out”? That’s scary. Next thing you know, there’ll be men all over the place wearing houndstooth Kangol hats and women with feather boas, etc. wtf. I’m sorry, but personally, if you’re doing or drinking or wearing something for the sole purpose of standing out, I can usually read that and it means you’re trying too hard. Oh, and note that the bartender giving this advice this time is a GUY.
A guy who seems to work someplace shi-shi, which means it’s full of fronters. Which means make up some bullshit story to justify the fact you like girly drinks. If you like girly drinks, fine. Just be a man and own that shit.
Stick to the three-minute rule
“From what I’ve seen, a woman’s usually made up her mind about a guy in the first three minutes—and I’ve never seen anyone’s mind change after that. So guys should go in for the pickup, but if three minutes go by and she’s not warming up, they should cut their losses and move on.”
—David Cerequas, Craftbar, New York
That’s one rule that I think is not hard and fast. Sometimes it can take a girl 5 minutes. LOL
Pretty solid advice…though I agree that 5 minutes is the topper. Also notice that Craftbar sounds less pompous than “Chocolat Michel Cluizel”.
Be sincere
“From what I’ve seen, it’s the Year of the Geeks and Good Guys: It’s not about being suave or sexy, but about being genuine and attentive. Women are tired of being hit on by jerks whose heads swivel every time another pretty girl walks by. Give a woman your undivided attention, and you’ll stand out from the crowd.”
—Terril Johnson, Shortstop, Los Angeles
Yeah, but don’t stare at her too hard or too long. Then it’s just stalker.
Best. Advice. Here. And look…he/she works at the Shortstop…(one of the most unpretentious bars you'll ever step in)
Look out for the Lemon Drop
“You can definitely spot the girls who are looking for a good time and want to flirt: They usually come in groups and line up at the bar versus at a table to make it easier for guys to talk to them. And if you see them drinking Lemon Drops — a yellowish liquid in a shot glass garnished with a lemon that’s been dipped in sugar — it’s a sure sign that these girls just wanna have fun! It’s replaced the Cosmo as the drink of choice for the Sex and the City-type girls.”
I’m one of those girls who never joined the Sex and the City bandwagon. Maybe it’s because … hmmm… I dunno… a strong, independent woman who knows what she wants and if that means she wants lots of unattached sex… that’s not new, at least to moi. Yes, the Cosmo is played out, but if it’s the Lemon Drop that’s the new “hey, look at me guys, I wanna have fun!” then perhaps you should stick to the Cosmo because it’s UNCOOL and so you won’t be part of this heifer bandwagon. Just saying. Geez, just drink what you like. Unless you’re a guy and drink Cosmos. LOL
—Erica Jobe, Moda, New York I’m disappointed in you, Erica. Uncool? Yes. But it sounds like she works at the type of bar “those girls” frequent. And by “those girls” I mean drunken whores.
Try talking about your troubles
“There was one guy who got a call on his cell phone about his dog being injured by a car—it felt like every woman in the bar was trying to help him and comfort him. Now, I’m not recommending guys lie and say their pet was hurt, but the lesson here is don’t be afraid to tell a girl about a dilemma or problem you’re struggling with. Women like to help.”
—Chris Lower, Gator’s, Minnesota
Oh lord, once again I’m seeing fleeting images of men at bars around the country looking all wounded puppy (no pun intended) just so some girl can go “what’s wrong?” And he’ll say some lame-ass story just to get in your pants. NYET!!!! This ONLY happens if the girl is already into you. And even if your “predicament” is for real, most girls who are chipping in wanting to help you out are… just chipping in wanting to help you out. It often doesn’t mean that she’s creaming her jeans for you. Sorry to be rude.
Also, I don’t want somebody crying in their beer because their cat has cancer. That f’ed up and sad but I don’t want to hear about it. You’re totally harshing my gig. Stop bringing me down, man.
Be a big spender
“Splurge on a nice glass of champagne (think Cristal) Only if you’re P. Diddy or some shit like that. and send it over to the woman you’re interested in. This works better than anything I’ve ever seen. It shows a guy’s not cheap and that he’s interested enough in the girl to spend some money on her. It’s smooth, impressive—and works almost every time!” It works every time to women who are GOLD DIGGERS. If you buy me some freaking bottle of champagne – well one, I don’t like champagne – but then I’d think, “Damn, what a flosser. But whatever. HEY GIRLS, WANT SOME FREE BUBBLY????”
