A New Year

It's the end of the year and with all this time on my hands, I've become extremely contemplative. This past week or so, I've been asking myself some serious life-changing questions. Is the job I have really where I want to be? I think we all know the answer to that question. Is this the year I should stop playing around and look to settle down, be in a relationship? Still trying to figure that one out. Does my ass look fat in these jeans? Yes, and I love it! I like my ass, if you haven't already guessed.

In all seriousness when the year comes to an end, I like to think that we all reflect on the year past and the year ahead. Think about the things we should have done and shouldn't have, the things we want to do different. I don't do anything as structured as write a detailed list. I've found that every time I write down my resolutions, I lose the paper and don't find it until the next year. However, whenever that piece of paper, or in my case WORD document, resurfaces, most of my list has been accomplished. So what do you do? Do you have a list and follow it to the T? What's on it? Also, what's your favorite way to spend New Year's Eve? My favorite so far is in another country with old friends and some new ones.


ciao,

Nik

The "F" word

No, I’m not talking about fuck (yeah, I said it) I’m talking about the other “F” word – Feminist. Anyone who knows me well enough knows I am very proud to call myself a feminist (as I feel all women should)- however I still can’t understand women who say things like “X Y and Z pisses me off, or is unfair but…oh I’m not a feminist or anything.” Um, excuse me? But when exactly did that become a bad thing and something to back pedal about? Personally, I’m quite tired of the negative stereotype out there of some rough, tough, butch-type woman who hates all men. I mean really, isn’t that getting a bit old? Let’s retire that one already – put it on the shelf…like, way, WAY in the back with that copy of "The Rules".

Now, I’m not going to sit here and say that men and women should be equals – cause really, I don’t want to be "equal" to a man. Men and women are different in so many ways – we were given natural strengths and weaknesses that compliment each other, which to me, creates a perfect balance. But what I do believe in is a fairness between men and women – that women should be given, at the very least, the same chances as men without any underlying element of repression. I know a lot of men out there probably think women are treated pretty damn good in terms of “equality” and being given fair shots, but I’m here to tell you that the glass ceiling does exist, and that there are still a lot of injustices out there happening to women daily.

In that light, and for the record, I do not ever condone women playing the victim - that we certainly are not. However, I do believe women have to work a little harder than our counterparts to even be noticed or considered in the same line up. Do I think it’s fair or right? No. But nevertheless we need to do what we have to in order to get there – even if it means pushing, clawing or scratching our way to the top. On a personal frustration level, specially in terms of the work place, I constantly see women get pigeon-holed into being receptionists, administrative assistants and secretaries as their way of getting “a foot in the door.” Now, there are a few male assistants sprinkled here and there, but it’s a lot rarer to see. Most of the time, men starting out in entry level positions are given better titles like junior account executive or associate coordinator. Do men have to take typing tests as part of their interview process? I think not. But women do. Fair?

Even more so than the glass ceiling bullshit, another topic affecting women is more important to me than anything – and that is violence against women. Every time I turn on the news another woman has been murdered, abducted, raped or beaten. Now, I don’t mean to be a downer here, but this shit is real, and it's unacceptable. I know that crimes are always going to happen, but the way our society has been socialized to accept this as “just the way things are” blows my mind. I read a book recently that talked about how women live their lives by the “rape schedule.” The rape schedule is simply the way women change little things in their daily lives due to a subconscious fear of being harmed. Ladies, think this doesn’t apply to you? Think again. When you’re walking to your parked car at night, do you get your keys out of your purse before you start walking – maybe even holding your biggest key in your hand just in case you need to use it as a weapon? Do you look around more when you’re by yourself, making sure no one is following you? Would you ever go for a walk or run at night? Women, whether they realize it or not, have trained themselves instinctively to be more aware and more cautious…most men don’t even give any of this a second thought when they’re out running errands, out at night or hanging out at a bar - they don't have the (no matter how tiny) fear of a predator lurking in the corner. The objectification of women in the media only adds to this epidemic – over-sexualizing women in such a way that we are viewed as objects open for the taking at any time. (But that’s a whole other post I might save for later…) I don’t have the answer on how to change any of this – and sadly, I’m sure it will only get worse…and that makes me sad and pissed off all at the same time.

So, what’s my bottom line? Women need to keep empowering themselves any way they can. Be it in their careers, personal lives or relationships, and especially how we view ourselves overall. Being a feminist doesn’t mean you’re some ugly broad who hates on men. I can be a feminist and still like to wear lipstick. I can be a feminist and still like a man to open my car door. It really boils my blood to hear people say I’m not REALLY a feminist when I enjoy things that are FEMININE (duh, I am a woman), or when I like men to, oh, I don’t know, have manners and be a gentleman?

Ladies, and gents, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. So speak up!

xo.

Double Standards: the Pimp vs. the Slut

This will be short and sweet, as I actually have work to do (surprise!) and I have little patience today for finding the words to adequately express my annoyance with the ridiculous double standards by which society dictates the sexual behaviors of men and women in this day and age. I am a fairly forward thinking, independent woman with a healthy outlook on on life, love, and sex. I've got no Daddy issues. I'm unattached, and happy to be so. I'm not going to give you one of those "I'm independent, I don't need a Man" speeches because let's face it, they're about as cliche as those "Girls Rule!" bumper stickers and if that Perfect Guy came along, I'd jump on that in a heartbeat. But he hasn't (yet) and I'm ok with that. Still ... I have needs as much as the next girl. And while those little toys in our bedside tables are a great invention (I thank you on behalf of women everywhere) -- they just don't cut it all the time. Sometimes, you just want to have sex.

