What Does A Drink Say About A Man?

A few of you remember a while back (like in 2005), I did an informal study where I asked a bunch of single, sexy girlfriends of mine what their first impression of a man was based on what drink they ordered. The results were eye-opening (and oftentimes hilarious!) and so I HAD to find it and repost it here. Happy reading! (And if any guys are reading this, pay attention. LOL!)

I'm warning you, it's kinda long, but only cuz there are multiple girls' answers. It's worth it.


Domestic Beer
-Boring, blah and yawn. However, could also mean “I’m hip to the white-trash-is-cool-I’ll-drink-a-Budweiser-and-smash-the-can-on-my-forehead-if-I-damn-well-feel-like-it craze.”Also could mean cheap.

-he's trying to be manly and establish himself as a brute strong guy (aka, that shiny guy on the cleaning/towel commercials)

-probably looks fantastic in a tool belt and can fix my kitchen light and/or build me some new furniture. he's probably getting laid tonight.

-Vanilla. Boring. Average Joe Schmo. Probably likes sports and cars (maybe he owns a restored Camaro), therefore, we have nothing in common. So unless he COMPLETELY surprises me, he’s not getting a second date.

-considers himself to be all-American, doesn't miss a Sunday watching the game. Knows how to do a keg stand. The average guy's drink (might be boring in bed)

-It's a very normal choice. I would think nothing of it...except maybe that he likes crappy beer.

-Cheapskate on his way to obesity, unless its Lone Star, in which case he's just a Texan doing what Texans do

-this is a no frills man, perhaps sporty/fratty...or perhaps just cheap.

-Just your average guy. Nothing too fancy, probably a lousy lay.

-easy, laid back guy not pretentious possibly hipster or if not in a metropolitan area an all american jocky type.


Premium Beer (This means either microbrew and/or imported)
-Spicy. Or at the very least interested in the details of life and the nuances...verrry interesting. This is usually what I would order, so I like this guy. Probably wears ratty sweaters and is from the east side.

-a little bit anal, possibly cultured, thinks he's cool because his friend told him the other day that that's the drink to have.

-is a real man AND has some money to spend on me. if he orders a guinness, he's definitely getting laid tonight.

-Very nice. If we’re in a bar, you’re supposed to order the best thing on tap. Cuz I would. I expect him to order a beer that’s different from mine, and I expect him and I to swap pints halfway through.

-a man's man. A good friend to his guys. First one to be called if someone had car problems. A good step up from Bud. Would be good as a boyfriend, as long as he knows not to finish a 12pack himself.

-Also a very normal choice. Except he prefers to drink beer that taste less like piss and more like beer.

-Is from a college town and has read Vonnegut

-actually a beer drinker because he likes the taste and may talk to you about the differences...which could result in a very boring convo. or, just didn't want to order the bud light he normally would because you're sitting there.

-Average beer guy is trying to not be average beer guy. He may be a little more sophisticated and worldly than domestic beer guy, but not by much. If it’s a Mexican imported beer however, I’m in—especially if it has a lime.

-if microbrew I think a bit crunchy, granola dude. If not microbrew I think someone who is into beers, or a bit trendy.


Cosmopolitan
-Oh hell no. In my book, this pretty much means gay.

-He is trendy, possibly works for Marie Clare. All the peeps at Marie Clare think they are so cool

-faggot.

-Hopelessly Metrosexual or HOPEFULLY gay. Either way, the date ends here.

-he's into trends; what's hip now. If he's still ordering cosmos, he hasn't been keeping up with the latest issue of US magazine, or is watching Sex and the City DVDs. If it's the latter, he's cool (understands womens' dating and feelings).

-...not sure. Maybe that he hangs out with lots of business-y people or that he's a little on the trendy side.

-GAY or from NYC. Or a Sex and the City viewer

-why am i on a date with a gay guy?

-Omg I’d run for the hills! This guy is waaay too metrosexual for me, and may possibly border on the homosexual side.

-I think a gay man, or someone who watches sex and the city, yeah same answer, a gay man.


Martini
-Ooh, classic. Or possibly pretentious. Depends: Is it a Choco-martini or a regular gin one? Depends also on what he’s wearing. Does he look like Cary Grant? If so, jackpot (ONLY if he’s not pretentious and is genuinely classic, or sincerely wanting to live old-school)

-Hipster, thinks swing dancing is super cool

-pussy.