—Joseph Barbour, Body English at the Hard Rock, Las Vegas Notice this tool works in Vegas…
Linds: Mo, I think your amendments to the article are spot on. And since when is “be sincere” considered advice? How is that not obvious? It’s not like it’s some new fad for girls to not be into douche bags. Or maybe i’m just really far out of the loop. And, really, if you need to make a conscious effort to be sincere, then you probably shouldn’t even bother opening your mouth.And who the hell is this Erica bitch? I say boo to your lemon drop theory, girl-that-must-only-commune-with-other-slutty-bitches.
I’m going to join Linds in signing the “Just Say No to Douche Bags” bill. It’s been an unspoken rule for too long and should be made a law.
Also, I agree that if you can’t seem to say non-douchey things, then you probably are an assclown and should just not talk.
And I boo Erica for making it so that I can probably never take a lemon drop shot again. They’re tasty and now they have a stigma. Thanks, Whore McWhores-a-lot [those girls in the bar, not necessarily Erica].
Bartenders’ best pickup advice
Few people have such a front-row seat to the dating and mating game as a bartender. Every night, these drink slingers watch would-be studs crash and burn, unlikely couples happily hook up, and more. Thanks to this experience, they’ve compiled a wealth of knowledge on the moves that work—not to mention those that bomb. Here, their best advice.
Try this easy opener
“I think the easiest way for a guy to start talking to a girl is to get next to her while she’s ordering her own drink and say, “That one’s on me.” Every girl will at least say thank you and if she’s interested, she’ll stick around and start a conversation.”
—Gia Favia, Rino, Chicago
Mo: That’s a pretty good one. I’d like to add that once she says “Thank you”, then you should wait until the girl introduces herself first. Because then you know that she has at least a miniscule bit of interest in you. Otherwise, if she says “Thanks” and then walks away, you know your answer. Note that the bartender who gave this piece of advice is a GIRL.
T: I agree that this is good. One of the only bits of advice that has true merit. I’d also like to note that the advice depends on where these bartenders are. Note that this girl if from Chicago. From my experiences, Chicago guys can be pretty straight-forward which girls appreciate.
Stand out with a signature drink
“For both guys and girls, the meeting and hooking-up game is all about making an impression. Sure… I think finding a signature drink helps you stand out from the pack of gin and tonics and vodka sodas. Not necessarily. Women who are sipping a bourbon definitely have a lot more mystique than one with a standard pink drink, True, I suppose… But is “mystique” really the right word? Drinks definitely say a lot about a person but, other than having a hearty tolerance or a dislike of sweet drinks, I don’t see how not ordering “the standard pink drink” really tells you a lot about a girl. just like a guy with a Manhattan seems more interesting than one with a beer. A Manhattan? That’s the gay man’s version of a martini. Napes on that. However, if he drinks a microbrew, a martini, a bourbon/scotch on the rocks, or some unfruity mixed drink that he made up himself, then that’s cool. I refer back to my 2005 study “What does a drink say about a man?” Find the drink that suits your style and personality and have a fun, cute story to go with it. Like ‘I drink Manhattans because my grandfather did.’ Um, I don’t care if your pappy drank it. You don’t. Unless you’re gay. Anything that helps you stand out from the pack and start a conversation is a plus.”
—Josh Wojcik, Chocolat Michel Cluizel, New York
”Anything that helps you stand out”? That’s scary. Next thing you know, there’ll be men all over the place wearing houndstooth Kangol hats and women with feather boas, etc. wtf. I’m sorry, but personally, if you’re doing or drinking or wearing something for the sole purpose of standing out, I can usually read that and it means you’re trying too hard. Oh, and note that the bartender giving this advice this time is a GUY.
A guy who seems to work someplace shi-shi, which means it’s full of fronters. Which means make up some bullshit story to justify the fact you like girly drinks. If you like girly drinks, fine. Just be a man and own that shit.
Stick to the three-minute rule
“From what I’ve seen, a woman’s usually made up her mind about a guy in the first three minutes—and I’ve never seen anyone’s mind change after that. So guys should go in for the pickup, but if three minutes go by and she’s not warming up, they should cut their losses and move on.”
—David Cerequas, Craftbar, New York
That’s one rule that I think is not hard and fast. Sometimes it can take a girl 5 minutes. LOL
Pretty solid advice…though I agree that 5 minutes is the topper. Also notice that Craftbar sounds less pompous than “Chocolat Michel Cluizel”.