Which brings me to the great Double Standard of our time: men who sleep with as many women as he wants to, and as casually as he wants to, are treated to high fives and general glorification by other men. Women who do the same thing are labeled as slutty, maybe permiscuous, or "taken advantage of" at best. Did anyone stop to consider that if I make a concious choice to have sex on occasion with someone who isn't looking to make me his girlfriend, it's because I want to? Don't get me wrong, there are some girls out there who do things, and by 'things' I mean 'have permiscuous sex', for all the wrong reasons. I am not one of them. I am selective. I respect myself, and for the most part I choose to have sex with people who (I believe) respect me too.

I also know my boundaries. I know when there is a possibility of me becoming attached, and when there isn't. I'm not immune to developing feelings for someone I might be sleeping with, and if I foresee that happening without recriprocal sentiments from the other party, I stop. If I feel like I'm being misled, or jerked around, or that I'm not being given the full story...that's also grounds for stopping. I realize this 'Sliding Scale' system of choosing who I sleep with, and when, might seem a little unorthodox. But it works for me.

That said, I don't claim that this is for everyone, or even for me all the time. I'd love to hear your thoughts, and I encourage comments of all variety.


Waiting for the Bolognese to Finish

I'm one glass in to this bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon a friend gave to me. Thanks Oli, you're the best!! And of course I'm a little tipsy. Well, we all know what happens when we're(I'm) drinking. We(I) start thinking about stupid shit.

Today I was at a luncheon where Anderson Cooper spoke. If any of you know me, then you know how much I love him. He said something that hit home with me. Someone in the audience asked him about ratings and how much he thinks of ratings when going after a story. His response was that he doesn't think much about ratings and advertisers, but he is aware of the significance of the more popular story. Then he gave a statistic, of the people who claim to be Bill O'Reilly fans, die-hard fans, they only watch the O'Reilly Factor 1 1/2 days of the 5 days a week the show is on. This got me to thinking about lip service. I HATE LIP SERVICE! You know what I mean, the person that calls you their best friend but will blow you off for the newer, more "fun" person in their life. Or someone that says you're doing a great job, yet takes credit for your work. Ugh!! It makes my skin crawl. Sure, everyone says they don't like dishonest people, but I REALLY don't like dishonest people. So much so that it literally makes me ill. Honesty, with a bit of diplomacy, is always the best policy. The funny thing is, I've found, that most people are so used to lying (exaggerating) that they can't tell the difference between what they truly mean and the lip service they are paying you. Ain't that a bitch?

Still waiting for the bolognese to finish.....going to get another glass of wine while I wait.

9 to 5 Shame

By now, most of us are all familiar with the 'Walk of Shame' concept. Y'know, like that time in college where you woke up in a strange dorm room with racoon eyes and a sense of trepidation at parading your shameful little-black-dress-wearing patootie home, high heels in hand, past all of your collegiate counterparts on their way to breakfast. Remember those days? Like they were yesterday, right? Well for me, it was. Except in this scenario I'm two years out of college and have traded in a short walk between dorms and a one-hour snoozefest (read: Lit Crit class) for a commute in Los Angeles morning traffic and a full day at the office. Yep, straight from a night of good sex to an 8hour workday with nary a shower nor change of clothes inbetween.

and with some serious JBF hair to boot. If you are unfamiliar with this gem of a term, you should acquaint yourself immediately and add it to your vocabulary. JBF - an acronym for Just Been Fucked, usually used in the context of a persons appearance after having sex (thank you, UrbanDictionary.com) In other words, something like this:


It all began with an innocent call from a friend we'll call Leo saying he and his roommates were having a little get-together and that since I wasn't yet 75 with dentures, I should take advantage of my youthful resiliency and come out on a weeknight. Not one to withstand peer pressure, I caved and upon arrival, a seemingly self-refilling drink landed in my hands. Long story short, I didn't sleep in my own bed that night. The next morning, I awoke groggy and aghast to find that I had overslept and would have to traipse into work sporting the same clothes I had worn the day before and a serious case of JBF hair.

Forty minutes and several episodes of road rage later, I arrived at work and slunk into my cubicle hoping to avoid my friend and coworker's knowing stares at my disheveled appearance. I spent the rest of the day pondering how shameful it really is to show up to work with post-sex hair and yesterday's wardrobe, and I came to one conclusion...


I'd do it again in a heartbeat.


Male Voice

I was thinking that since we have such opinionated readers, we should have them contribute a topic. I'm opening the floor to our male readers, all 4 of them. Hey, a girl will take what she can. I'm looking for something to incite a riot, um, discussion. Got any questions for us, pet peeves maybe? So boys(Men), what's on your minds?

Nik

Why Me?!

I just got a phonecall from a guy I thought was long gone from my life. I recognized the number so I just let it go to voicemail. After listening to it I thought to myself, 'when will he quit?'. Here's the back story: we were friends, we decided to date, he fucked up(BIG TIME!) and now we no longer date. Yet, he still feels the need to call me every so often to 'hang out' (have sex, his words not mine).

