The Dos and Don’ts of “Holla"ing at a Girl: A Quick Reference Guide

Not too long ago, us girls made a trip out to a club to get our dance on. I haven’t been out to dance in quite some time as I tend to frequent bars with dancing – it’s a much different vibe. And I’d forgotten how different until a guy tried to hit on me. An excerpt from our thankfully brief conversation:
Him: So you gettin’ drunk tonight?
Me: Not really.
Him: Do you smoke weed?
Me: (mentally aghast but hiding it) Uh, no.
Him: So what do you do?
Me: (sighing in my head) I drink but I don’t do it to get drunk.

This little encounter reminded me how clueless some/most guys are when trying to talk to a woman. I mean, it’s fine if you smoke weed or get drunk all the time (well, not really but whatever) and are looking for someone who shares your interest, but if you’re asking because you don’t think you can land me while I’m sober, then you need to not talk to me.

To help counteract this atrocity, I offer this free, handy, accurate, and brief guide to the things you should and shouldn’t do.

Don’t: “Holla at” a girl
Do: Talk to a girl
Don’t: Ask a girl if she’s “getting drunk”
Do: Ask what a girl is drinking, perhaps even offer to buy her one
Don’t: Hit on a girl after hitting on and striking out with her friends
Do: Focus on one girl in the group. I know it’s a numbers game and all that, but seriously, hitting on our friends and us will get you nothing.
Don’t: Stare at her chest longingly. It’s just creepy
Do: Steal glances at her chest. We know you’re looking, we’re just seeing if you’re smart about it.
Don’t: Use a cheesy pick-up line and be serious about it
Do: Simply say “Hi” or use a cheesy pick-up line satirically so we’re laughing with you, not at you
Don’t: Put ruffies in a girl’s drink. That’s not cool.
Do:…not put a ruffie in a girl’s drink. Seriously. Not ever. 1000% Not Cool.
Don't: Look at a girl and lick your lips. You are not LL Cool J. You may feel like a lion on the Serengeti looking for a wounded zebra, but just don't look like it.

Do: Look at a girl and smile. Lock eyes with her first so she knows you're smiling at her. Just don't stare at her too long or she'll get scared and mace you in the parking lot.

Don't: Grab a girl by the arm (or anything else) when she walks by. All you'll get out of it is a dirty look and possibly a knee to the groin.

Do: Say "Excuse me, miss?" when a girl who's attention you want walks by. If in a crowded club/bar/place, follow her until she stops moving (or you catch up to her) and tap her (gently) on the shoulder. When she turns around, say "Hi. I wanted to catch you before you left." or something similar and introduce yourself.

More to come…