Be sincere
“From what I’ve seen, it’s the Year of the Geeks and Good Guys: It’s not about being suave or sexy, but about being genuine and attentive. Women are tired of being hit on by jerks whose heads swivel every time another pretty girl walks by. Give a woman your undivided attention, and you’ll stand out from the crowd.”
—Terril Johnson, Shortstop, Los Angeles
Yeah, but don’t stare at her too hard or too long. Then it’s just stalker.
Best. Advice. Here. And look…he/she works at the Shortstop…(one of the most unpretentious bars you'll ever step in)
Look out for the Lemon Drop
“You can definitely spot the girls who are looking for a good time and want to flirt: They usually come in groups and line up at the bar versus at a table to make it easier for guys to talk to them. And if you see them drinking Lemon Drops — a yellowish liquid in a shot glass garnished with a lemon that’s been dipped in sugar — it’s a sure sign that these girls just wanna have fun! It’s replaced the Cosmo as the drink of choice for the Sex and the City-type girls.”
I’m one of those girls who never joined the Sex and the City bandwagon. Maybe it’s because … hmmm… I dunno… a strong, independent woman who knows what she wants and if that means she wants lots of unattached sex… that’s not new, at least to moi. Yes, the Cosmo is played out, but if it’s the Lemon Drop that’s the new “hey, look at me guys, I wanna have fun!” then perhaps you should stick to the Cosmo because it’s UNCOOL and so you won’t be part of this heifer bandwagon. Just saying. Geez, just drink what you like. Unless you’re a guy and drink Cosmos. LOL
—Erica Jobe, Moda, New York I’m disappointed in you, Erica. Uncool? Yes. But it sounds like she works at the type of bar “those girls” frequent. And by “those girls” I mean drunken whores.
Try talking about your troubles
“There was one guy who got a call on his cell phone about his dog being injured by a car—it felt like every woman in the bar was trying to help him and comfort him. Now, I’m not recommending guys lie and say their pet was hurt, but the lesson here is don’t be afraid to tell a girl about a dilemma or problem you’re struggling with. Women like to help.”
—Chris Lower, Gator’s, Minnesota
Oh lord, once again I’m seeing fleeting images of men at bars around the country looking all wounded puppy (no pun intended) just so some girl can go “what’s wrong?” And he’ll say some lame-ass story just to get in your pants. NYET!!!! This ONLY happens if the girl is already into you. And even if your “predicament” is for real, most girls who are chipping in wanting to help you out are… just chipping in wanting to help you out. It often doesn’t mean that she’s creaming her jeans for you. Sorry to be rude.
Also, I don’t want somebody crying in their beer because their cat has cancer. That f’ed up and sad but I don’t want to hear about it. You’re totally harshing my gig. Stop bringing me down, man.
Be a big spender
“Splurge on a nice glass of champagne (think Cristal) Only if you’re P. Diddy or some shit like that. and send it over to the woman you’re interested in. This works better than anything I’ve ever seen. It shows a guy’s not cheap and that he’s interested enough in the girl to spend some money on her. It’s smooth, impressive—and works almost every time!” It works every time to women who are GOLD DIGGERS. If you buy me some freaking bottle of champagne – well one, I don’t like champagne – but then I’d think, “Damn, what a flosser. But whatever. HEY GIRLS, WANT SOME FREE BUBBLY????”
—Joseph Barbour, Body English at the Hard Rock, Las Vegas Notice this tool works in Vegas…
Linds: Mo, I think your amendments to the article are spot on. And since when is “be sincere” considered advice? How is that not obvious? It’s not like it’s some new fad for girls to not be into douche bags. Or maybe i’m just really far out of the loop. And, really, if you need to make a conscious effort to be sincere, then you probably shouldn’t even bother opening your mouth.And who the hell is this Erica bitch? I say boo to your lemon drop theory, girl-that-must-only-commune-with-other-slutty-bitches.
I’m going to join Linds in signing the “Just Say No to Douche Bags” bill. It’s been an unspoken rule for too long and should be made a law.
Also, I agree that if you can’t seem to say non-douchey things, then you probably are an assclown and should just not talk.
And I boo Erica for making it so that I can probably never take a lemon drop shot again. They’re tasty and now they have a stigma. Thanks, Whore McWhores-a-lot [those girls in the bar, not necessarily Erica].
Men and Pants. . . Ooooh Jeans!!
I did not realize when I chimed in about doing this post how much work it would be. I mean hours and hours of perusing websites filled with pics of some really HOT men. BAAABBBYYY Damn! Because I am the other "man in woman's skin" of our group, I wanted to do a Men and Pants theme for our Dos and Don'ts posts.Being that men don't have a wide variety of apparel, tops or bottoms, I don't know how many parts there will be. With that said, let's get to my absolute favorite thing for a man to wear. JEANS!!