Basically, when we were dating he wanted me to get more serious about our relationship. I really didn't take our relationship too seriously because we had been friends for four years prior to dating. I know about his track record with women and I didn't want to become apart of that group. Side note to all girls, you will eventually become part of that group. Moving on. After much consideration, I thought I'd take him at his word, he seemed sincere enough. So I started to look at the relationship on a deeper level. Well, that just got me calling his ass for a week and him ignoring me. I don't like to be ignored. Really, I don't. I also have a rule where calling guys is concerned. If I call you and I don't hear from you within the week (I understand you could be busy) then I will not call you again. If I don't hear from you in two weeks, well, your number is deleted. Well that two week period turned into about six months, needless to say when he sent me a text I didn't know who it was. Slick bastard has two cell numbers and he text messaged me on the number he knows I don't know by heart. Fucker. I digress. So now he wants to see me and I'm open to the idea, we were friends for a long time. We were not going to be anything other than that. Strange thing about this fool is that he thought that six months would cool my ire with him and I would be open to resuming our relationship. I wasn't mad at him anymore. In fact I didn't think about him at all. We tried( didn't try too hard) a couple of times to meet for dinner, but it didn't work out. He goes back to not calling me. I move on with my life.

Almost a year later he calls me again. He calls about four times leaving voicemails saying that he really needed to talk to me. At this point I'm curious to what he has to say, so I call him to tell him to meet me at the coffe shop by my house. We meet and he proceeds to tell me how he wants to settle things between us before he leaves the country to handle some business and for me to know that I am no longer a single woman. He wants to marry me. I'm completely blown away. I haven't seen this man in almost a year and now he wants me to marry him? Serious drug use is going on here. Well I tell him I don't want to get married, but if he does, he should. He asked me if I would be okay with it. Of course I would be okay with it why wouldn't I? Come to find out that regardless if he was married, he still wanted me to sleep with him. That's when I went off. OFF!!! He got scared and hung up the phone. I hadn't heard from him since then. . .until now.

What the hell is wrong with men? I mean really?

Mo's Perfect Approach - Stranger

So a few nights ago, a bunch of us heifers went out to celebrate one of us heifer's birthday. Accompanying us were two lovely gentlemen, one of them being our beloved Sebbie.

Seb is one of those "enlightened" lads - wicked smart, talented, funny, charming and cute (god knows WHY he's still single, but anyway), and totally the opposite of asshole or caveman as any guy could be. Like really. Don't make him tell you otherwise.

But I digress... what I'm trying to say here is that later that night, Seb brought up a really good question and "required" all us girls to answer it on the blog: "What, in your opinion, constitutes the perfect approach by a guy?" I then forced him to narrow it down to the slightly more specific "perfect approach by a stranger." I think he wanted to read all of our opinions and get a sense of our personalities, likes and dislikes and whatever. So I'll entertain him... Before I do, a disclaimer: I am a nerd and so how I like a man to approach me might be TOTALLY different and dorky compared to most girls out there. So please don't judge too harshly?

Let's see... Scenario One: The Bar
Okay, here's the deal: there is about a 15-85 chance that any guy trying to pick me up in a bar is going to succeed. The reason being that, well, it's a bar, and this environment creates an immediate handicap to any guy trying to approach me. I'm at a bar to have a good time, not to pick up men (forget that I'm attached and pretend I'm single.) I see most guys who are at a bar trying to pick up women as NOT the kind of guy I'd want to go on a first date with. The few men that are there and ARE the type I'd say "yes" to will have a harder time piquing my interest than if they were in most any other environment. Because...bar. Oh, and bars are usually loud. Not good for striking up convos. And I like conversation. But for the sake of argument, here's an ideal situation:
1) You approach me (preferably when I'm standing by the bartender about to order a drink), and say "Hi, I'm _______. I was wondering if I can buy you a drink?"
2) Provided that I have "looked and liked" (and here's the superficial, yet true reality: If you're not my type, then the buck stops here), then I will say, "Sure. I'm Maureen." And we shake hands.
3) You ask me a non-creepy question. A good one would be: "So, are you originally from Southern California?" or "What do you do?" (as cliche as that Q is, it's still pretty acceptable.) A bad one would be: "So, are you here alone?" or "So, what's a pretty girl like you doing ordering her own drinks?" (that last one was a question that was really asked of me.) Here is a moment of great delicacy, precision, and astuteness. If you are a man blessed with a talent for observation and possess great intelligence, humility, and sincerity, you are guaranteed to ask me non-creepy questions and we strike up a wonderful conversation where I ask you questions and you answer them truthfully. You are humorous but not overly so. And you... also pay attention to me.
4) If, in the most ideal and luckiest of situations things go splendidly, and I do not excuse myself "to go back to my girls" or say something along the lines of "thank you for the drink, it was great meeting you, but I have to go now" then you can ask for my number.
5) Here's how you ask for my number: "I'm sorry that I'm taking up so much of your time. I know you came with your friends and I don't want to hold you up. But I was wondering... could I call you sometime? To tell you the truth, I think you're awesome and I want to keep chatting with you."
6) You, sir, are officially a winner. Behold, a pen has appeared. It is almost guaranteed that if I like you A LOT, I will also end the conversation with: "I think you're awesome too... and YEAH, you better call me!" And yes, I will hug you or kiss you on the cheek in case you need more convincing that I'm into you.