-Martini is more a second or third date drink. But it depends. Are we at a bar with an excellent martini list? Otherwise, I think he’s trying too hard and is about 8 years behind in the trends. Toss your bowling shirt and get your hair cut, dork.

-this can go two ways - if he orders an Appletini, I'd be wary. That's a girlie drink to me, since it's so sweet. I'd be questioning his sexual preference. Same thing if he ordered a Sex on the beach, Midori Sour, Pina colada... you get the picture. Now if he orders a Grey Goose or Dirty martini, this man don't play around. Sophisticated, knows his liquor. You would be at the Top of The Hyatt. Likes James Bond movies, so he thinks he's the man. Knows his way around a woman's body.

-A pretty normal choice I'd say. It's an old-school choice...very 60's sitcom or 50's romantic comedy.

-Dean Martin wanna be or wants to get drunk really quick. Or Italian if he asks for extra olives.

-old school guy, likes old movies and the 40's. he may take you swing dancing.

-Well, not much of an improvement, but better than a freaking apple martini or cosmo. If it’s a martini its gotta be a manly one—extra dirty.

-kind of a serious drinker, wants to be taken seriously.


Mike's Hard Lemonade
-Obviously un-schooled in the knowledge that this stuff is sludge from the bottom of the barrel, like other malt liquors...ewwww. Kinda fruity also, perhaps.

-lame he should just drink a soda

-can't order a real mixed drink? can't be a real man.

-WTF? What are you, 18?

-he's not a drinker, and is getting something so he doesn't look under 21. Probably was his first drink growing up, and hasn't moved on. Living in the past. Lets women walk all over him - a wuss. Most likely still living with the 'rents, and will not see a second date.

-I'd think that, like me, he hates beer but doesn't want to drink something too strong as it is the first date and probably didn't want to get all sloppy on me.

-Undergrad

-(no comment)

-What else about this guy is hard?! Wink wink. No really—any alcoholic beverage that has to improve its toughness factor by adding the word “hard” is pretty lame—therefore, so is the guy.

-a frat boy or someone who just turned 21 and wants to get wasted quick but have it taste sweet going down.


Jack and Coke
-Tough guy. Dig it. DIG. IT.

-(No comment listed)

-this is acceptable i suppose.

-I connect this drink to rock star wannabes or rock star almost-theres. If you’re a real rock star, you get a Jack, straight. Then you ask for a sip of my beer. Then you don’t drink anymore that night. Then you strike up a conversation that becomes the most interesting talk I’ve ever had (and must include music issues.) You listen more than you talk. Then you ask me to dance. And you dance well. Then you will most definitely be asked to go to my place and I will drop my panties.

-Good balance. Whiskey and soda pop men are cool. I know a bunch of guys that drink this, at bars, and at parties. They're not hard core drinkers, like drinking just Jack. He's moved up from premium beer.

-Not an issue here. He could order me one too...except it'd be a whiskey sour. Wuss. ;)

-Reads Maxim, low-end sports car, office job, considering law school, can only hope to get into a 2nd or 3rd tier school. (actually, I drank a lot of jack and coke in grad school, so how about we say Disgruntled Librarians, too)

-no imagination, just wants to drink

-Two words: potential asshole

-a bit punk, maybe a hard core drinker, not messing around.


Scotch on the rocks
-Even tougher guy and/or alcoholic.

-the guy is confident and knows his alcohol. He needs a good strong drink for his long hard day.

-probably married. note to self: pickpocket him to look in wallet for picture of wife and kids. if he's super-hot, sleep with him anyways. wait, i never said that. you hallucinated me saying that.

-A man’s, man. This can go either way. Either he’s way too macho for me, or he’s succeeded in striking the perfect balance between masculinity and sensitivity. He’s confident but not cocky. I bet you he’s great in bed.

-1)Either he's really nervous, and thinks that the alcohol will calm him. If he's not used to drinking this, he'll end up talking too much and go into third date info. 2) He's older, has a bar in his house, and makes one after work every day. Wears designer clothes; can have a conversation about style. Has been in a few serious relationships, might have been married before.

-A little too hardcore for a first date maybe. Unless it was prefaced with the fact that he had a rough day/week. It also depends on how fast he drinks it. If he downs it, oh no.

-Grandpa drink. Or alcoholic.