How a man wears his jeans tells me a little something about his mood at the time and his personality. Does he want to be understated or really stand out? Serious, yet laid back? Or laid back, yet serious? There is a difference, trust me. Fun and playful? Or dark and mysterious? I could probably do this all night.
Take this pic of Went. How he's wearing his jeans tells me. . . I've got an extremely dirty mind. Stop that Nik! *slaps hand* Seriously though, this is a good example of one of the best male ensembles ever. No matter the man's shape, a pair of jeans, an untucked button-down and a jacket can do no wrong. As long as it matches and you don't have some weird pattern fetish. Eew.
Just to prove that it is not all about Went. I give you Gary.
Okay moving on. Maybe its my generation but I always love to see a guy in a medium to dark color pair of jeans wearing gleaming white sneaks. Not tennis shoes, sneaks. Again, if a guy takes the time to actually make sure his kicks are clean and jeans are purposefully rumpled, not something he just pulled out of the hamper, then it looks effortless and oh so cute!!
I'm going to have to buy him a short set.
Sometimes just jeans will do. I have no words. Mesmerized by the pretty.
Last but not least, here are some examples of effortless jean hotness.
Tell me you don't think that's hot.
Wouldn't you like to roll around in some hay with this one? T? Maybe put you up against the barn door? Um, it's your fantasy go for it. Ha ha ha!
We could sit up all night drinking coffee and discussing existentialism. Yeah right. ;)To be continued. . . I think.
Men and Shirts, The Final Chapter
I hope all of you have enjoyed our wonderful foray into the world of effortless male shirt dressing. I'll be moving on to our honorable mentions, but before I do, let me remind you of our 3rd most flattering top for men, the rib turtleneck, and leave you with examples of BAD turtleneck choices:
Bad Turtleneck #1:
Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. Why, pray tell, did you think it was acceptable for the dresser on this photo shoot to stick you with not only a PLUM PURPLE turtleneck, but a thin, almost threadbare one at that?
Bad turtleneck #2:
Is this part of a required company softball team uniform? I dunno... I'm just... I'm sorry.
Bad turtleneck #3:
Dad? A short-sleeved MOCK turtleneck? Dad, NO!
Bad turtleneck #4:
"Oh Lars, I love you, I do... but we cannot be together. It was never meant to be. Your khaki high-waisted pants... your blue puffy mock turtleneck... with dog paw branding on the collar... it compels me... to run... run away... so far away."
And now, to close out the series, I give you my picks for Flattering Shirt Options: Honorable Mentions. These shirts are good ones in their own right, with a number of reasons why they can be flattering, however, there are also reasons why these shirts did not make it onto the top 3.
Honorable Mention Shirt #1: The short-sleeve button down:
As a cousin to the #1 flattering shirt, the long-sleeve button down, this top has so many things going well for it: It's figure-forgiving, a great casual option, and so easy to wear and coordinate with. HOWEVER, I feel that this shirt gives men an excuse to not try and that's why this shirt is relegated to the honorable mention category.
To specify, I think the majority of men out there exploit this option to the extreme, meaning that they have entire RACKS of short-sleeved shirts without a break in the monotony. Because they're so easy - they can be worn in any situation with the exception of business or formal, it gives men an excuse to not mix things up a bit in their repetoire. Although quite honestly in my opinion, a short-sleeved button down shirt should only be worn on the most casual of occasions.
Then there's the kissing cousin, the guayabera. The guayabera is latin american/carribbean style short-sleeved button down shirt, more specifically adopted by Cuba as the iconic male dress staple of the country. (In the Philippines, we have the barong tagalog which is actually wedding or special event attire.)
Guayabera-style shirts all over the place, either reflecting the traditional pattern of 2-4 pockets and alforzas (pleats) in the front, to "modern" interpretations involving things like flames or 8-balls or bowling pins replacing the alforzas. The modern styles range from pretty acceptable (good to wear during the summer and to bbqs) to downright tacky, if you ask me.
Some examples of good short-sleeved, button down shirts:
Thank you, Channing.
Thank you, headless man.
And thank you, good guayabera-wearing headless man.
Some BAD short-sleeved button downs:
A Hawaiian shirt worn ON THE JOB... I'm hoping this pic is out of context and that it was Tiki Day or something at the H&R Block.