Scenario Two: Blind Date or First Date after Internet Interaction
Now THIS is a real-life example of a successful blind date:
1) We set up a day, time, and place to meet. You will allow me to make some recommendations instead of making them right off the bat. We coordinate/schedule as needed. (e.g. "I'd love to meet you soon. What's a good day for you? Where would you like to go?")
2) We meet at the designated place. You are not late, or at most, you are 10 minutes late and if this is the case, have a good excuse and apologize.
3) We converse. (See scenario one for a relatively good guideline.) You listen more than you talk. You ask good questions. You're a little funny. You allow ME to gauge your personality and intelligence - you don't volunteer things that are blatantly "showing off."
4) At the end of the date, you walk me to my car. You say something like, "I had a really great time. I mean it. Thank you." We hug. (I will hug YOU. Don't move forward assuming that I'll accept it.) You then say something like "Can I get in touch with you sometime?" I say of course.
5) You actually, truthfully, get in touch with me. And I'm one of those girls who doesn't mind whether you call OR email me when making contact. Just don't text. Just. Don't. Oh, and calling me or emailing me 3 or more days later without a valid excuse will not automatically DQ you, but you will have ruined one night's worth of progress with me. Let's just leave it at that.

Scenario Three: Club/Concert:
Kind of difficult, but slightly better chances with me than at a bar.
1) Come up and say hi and introduce yourself during a lull in the performance/music or when I walk to the bar. Don't hover too long or stare at me or follow me to like, the bathroom, and wait for me to come out. Um, creepy.
2) Follow bar rules above, but with less talking, since we're both here to enjoy the music. Perhaps during lulls/intermissions we discuss the band/musician. That would be good. Very acceptable.
3) Ask me out using bar rules above.

Scenario Four: Coffeehouse, grocery store, or other public place
Even worse than a bar. Probably no good way to do this.

The Tall & Short Of It: "Tall's" Response to the Trials of the Short Man

Greetings! It's taken me a little while, but I'm finally here to address our first question.

Mo's already answered (and what a lovely job she did - P.S. I call you all "short-ass heifers" with love and affection), but just to remind you all, "so@24" asks, "Why is it that short guys are automatically dismissed (at first glance) and have to work twice as hard to complete the the average/tall fuckers?"

Being a nearly 6'0 tall amazon, admittedly the height thing is a pretty big deal for me. It's totally not for a lot of women out there and it's become less of a hang up on my end, but it's still gives me pause. Why? The reasons a shorter guy has problems dating are pretty much the same reasons a tall girl has problems - it all boils down to how the other person makes you feel.

In general, women like to feel protected and men like to feel...well, manly. It's a whole biological/evolution thing. But what people don't seem to understand is that, while appearance plays a part in that, it's mostly about what a person is projecting. For men that translates into confidence. Confidence, confidence, confidence. For example, there was a guy that I met not too long ago who was 5'6 and admitted it freely. He owned it. And that's what changed the thought in my head from, "He's cute, too bad he's so short" to "He's cute, I might consider it." Confidence, acceptance and happiness about who and what you are is the sexiest thing in the world and the surest way to up your "game".

Part of the automatic dq for shorter guys is that many tend to have a Napoleonic complex and women can tell, and we're not into it. These guys wear their overcompensation and insecurity like 7 too many splashes of strong, cheap, gross cologne. Sure, everyone has something that they feel self-conscious about, things they want to change, but the secret is not to let it get the best of you. Shed yourself of the negative baggage and you'll see an immediate change in the way women react to you - if you telegraph your issues, girls will pick up on it and you'll already be behind in the count.

I'll say it again: Confidence, confidence, confidence.

Now, am I going to date a guy who's under 5'9? Probably not, but that's because of my hang ups and is no way meant to offend. Like Mo said, it's just how I roll. I'm pretty sure I've talked about this before, but I like feeling shorter because it happens so rarely. Guys who are "much" shorter than me generally aren't interested anyhow (except for guys who have special...preferences, but that's a whole other issue). And that's okay. I know that it's just a matter of taste.

So, to sum up, my advice to all you guys out there who don't feel like you have a shot, cut it out. Seriously. All that negativity isn't helping. If you're a good guy and a catch, it's going to happen for you. Have faith in yourself and relax. I know this sounds really simple and all self-helpy, but really, it'll work. Instead of walking up to a girl and thinking you have something to prove, just walk up with the intention of getting to know her better. Stop it with all the pressure and assumptions and other bullshittery. Just be who you are and you'll find the right girl or she'll find you.

Bitch, Please.

This is how I feel about people today. Thank you, Chris Crocker.

Enjoy.

How To Be A Nice Guy and Still Get Girls Like An A--hole

Hello and welcome one and all.

So I feel utterly compelled now to give some answers and advice to the boys out there reading our blog regarding a question that has come up MORE THAN ONCE with me from my single bros: "Why do girls seem to always be attracted to the a--holes and us nice guys get the bum rap?"

Here's my take on this and some advice to all the uber-nice guys out there. Before I begin, I must put out a disclaimer that this is just my own, personal opinion. I'm sure I'll get tagged as a bit controversial, and/or have my gals and guys out there calling me out or disagreeing with me, but hey, this is the SGC and anything goes right? So here we go:

#1 - WHY ARE A LOT OF GIRLS ATTRACTED TO THE "BAD BOY"?
Ok, I admit it, there's a certain sexy "danger" to a bad boy, and I'm sure a lot of girls out there are with me. But here's the thing - if we can help it, we want the bad boy image with the good boy sensibilities. We are sexual beings as much as you boys, and we're drawn to the masculin-ey manness that bad boys exude. Oh, like flies to honey. And damn, a lot of times the bad boys are sooooo gooooood... you know what I mean?