-this guy wants his drink to do the talking for him. he just likes to order this drink because of what it is, not what it tastes like. hmmm...that or he's old.

-This guy would intrigue me a little bit. I’d think you’d have to be pretty hardcore to drink anything on the rocks, let alone scotch. Kissing may be out as his breath would probably be un-tasty from drinking scotch, and would kind of remind me of a dirty old man—however, he’d probably be a pretty nice piece of as*

-same as above except maybe a man who appreciates the classics.


Red Bull and vodka
-Frat boy and/or adrenaline-junky

-Gay

-still a frat boy. and at our age, he better be out of undergrad. unless, of course, he's not my age, but is, in fact, a 22-year old undergrad and closer to his sexual peak. :)

-You’re not at a dance club and you’re not at a rave. Even if you were, I’d look at you funny.

-likes to party all night long. Drinks the Red Bull for energy. Lives for attention. Might have been the class clown in high school. Fun guy; could be on the immature side.

-I'd think that he was tired and trying to keep himself up...and that he was nervous (the alcohol to calm the nerves).

-Hedge fund manager with an assault record.

-this guy is a partier/clubber. he's probably wearing a black button down shirt- and it's shiny, just like his fully gelled hair.

-Well, since this is my drink of choice, I’d of course think we were sole mates. Ok maybe not soul mates, but I’d at least know he has some taste.

-a trendy westside sceney guy

Red Wine
-Refined...Italian, perhaps?...in touch with his feminine side and/or possibly very snooty.

-cultured and likes to cook

-we better be at a wine bar. but a first date? if he's not over 38, then he better be a woman. in which case, he's not getting laid tonight, as i like dick.

-If the place has a great wine list, then damn (yes). If not, then shazzam (no). If we ARE at a wine bar, it would start a great conversation.

-Might see himself as sophisticated. Had a bad experience with hard alcohol or beer when he was younger, and sticks to a glass or two now. The man can cook. Knows about the antioxidants. Doesn't care what people think, since most guys around him are holding beer bottles / glasses with ice. Interesting. Has smart things to say, but won't make you feel stupid.

-Maybe he was trying to impress me? Or it could be just that he's a wine junkie. The impression would depend on the coinciding conversation.

-Classy, decent person, maybe understands food/wine pairings

-fine if it's for din din...but at a bar? that's a question mark- and kinda lady-like.

-I’d like a wine guy—red or white doesn’t matter—although red is a little more manly. I’d think he’s sophisticated and more grown up, as you have a more mature taste in alcohol and don’t mind getting a buzz slower. Either that or I’d think he’s a lush.

-a man who likes to take his time, appreciates food


White Wine
-Also possibly snooty, and from upstate new york or the Hamptons (I’m really on a roll, based on absolutely nothing but logic-deprived instinct now...)

-loves chicken and pasta, mom/ex girlfriend taught him the good things in life

-total fruit.

-No man orders a white wine at a bar. EVER. I don’t care if you like white. White is a wine you drink with food at a café. I don’t even think I want you to order a white wine flight at a wine bar. Just… no.

-pretty much the same thing (as red wine). I think red wine is sexier, though.

-Ditto

-My dad drank white wines, so I'd be impressed by that

-most straight men i know prefer red and would never order white. except for my dad. hmmm- that causes a question for my dad...

-same as red wine guy, except a bit more fruity

-again, it seems a bit effeminate or if you a man who really appreciates wine/food.


Long Island iced tea
-Alkie, all the way

-clearly an alcoholic

-um, this is our first date, isn't he supposed to be getting ME drunk. i'd start having self-esteem issues that he needs beer goggles quicker than the beer will give them to him.

-Are you trying to give me a hint here?

-the man can drink; be careful if he orders another one. Do not go home with him. He's looking for a one night stand, since he won't remember what happened.

-That he got hooked on them in college or in Vegas.

-East coast-style party animal, or looking to get rapidly hammered. (What is this dude trying to AVOID?)

-this a "biggest bang for your buck" type dude. he wants to get wasted and is not afraid to show it. may at some point in the night give you a high five after a shot, or if you're lucky (and a slut) after sex.

-Again, two words: white trash

-someone who wants to get wasted. now.


Gin and tonic
-Groovy, possibly a hipster, I like it. Not tough guy enough to go for the whisky/scotch/bourbon, but still likes a solid drink. Probably into music and/or music snobbery.