Horizontal stripe patterned button-down shirt AND shell necklace. Just...
ok, moving on.
Honorable Mention Shirt #2: The tank top, aka wife beater
And you know, I even hesitate a bit to add this as an honorable mention. The tank top offers a guy a very delicate balance. It can look really hot on the right man in the right situation, but boy... can go so very wrong so very quickly.
Here are my rules for wearing tanks:
1) Tanks must be fitted
2) Tanks must be clean (it's sad that I even have to post this as a rule)
3) Tanks should really only be worn as an undershirt, but ...
4) They can be worn as an outershirt only under the following circumstances: when it's really hot; when you're at the beach; when you're working out; if you're working on a car or motorcycle in a stuffy hot garage.
Muscle tees are in the tank top category, and hence, must adhere to the above rules as well.
Some really good examples of tank tops worn right:
Special thanks to Nikkia for convincing her boyfriend to pose for this shoot.
Oh Ryan, that muscle shirt is doing WONDERS. Keep up with the overhead presses, darling.
Excuse me, Johnny, but before we begin, can you put out your ciga...
oooh, tattoos...
And now for the bad:
Mesh! What? NO!!!!!
Grandpa!? Beer! NO!!!!
Oh god help me, nooooooooooooooNOOOOOOOO!!!
Time for a palate-cleanser, QUICK! I don't wanna sign off on this blog like this!
...
.....
(Sigh...) Thank you, Raoul. Formally Signing off.
Speaking of which, what a good way to segue into Chapter Two of the Proper Male Dressing series. I think that Nikkia had some opinions about trousers?
Bad Turtleneck #1:
Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. Why, pray tell, did you think it was acceptable for the dresser on this photo shoot to stick you with not only a PLUM PURPLE turtleneck, but a thin, almost threadbare one at that?Bad turtleneck #2:
Is this part of a required company softball team uniform? I dunno... I'm just... I'm sorry.Bad turtleneck #3:
Dad? A short-sleeved MOCK turtleneck? Dad, NO!Bad turtleneck #4:
"Oh Lars, I love you, I do... but we cannot be together. It was never meant to be. Your khaki high-waisted pants... your blue puffy mock turtleneck... with dog paw branding on the collar... it compels me... to run... run away... so far away."And now, to close out the series, I give you my picks for Flattering Shirt Options: Honorable Mentions. These shirts are good ones in their own right, with a number of reasons why they can be flattering, however, there are also reasons why these shirts did not make it onto the top 3.
Honorable Mention Shirt #1: The short-sleeve button down:
As a cousin to the #1 flattering shirt, the long-sleeve button down, this top has so many things going well for it: It's figure-forgiving, a great casual option, and so easy to wear and coordinate with. HOWEVER, I feel that this shirt gives men an excuse to not try and that's why this shirt is relegated to the honorable mention category.
To specify, I think the majority of men out there exploit this option to the extreme, meaning that they have entire RACKS of short-sleeved shirts without a break in the monotony. Because they're so easy - they can be worn in any situation with the exception of business or formal, it gives men an excuse to not mix things up a bit in their repetoire. Although quite honestly in my opinion, a short-sleeved button down shirt should only be worn on the most casual of occasions.
Then there's the kissing cousin, the guayabera. The guayabera is latin american/carribbean style short-sleeved button down shirt, more specifically adopted by Cuba as the iconic male dress staple of the country. (In the Philippines, we have the barong tagalog which is actually wedding or special event attire.)
Guayabera-style shirts all over the place, either reflecting the traditional pattern of 2-4 pockets and alforzas (pleats) in the front, to "modern" interpretations involving things like flames or 8-balls or bowling pins replacing the alforzas. The modern styles range from pretty acceptable (good to wear during the summer and to bbqs) to downright tacky, if you ask me.
Some examples of good short-sleeved, button down shirts:
Thank you, Channing. And thank you, good guayabera-wearing headless man.Some BAD short-sleeved button downs:
A Hawaiian shirt worn ON THE JOB... I'm hoping this pic is out of context and that it was Tiki Day or something at the H&R Block. Horizontal stripe patterned button-down shirt AND shell necklace. Just...ok, moving on.
Honorable Mention Shirt #2: The tank top, aka wife beater
And you know, I even hesitate a bit to add this as an honorable mention. The tank top offers a guy a very delicate balance. It can look really hot on the right man in the right situation, but boy... can go so very wrong so very quickly.