Unfortunately, by being drawn to the sexy number with the tats and the hard biceps and dark gaze, we succumb and later find out about the heroin, the hos or the hitting ... Horribly for us, a lot of "bad boys" know that they're chick magnets and cultivate it, hone it, fine tune it. In addition, they KNOW that lots of us girls can be emotionally manipulated (not all of us, mind you) as long as the sex is hot and we get JUST enough attention and romance. Sadly, a lot of girls know only this kind of guy, and that's all they know. And only because they just won't give the nice guys a chance. So here's where we go to ...


#2 - HOW CAN I ATTRACT THE GIRL WHO LOVES THE BAD BOY BUT ACHES FOR THE GOOD GUY?
Here's a (not so) eye-opening revelation: Almost all girls out there want both. Unfortunately, a good number of guys are either/or. These men are either too bad or too nice. The answer is to strike the balance. And NO, I'm not saying be more of an a-hole. God forbid. What I mean is to cultivate your "naughty" or "wicked" or oh-so-interestingly-sexy-and mysterious side while keeping your nice guy sentimentalities as strong as ever. Here's my advice on how:

Remember a somewhat popular saying that men "love their woman to be a lady in public and a tiger/tramp/whore in the bedroom?" Well most women can attest to wanting kind of the same thing with their guy. But then there's the initial draw...

If you have something - anything - about you that's interesting, sexy, tantalizing, perhaps a bit "dangerous," flaunt it a bit and use it as a foil to your nice-guy-ities. To me, NOTHING is hotter and more attractive than, say, a man with a shaved head and tats and a dark gaze, who also loves to cook, loves music, enjoys chick flicks as much as action flicks, is talented, smart, funny, sensitive, and is humble, respectful, honest and kind. Oh, and drama free - did I say drama free? But that's just my own, personal taste. I think you get the idea.

The problem with nice guys is that their niceness translates too intensely in their first impression as well as once the relationship is going. We want NICE, not milquetoast. It's difficult and frustrating to describe, but try to be forward without being overeager or annoying, be respectful but not ingratiating, be humble without be overly self-depracating, be gentlemanly without being insulting. We girls are visual creatures too, so dress well - I'm not saying you have to be all GQ about it - but we appreciate a well-chosen, clean, simple outfit. (A well-fitting t-shirt or button-down with dark rinse jeans and really cool shoes never fails, and screams enough effort while looking effortless.)

In my ideal world, NO ONE picks up ANYONE at a bar anymore, because, really.... but if you must, please refer to Tamara's post long ago on Do's & Don'ts of "Hollering At A Girl". In my ideal world, you meet people through mutual friends or at a party, you strike up a conversation, you listen more than you talk, you attempt to find mutual interests, you attempt to AT LEAST act interested. You then say "It was great meeting you, I'd love to hang out with you again sometime" and numbers are exchanged. In an ideal world... But that's another blog.

Round two: Once a relationship is established, a lot of nice guys out there exude niceness and make so much effort to be nice and "respectful" to their woman that all the hot, dirty danger, mystery, and tantalizing teasing goes out the door.

Just as you guys out there love when we girls revel every so often in our femininity - our womanly wiles, smiles and styles (oh, how we like wearing our lingerie/getting naked for you if you give us a good reason to!) We girls love all things MANLY about you. For some girls it's a sharpened wit and a protective, helpful air every so often. For others it's as blatant as cavemanish actions behind closed doors. Get to know your woman and find out what gets her going.

One big thing is... the little things. Yes we love sex, but we also love affection as well as a little bit of naughty assertiveness. You can be nice and gentlemanly, but sneak us some kisses, strokes, and squeezes every day. You just opened that jar for us? Hand it back to us with a smile, then walk behind us and... nibble us on the ear as you walk past. Tickle our foot or kneecap under the table, then smile innocently. (No, I didn't say MAKE OUT or stick your tongue in our ear in public. I draw the line on some extreme forms of PDA, thank you very much.)

When you come home from work/practice/whatever, greet us at the door with a hug and kiss. But EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, greet us with a hug and a kiss ... then take our face in your hands, kiss us full, then push us against the wall...

I think you get the drift.

Strike the balance. Nice guys, cultivate your bad guy - your safe bad guy inner self - and you'll have us melting in your hands.

Excuse me now. There's a man waiting for me to come to bed. ;)

The Tall & Short Of It: The "Short's" Response About Short Men's Woes

It's been a long time since I've posted something on The Single Girl's Club and let me just say that it's good to be back at the keyboard and it NOT be work related!

For those of you relatively new to the SGC and do not know me, I am the lone attached girl on this blog and have been attached for the past 2 1/2 years. Therefore, you can call me the "honorary" single girl, a title that I hold with a bit of pride. I'm also the oldest poster on this site at 31 (for now.) So let's just say I have quite a bit of -ahem- experience with the opposite sex (in all sorts of "situations": dating, friendships, "friendships" and otherwise - my longest relationship was 7 1/2 years.)

I received our first question posted to T's welcome to our column from a lovely lad who calls himself "so@24". Here's his question:

"why is it that short guys are automatically dismissed (at first glance) and have to work twice as hard to complete the the average/tall fuckers?"


Ok, first of all, let me tell you that I feel a little hypocritical when I first started answering this question. At 5'2", the shortest guy I've dated was 5'9" and the tallest was 6'4". I know. And yes, I HAVE been heard saying that I find it difficult to date a guy who is under 5'8". Here's my PERSONAL reason why: It's just a preference. When I first started dating in junior high, most of the guys I was attracted to were tall. That ended up not changing. But removed from my personal experience, here's my attempt at an explanation:

Society, unfortunately, seems to view tall men as having more power, more intelligence, being better providers, etc. etc. etc. I can go back historically and anthropologically about why this is so and go into great detail about size equaling strength, health, better hunting prowess and therefore "providing" prowess, yadda yadda yadda, and therefore it's social and biological manifestations in modern day times. I can also talk at a bit of length about some short men and their "Napoleon complexes" and how I feel some short men tend to "overcompensate" to their detriment. But then I could write a whole thesis about this topic, so I'll stop there.