-he's light on his feet, feeling good about the night and is ready to enjoy himself

-whatever. i think of this as a girls drink though since it was my drink before i stopped being a girl. wait, i mean, before i stopped drinking liquor.

-Pretty standard. It’s fine, I guess. But I would immediately think that he’s not creative enough or too hip for his own good.

-I don't know much about a gin and tonic guy... bigger drinker than me. Old school.

-The guy probably doesn't have a sweet tooth.

-No opinion.

-this drink says nothing. which is exactly what this little bugger wants to say...dangah, strangah.

-Pretty normal I guess, bordering on semi-boring/ old man drink

-an old school drinker.


Margarita
-Party boy, but not in a bad way. Wants to get the party started and prolly wants you to have a margarita too. Extra points if it’s with salt and on the rocks.

-ready to eat

-only acceptable at mexican place with KILLER margritas. otherwise: pussy.

-Only at a Mexican restaurant or bar and only among a large group of friends who are also planning to order them.

-can be like the fruity drink guy, but if you're in a Mexican restaurant, that's cool. I can't handle tequila, so I wouldn't be joining him, especially if he were to order...

-Ole!

-If at a Mexican restaurant: understands the ritual of Mexican dining. If at a regular bar: I really need to understand why this guy wants a sweet drink.

-ay papi! if we're at a mexican place that makes sense, otherwise- it seems kinda girly.

-Ay curumba! Blended: a bit of a lightweight; Rocks: more manly; any type of fruit flavor: check please

-if not at a mexican restaurant then I think he spends more time getting ready than I do.


Tequila straight
-Yesssssss.

-from mexico and thinks he's cool

-see long island iced tea.

-Holy shit. I get sick when I smell tequila so as much as I would be impressed with how well you hold your liquor, you ain’t getting a kiss from me. If you’re a tequila collector/connoisseur, I will let it slide.

-I'd be scared. No... I'd be scurred. He can put down a drink. I couldn't date him if he always drank like that. Too hardcore for me. Unless he was El Guapo from The Three Amigos.

-I'd think that he was trying to: a) get me to do shots with him, b) get me to do body shots with him, c) get me drunk, or d) all of the above.

-I wouldn't let him ride in my car after that because that is a recipe for reverse peristalsis if there ever was one

-YES! we're going to have fun with this one...we may also be slipped a roofie at some point in the night but, whatever, it will make a good story...

-Well, I’d either think 1) total alcoholic ; 2) he’s really uptight and needs to loosen up with a shot; or 3) that’s hot cause if he can handle his liqueur, he can definitely handle his business elsewhere ;)

-he wants to get wasted.


Club soda
-I dunno, queesy?

-a man confident in his drink choice, could be concerned about his weight but is not afraid to take a stance for anything

-recovering alcholic. won;t hold it against him. although, i do like to drink and take advantage of drunk men. will i ever have sex with him???

-Either he tends to get drunk fast or he’s hoping that I get drunk fast. Or he’s a teetotaler. Or his religion forbids it. Or all of the above.

-what's his deal... we're at a bar?! Either he has a tummyache, or he doesn't want to drink. Which is fine. I rather a guy who doesn't drink enough than one who drinks too much. He should have one for good measure.

-Either that he's on the wagon or he doesn't want to get drunk and make an ass of himself (which also means he has a certain lack of self-control when he's drinking and possibly nervous). I'd question why he'd take me to a bar if this was the case.

-AA-er or just a non-drinker

-RUN DON'T WALK away. Even if you don't drink, how could you order a club soda? unless i just spilled something on my shirt, this is just not acceptable.

-Recovering alcoholic who still wants people to think he might, just might, be drinking something hard on the rocks.

-in AA


Zima
-Player and/or frat boy and/or ...no thanks.

-likes 7up

-king of all pussies.

-Another WTF. This time, he’s 20 and living under a rock.

-see Mike's Hard Lemonade - not as wussy, but pretty darn close.

-Old school cheap. Might as well order a wine cooler, sucker.

-Ironic hipster or someone who is stuck in the 80s

-If Zima is available I'm wondering a) did we walk through a time warp into the early 90's? and b) why am i dating a gay guy again?

-Was his hey-day like, 1991 or whenever this shit came out?!

-gay or not out of college and accessorizes well.