Here are my rules for wearing tanks:
1) Tanks must be fitted
2) Tanks must be clean (it's sad that I even have to post this as a rule)
3) Tanks should really only be worn as an undershirt, but ...
4) They can be worn as an outershirt only under the following circumstances: when it's really hot; when you're at the beach; when you're working out; if you're working on a car or motorcycle in a stuffy hot garage.
Muscle tees are in the tank top category, and hence, must adhere to the above rules as well.
Some really good examples of tank tops worn right:
Special thanks to Nikkia for convincing her boyfriend to pose for this shoot. Oh Ryan, that muscle shirt is doing WONDERS. Keep up with the overhead presses, darling.Excuse me, Johnny, but before we begin, can you put out your ciga...
oooh, tattoos...
And now for the bad:
Mesh! What? NO!!!!! Grandpa!? Beer! NO!!!! Oh god help me, nooooooooooooooNOOOOOOOO!!!Time for a palate-cleanser, QUICK! I don't wanna sign off on this blog like this!
...
.....
(Sigh...) Thank you, Raoul. Formally Signing off.
Speaking of which, what a good way to segue into Chapter Two of the Proper Male Dressing series. I think that Nikkia had some opinions about trousers?
Men and Shirts, Part III
Welcome back, hoochies and gents!
Over the last few days, we revealed the top two most flattering shirt options for men, and today it's time to reveal the third most flattering top. BUT! Before I do, let's have a little romp down No-No Land, shall we?
Two days ago I showed some delicious examples of good tee-shirts. Now it's time for some examples that are... shall we say... hard to stomach.
Bad Tee Example One:
Why is this so bad, some of you may be thinking. Well, this is a prime example of how even good guys with decent style-sense can still make mistakes. Note how the shirt hangs off his well-built chest as well as the weird pocket. Hmmm. I mean, I'm all for comfort, but you can look clean and put together and be comfortable at the same time. This shirt SHOULD have been relegated to sleeping in or better yet, used to wash the car...
Bad Tee Example Two:
Wow. Okay. Ummm... I kind of have a BEEF with most graphic tees. I accept the "artistic" ones with a tasteful graphic or even the modern concert tees that are becoming more and more artistic in their own right. But if you're one of those guys who has a tee that says "insert beer here" or something like that, you're just digging you're own grave, dude. Cuz there's a difference between being funny and witty, and your clothes being funny and witty FOR you. And most of the time, these shirts (and you know which I speak of) are really not funny at all. No they're not. They're just lame... and sad. We may laugh at some off the rack, but the concept of wearing one... do you really want to be remembered as the dork who wore the "2 more beers till girl on girl action" to a party? And you wonder why all the girls are on the other side of the room...
Bad Tee Example Three:
I have no words. And if you need words, than you probably are one of the clueless 2% of the population who still owns (and wears) tie-dye.
Moving on, without further ado!
Flattering shirt option #3: The rib turtleneck
Okay, Okay, GIVEN, this is not really a shirt but a sweater style, but really, give me some allowances here. This may be just my opinion, but damn. There's something just... sexy ski lodge owner-cum-military spy-cum-ivy league new england hottie-cum European country stud about it. (I can think of SO MANY MORE turtleneck fantasies, but anyway -)
Here's some good rules I discovered through trial and error:
Yeah.
Yeah, too.
(no words. This time, in a good way.)
But wait! you say. What if I have a short neck and turtleneck collars make me look squat? Here's a good solution:
Note the shorter collar (no turndown) and the wide rib, as well as the charcoal grey color. This is a great option, especially if you're on the heavier side. YES (sigh) it's a mock turtleneck, and 99% of the time I HATE mock turtlenecks. But this is among the gems.
You wanna see some bad mock turtlenecks? Wait until my next (and final) posting for this series.
Ta-ta for now!
Coming soon: Honorable mentions
Over the last few days, we revealed the top two most flattering shirt options for men, and today it's time to reveal the third most flattering top. BUT! Before I do, let's have a little romp down No-No Land, shall we?
Two days ago I showed some delicious examples of good tee-shirts. Now it's time for some examples that are... shall we say... hard to stomach.