Do I believe in all this, yes and no. Yes, I can sort of understand where the "mystique" of tall men comes from through attempts to explain it both historically and scientifically. But NO, I do not succumb to it. I mean, for one thing, we've gone way beyond our cavemen ancestors and many "biological" things about us are now a moot point. And sociological explanations? PAH! Educated opinions, but opinions nonetheless.

I know, I know, but I date tall men. It has nothing to do with discrimination and everything to do with preference. I mean, do people give beef to others who prefer redheads, or bald heads or people with a sixth toe? Not really (Ok, the sixth toe one's a bit of stretch.)

So here's the thing: Beyond all the explanations, you've got to take what you've got and sell it. I'm not saying become a napoleon - by all means, please don't. Try not to be one of those guys and just try to a nice guy. Don't overcompensate, don't try to work "harder" and think of it this way: All those girls who dismiss you right off the bat because of your height... most of them will probably not change their minds about you no matter HOW much they get to know you. It's like a brunette trying to get a guy who's solidly into blondes and only blondes to change his mind. It's more trouble than it's worth.

Instead, be a good guy. Be a good person. Be humble. Be considerate and a bit charming. And focus on the girls out there who DO like men under 5'6". Trust me, there many out there. (Including a lot of tall girls!) In fact, I know a few girls out there who like short guys (ummm... maybe if you're good I'll give you their numbers. LOL.) And you never know... maybe... just maybe... you're turning your attentions to the wrong girls and missing that cute one in the corner who's trying to avoid your gaze? ;)

Anyway, as a short Filipino girl, I get a bit of discrimination too - yes, yes, I can hear you saying that short asian girls get it "easier" - but trust me, I've gotten ignored by my fair share of guys who like 'em tall and like 'em white. LOL

At the very least, let me direct you to a few recent MSN and Slate articles which discuss this very issue, and interestingly too. If you can't take my word for it, maybe other opinions will help?
Tall Men and Money
Dating Tall Women
Dating When You're A Short Guy

Good luck and my blessings. The right one's out there.

I now pass the floor to T - I'm sure she has some astute things to say about the matter, AND she probably has similar issues due to the fact that she's a "tall girl amongst short-ass heifers." (her words, not mine.)


The Tall & Short Of It: New Recurring Column

I'm tall, Mo is short and together we're going to be given specialized advice and opinions. Since so many of you out there seem to be full of questions (or bitterness...whichever), I thought it would be nice to open the floor and see if any of you have any specific questions or topics you'd like us to cover - not that we don't have ideas ourselves, I just want to get a gage on what's troubling you poor folks out there.

So please, leave a question or topic in the comments and we'll do what we can.

Good times.

Goodbye To You

You know that phenomenon where a much-beloved song from the past comes on the radio and you start humming along, mumbling a word here and there if you don't know it well or belting out the lyrics like you're three sheets to the wind at a karaoke bar? And then suddenly the message of the song hits you like a ton of bricks and you realize that the song is ABOUT YOU. It perfectly encapsultes a time, a place, a feeling, a relationship in your life in a succint, eerily perfect manner. That pile of bricks hit me as I flipped the radio dial to Jack FM yesterday afternoon in the car and what comes on but the classic "Goodbye To You" by Scandal, a 1982 gem featuring frontwoman Patty Smyth and a gaggle of backup musicians sporting Flock of Seagulls hairdos. Without going into any "excuse me while I go be awesome" details (if you need that one explained, just ask) -- I realized that this exceptionally awesome tune perfectly captures the last few months of my late (read: recently deceased) relationship:

These last few weeks of holdin' on
The days are dull, the nights are long
Guess it's better to say Goodbye to you
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to you

Cause baby it's over now
No need to talk about it
It's not the same
My love for you's just not the same


It's funny how relationships change over time -- people grow apart, feelings change, sometimes without warning or explanation. There may be love left but it's not the same (thank you Scandal), and when that happens... it's usually best to say Goodbye.


Also, check out the Miami Vice-looking dude with the white blazer and scrunched sleeves. Classic.

There is no love for LB

Who is LB you ask? Well LB stands for Lil Black, my little black Acura TSX. I call her LB because before her I drove Big Red, my Big Red Chevy. I'm so creative when it comes to naming my cars. Anyway, it seems as if people don't have love for LB. The second time, in less than a year, she's been banged up. Once while I was parked on a side street and now today while I was sitting at a stop light with a bunch of other cars. WTF is up with people not able to see a shiny black car in broad daylight? I'm just saying. Really?