Bad Tee Example One:
Why is this so bad, some of you may be thinking. Well, this is a prime example of how even good guys with decent style-sense can still make mistakes. Note how the shirt hangs off his well-built chest as well as the weird pocket. Hmmm. I mean, I'm all for comfort, but you can look clean and put together and be comfortable at the same time. This shirt SHOULD have been relegated to sleeping in or better yet, used to wash the car...Bad Tee Example Two:
Wow. Okay. Ummm... I kind of have a BEEF with most graphic tees. I accept the "artistic" ones with a tasteful graphic or even the modern concert tees that are becoming more and more artistic in their own right. But if you're one of those guys who has a tee that says "insert beer here" or something like that, you're just digging you're own grave, dude. Cuz there's a difference between being funny and witty, and your clothes being funny and witty FOR you. And most of the time, these shirts (and you know which I speak of) are really not funny at all. No they're not. They're just lame... and sad. We may laugh at some off the rack, but the concept of wearing one... do you really want to be remembered as the dork who wore the "2 more beers till girl on girl action" to a party? And you wonder why all the girls are on the other side of the room...Bad Tee Example Three:
I have no words. And if you need words, than you probably are one of the clueless 2% of the population who still owns (and wears) tie-dye.Moving on, without further ado!
Flattering shirt option #3: The rib turtleneck
Okay, Okay, GIVEN, this is not really a shirt but a sweater style, but really, give me some allowances here. This may be just my opinion, but damn. There's something just... sexy ski lodge owner-cum-military spy-cum-ivy league new england hottie-cum European country stud about it. (I can think of SO MANY MORE turtleneck fantasies, but anyway -)
Here's some good rules I discovered through trial and error:
1) the broader or bigger you are, the wider the rib should be
2) the sweater should be not that tight, nor not that loose that it looks boxy or "swims" on you. It should sort of... "cling-skim" on the body (see photo example below.)
3) the sweater should hit from the upper to mid-hip length. Nothing higher or lower.
4) Not everyone can wear a rib turtleneck, as opposed to a button down shirt or t-shirt, and this is why it is ranked at #3. I find that turtleneck sweaters look great on guys with short or spikey hair to shaved heads. (Meow.) If your hair is longer, (going past chin-length) I think the look is still fine, but for some reason, guys with really long hair look ... eh in a rib turtleneck. I dunno why, but maybe it's just me. (Or maybe it's just because I hate long hair on guys.) Also, if you're VERY heavy or have a large stomach... find a button down shirt and focus on layering for warmth.
2) the sweater should be not that tight, nor not that loose that it looks boxy or "swims" on you. It should sort of... "cling-skim" on the body (see photo example below.)
3) the sweater should hit from the upper to mid-hip length. Nothing higher or lower.
4) Not everyone can wear a rib turtleneck, as opposed to a button down shirt or t-shirt, and this is why it is ranked at #3. I find that turtleneck sweaters look great on guys with short or spikey hair to shaved heads. (Meow.) If your hair is longer, (going past chin-length) I think the look is still fine, but for some reason, guys with really long hair look ... eh in a rib turtleneck. I dunno why, but maybe it's just me. (Or maybe it's just because I hate long hair on guys.) Also, if you're VERY heavy or have a large stomach... find a button down shirt and focus on layering for warmth.
5) Acceptable rib turtleneck colors: Black. Charcoal grey. To a lesser extent, Heather (light) grey. Very dark brown or navy can work too, but be very careful - these two colors only look good on certain skin/hair types.
Good Examples:
Yeah.
Yeah, too. (no words. This time, in a good way.) But wait! you say. What if I have a short neck and turtleneck collars make me look squat? Here's a good solution:
Note the shorter collar (no turndown) and the wide rib, as well as the charcoal grey color. This is a great option, especially if you're on the heavier side. YES (sigh) it's a mock turtleneck, and 99% of the time I HATE mock turtlenecks. But this is among the gems.You wanna see some bad mock turtlenecks? Wait until my next (and final) posting for this series.
Ta-ta for now!
Coming soon: Honorable mentions
Men and Shirts Part II
Welcome back ladies and gentlemen!
I'm moving now to part two of our series on Flattering Shirt Options.
As you recall in part one, the #1 most flattering shirt out there is the tailored button down shirt. I also included some images of men in button-down shirts worn at their best. Before we move on, I want to show you examples of BAD button-down shirts/suits.
Example One:
Yes, yes. This is just... yeah. A yellow suit with a salmon tie? (Maybe it's not salmon, perhaps it's red, but still.) You would think that a former presidential candidate would make more of an effort. Or maybe not.
Example Two:
I'm really hoping this guy put this outfit together as a joke.
Example Three:
Ahhhhh, freakout!
Example Four:
Ok, so not SO bad, but there are a few things to point out. I don't think I'm feeling how small the collar is, although that's pretty acceptable. The sleeves are a tad too long for him I think - it's a touch bunchy. Please disregard the embroidered logo.
Ok! Now that all that's out of the way, let's move on...
Flattering Shirt Option #2: The Fitted Tee
This is ESPECIALLY flattering if you're one of the lucky men out there with a great upper body. What a way to tastefully show off your assets! Now, when I mean fitted, I don't mean TIGHT (although some guys do look wonderful in tight shirts... but I digress). What I mean is a shirt that fits WELL - sleeve hits mid to 3/4 down the upper arm, length just barely skimming the top of the hip, loose enough to give you comfort but not too loose as to "billow."
Even if you're not one of the lucky superfit guys, this top is still oh-so-flattering in that it forgives. You can be on the thin side or on the chunky side, and a perfect tee will still bless you. Unless you have a big belly, the fitted tee is your #1 arsenal in your cache of casual clothes.
The t-shirt is probably the most abused of all clothing items. There are entire CULTURES and subcultures out there that utilize the tee as an easy form of identity, the first one off the top of my head is the hip-hop uniform of the very oversized humong-oid white tee. But really, in my opinion, the perfectly fitted tee is something magical. When paired with dark rinse jeans and a really nice pair of casual sneaks, that's searching and destroying without making it look like you put too much effort! That balance of ease of effort with just a pinch of conscientious coordination IS the mark of a good dresser.
Good examples:
The tucked-in look can be a hit or miss, but here, it's a definite HIT.
Wow, aren't we having fun?
Absolutely perfect.
And... in honor of the iconic classic, the perfect white tee, enjoy.
Ah... and brothers-in-arms to the perfect tee is the perfect long-sleeve tee. So lovely. Such a great item for layering or wearing on its own! If you're broader, larger, or have a short or thick neck, a long-sleeve tee with a very slight v-neck (and I mean SLIGHT) is a great option.
Coming soon: Flattering Shirt Option #3, with honorable mentions
I'm moving now to part two of our series on Flattering Shirt Options.
As you recall in part one, the #1 most flattering shirt out there is the tailored button down shirt. I also included some images of men in button-down shirts worn at their best. Before we move on, I want to show you examples of BAD button-down shirts/suits.
Example One:
Yes, yes. This is just... yeah. A yellow suit with a salmon tie? (Maybe it's not salmon, perhaps it's red, but still.) You would think that a former presidential candidate would make more of an effort. Or maybe not.Example Two:
I'm really hoping this guy put this outfit together as a joke.Example Three:
Ahhhhh, freakout!Example Four:
Ok, so not SO bad, but there are a few things to point out. I don't think I'm feeling how small the collar is, although that's pretty acceptable. The sleeves are a tad too long for him I think - it's a touch bunchy. Please disregard the embroidered logo.Ok! Now that all that's out of the way, let's move on...
Flattering Shirt Option #2: The Fitted Tee
This is ESPECIALLY flattering if you're one of the lucky men out there with a great upper body. What a way to tastefully show off your assets! Now, when I mean fitted, I don't mean TIGHT (although some guys do look wonderful in tight shirts... but I digress). What I mean is a shirt that fits WELL - sleeve hits mid to 3/4 down the upper arm, length just barely skimming the top of the hip, loose enough to give you comfort but not too loose as to "billow."
Even if you're not one of the lucky superfit guys, this top is still oh-so-flattering in that it forgives. You can be on the thin side or on the chunky side, and a perfect tee will still bless you. Unless you have a big belly, the fitted tee is your #1 arsenal in your cache of casual clothes.
The t-shirt is probably the most abused of all clothing items. There are entire CULTURES and subcultures out there that utilize the tee as an easy form of identity, the first one off the top of my head is the hip-hop uniform of the very oversized humong-oid white tee. But really, in my opinion, the perfectly fitted tee is something magical. When paired with dark rinse jeans and a really nice pair of casual sneaks, that's searching and destroying without making it look like you put too much effort! That balance of ease of effort with just a pinch of conscientious coordination IS the mark of a good dresser.
Good examples:
The tucked-in look can be a hit or miss, but here, it's a definite HIT. Wow, aren't we having fun? Absolutely perfect. And... in honor of the iconic classic, the perfect white tee, enjoy. Ah... and brothers-in-arms to the perfect tee is the perfect long-sleeve tee. So lovely. Such a great item for layering or wearing on its own! If you're broader, larger, or have a short or thick neck, a long-sleeve tee with a very slight v-neck (and I mean SLIGHT) is a great option.Coming soon: Flattering Shirt Option #3, with honorable mentions
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