I was sitting at a red light thinking about the million things I had to do today and the next thing a know, POW!, some chick hits me in my ass. She got all up in my shit too. (Acura's have great brakes because upon impact I pressed down hard on my brakes and the car didn't move thus preventing me from hitting the car in front of me.) I immediately turn on my turn signal to indicate to the woman who hit me that I was going to get off the street. The other cars were nice enough to let me (and her) through, but as I was pulling into the driveway she takes off. BITCH@!!!!! Luckily, the car behind her took down her license plate number and pulled into the parking lot to give it to me. I called the police to report the hit and run, they took down my information and commenced to tracking her ass down. They found her close by, apparently she went home to tell her husband about what she did. The officer asked me if I wanted to press charges. Believe me I would have but I wanted her to tell me why she just took off. So I told the officer that I wanted her to tell me why she took off before I decided whether or not to press charges. When she, along with her husband and baby, came back she was so scared and frantic. She looked like she was on the verge of tears. She apologized profusely, the officer told her what major problems would have occurred if I decided to press charges and/or if I had been seriously injured. I told her that I would be taking this up with her insurance company and we left it at that. I'm just pissed because now I can't get into my damned trunk.

Happy Monday!

Drunken Bitches

So, tonight I went to a Marc Broussard concert at The Avalon in Hollywood. It was a fan-fucking-tastic show, as always - seriously, go see him if you can. The only problem was that, at the end Marc came out and did a song with only keyboard and bass as an encore. He did "You Don't Know Me" and...well I wish I could tell you the other song but it was hard to hear over the gaggle of stupid drunken bitches who had migrated their way behind me.

They were "woo"ing, yelling out stupid things, and talking very loudly to each other while everyone else was quietly listening to the beautiful voice of Mr. Broussard. One of them bumped into me once or twice but, after turning around and shushing them (it didn't work for long), she started bumping into the girl next to me. We looked at each other at one point and just shook our heads in sadness and shared exasperation. Those drunken bitches kept saying "He's my boyfriend" and "He's so hot" and blah blah blah. At one point, Marc came a grabbed the hands of two or three girls in the very front. This whipped the soused sows into a frenzy, reaching out their hands and wooing and kicking up their overall obnoxiousness to an 11.

After the show was over, the girl who was next to me and I started talking about them (they rushed the stage after we moved). She was Amazonian like me and I'm sure the drunken bitches heard us, but I really don't care.

Now, I don't care if you're drunk and enjoying a concert but for the love of all that's holy, have some damn sense about it. Those bitches were surely there to sign up on the groupie list but, as a potential groupie, don't you think the artist would prefer you stuff an apple in it when he's singing? If it wasn't for the little girl I let stand next to me (it was an all ages show and my friend and I got to be in the very front), I would've yicked them in the throat Matrix style. But that would send the wrong message to America's youth so I contained myself. My fellow Amazon complemented me on my restraint. Because really, I did want to kick all their asses, just on GP.

There was really no point to this. I just really needed to get it off my chest.

P.S. What I really wish would've happened is Marc come over and take the little girl's hand, that way when those bitches tried to bum rush, I could elbow whoever hard in the gut and play it off as protecting the girl. She gets to have a super-awesome concert memory and I could've shut them up. That there is what they call a win-win situation.

Thanks, you made my day

Walking through the hallways at work, picking through a sea of debris and discarded art project materials as students prepare for final presentations and tonight's Graduation Show. Precariously balancing an iced coffee in one hand and a stack of signs and sticky-tape in the other as I attempt to enjoy my cool caffeinated beverage and post directional signage at the same time. Tricky. In the middle of said balancing act, I hear "Hi, are you a student here?" I whip around and there is a not-bad-looking guy (kind of cute actually) regarding me with a friendly quizzical smile. "Actually I work here" I reply, and look around a bit awkwardly for somewhere to put down one of my two burdens. "Oh how embarassing..." he begins, and I interrupt to say "oh no it's ok, I know I look like a student. I work in Special Events, in Marketing & Communications over in the annex. Grad Show is one of our events." He looks relieved and says "Oh good, well I just wanted to tell you I think you're beautiful. That would have been kind of embarassing if you were an instructor" I reply "Oh, well thank you! Nope, not an instructor, I just work here. I'm Valerie." I hold out my hand, and he replies "Charlie, nice to meet you. Well, have a great event!" and waves as he walks off in the other direction.

Thanks Charlie, you made my day.

Aren't we a lively bunch?

WOW! It is great to see the SGC in full swing again! Welcome to the “anonymous” readers. Glad to have you. We are so thrilled that SGC has become a place that's an open forum for thoughts, opinions and dialogue, but please be respectful of one another and individual views. Also, though meant to mitigate any more harsh comments, please do not regulate our blog. If you find something you think we need to address then let us know and we will handle it.

xoxo, SGC

Overheard at the KCRW studios

I'm outside, taking a break from answering phones for their pledge drive. I'm eating some tasty kahlua flavored marshmallows.


KCRW Employee, Male: So... what do you do? (to a super skinny, "attractive" female volunteer.)

Girl: Is that a trick question?



I spit out my marshmallow and fake coughing.

On an entirely unrelated note...

I've been having increasingly frequent dreams of a somewhat sexual nature featuring Chris Meloni, the hardened and oft times rebellious detective Elliott Stabler on NBC's Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. He roughs up the bad guys and at the same time exhibits a fiercely protective attitude toward his female partner and victims. The perfect marriage of raw male power and sensitive compassion. And he is 46, making him approximately 21 years my senior.




I wonder what Freud would have to say about that.






"guy stuff" we love

a girlfriend and i were talking the other day about guys (shocking, i know), and how we really, really like GUYS. i mean, we really enjoy the sort of stereotypical "guy stuff" that the majority of our counterparts wouldn't really think we a) even notice or b) actually think is fucking cute.

SO, here is a short list of some things that (some/most) guys do that are just freakin' adorable. we may laugh about it, perhaps even roll our eyes when it happens, but still i think that most of us girls actually find stuff like this endearing and way cute. so here goes:

1. being WAY into a particular hobby (almost annoyingly so)

this stems from eating lunch with a male co-worker who was reading a magazine dedicated to fantasy football. some of you ladies may be screaming in horror right about now, but hear me out. while i'm definitely not a fan of fantasy football by any stretch, i found his obvious undying commitment to this sort of thing completely cute. while most guys tend to think that this sort of thing bugs the crap out of us (which it very well might) there's something sort of endearing about watching a guy sit for hours drafting his fantasy team, searching for guitar equipment all day online, clipping out pictures of "cool cars" or whatever other thing you guys do.

2. being amazed by our eyelash curler (or any other girly thing)

if it's happened once, it's happened a thousand times (ok, maybe not a THOUSAND, but you get the point). i'm putting on some make up in front of a guy and out comes the eyelash curler. you'd think i'd just pulled a fucking rabbit outta thin air cause i've rarely seen something both fascinate and scare a guy as much as this little silver makeup tool. they gaze with utter amazement at my working of this "contraption" wondering god knows what or trying to "figure it out" - and always asking if it hurts--which i happen to find hilarious. apparently, the secret workings of "girl-things" remain a source of mystery and intrigue for most men, which is quite entertaining.

3. opening a can/ jar/ bottle whose lid is too tight

now, let me preface this by saying i'm an independent woman who knows how to get her own shit done. but there's something about letting a guy flex a bit, so to speak, in assisting with the daunting task of opening a jar of raspberry jelly. i know that when we ask you to open said-jar, you look at us with this "really, you mean you really can't open that...? but it's SO easy" sort of look, sigh, give a slight twist that required absolutely no effort on your part, open the jar and hand it back to us. while it may be a small thing to you guys, to me, nothing is cuter than you helping a damsel in distress.

4. getting a hangnail/ papercut/ cold and it's the end of the world

now, i know a lot of my girlfriends may argue me on this one being cute, but i'm gonna attempt to defend this one. its utterly hilarious when guys sneeze and subsequently they think they're gonna die. a little cough/ cold/ fever - they've contracted the plauge. most guys relish in being big babies when they're sick, and quite honestly, to a certain extent - i really find this enjoyable. now, i'm a big sucker and live for taking care of people when they're sick and making them grilled cheese sandwiches and soup and shit, so i may not be the most objective when saying this is endearing - but to me a little bit of whining and pouty lip when you're feeling sick is super cute. word of advice to the guys - just don't push it though. cause for as much as i think that's cute, it can get not cute real fast.

5. romantic gestures that "fail"

i don't know how many times us girls need to say it, but it really is the thought that counts. and we mean it. (except for gold-digging bitches, cause yeah, that shit won't fly). but for the rest of us, the thought that you would even attempt to, oh, say, cook a 5 course meal but burn it all - is totally appreciated. it's not really about how things turn out, but it's more that you dug in there and tried to make a go of it. it's even cuter when you've come up with some elaborate scheme, say, for wrapping up a tiny gift - but you've put it in this absurdly large box, inside a box, inside a box, wrapped it with newspaper and duct tape and slapped a ribbon on it....um, adorable!

so, in conclusion...despite all of my (our) bitching about guys and how lame they can sometimes be -- there are redeeming qualities that keep us hanging in there. ladies, thoughts??

till next time.

Question for the Single Men

Gentlemen.

Firstly, hats off to you. In the cutthroat world of casual dating, the task of the "first approach" generally falls on your shoulders, and most of you carry the burden well (although i could do with a little less complaining from some of you, ahem you know who you are). As such, many of us females are either unfamiliar or entirely clueless as to the inner-turmoils of approaching the opposite sex. I concede (something I'm not wont to do often) that men have it harder in this arena, and I applaud your effort and more importantly the cajones it takes to put yourself out on that flimsy limb.

Kudos.


However. I would like to pose this question to you brave soldiers. Once that approach has been made --whether you've asked a co-worker out for drinks or struck up a conversation with a girl in the grocery store line -- what is it exactly that you expect from us? I say this not to be snide or condescending, but out of a geniune desire to know the best way to handle the situation if we really aren't interested. Because sometimes, we're not.

Let it be said that while it takes tremendous courage to put yourself out there, and we can applaud and appreciate that effort -- it does not require us to reciprocate the feeling. Yes, I believe such an effort should be met with respect and, more importantly, plain good manners. Don't belittle the guy for trying, it's not like we're in the habit of making the same effort.
BUT ... Gentlemen, help me out here ... what is the best way for us to say "thanks but no thanks" ??? Is a polite decline right away the best route? Do we accept one date? And if so, how does that work? Especially if the guy thinks that the date went well and you "really hit it off" ... and meanwhile you're thinking Sorry Charlie ... how do you let him down gently? Inquiring minds want to know. Seriously.

So guys. Help a Single Girl out.

Pretty Guy of the Week

Ah...Pretty Guys, how we've missed you. For my triumphant return, I offer you model/actor Marco Dapper. He hasn't been in much in terms of acting but he better get a move on. He's far too pretty not to be on the big screen. While straight, he plays a bi-sexual figure model in the move Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds. Yes, it sounds like porn but it's not (even though he does appear naked in it). God bless the gays. They have the best taste.

Big ups to amazing photographer Adam Bouska (check out this site too), One Stop Cool, Hunk Du Jour, and Techstickle for the pics.

Guess who's back in the mother f'ing house...

Yes yes...it's been awhile. I've been silent for a long time and I have to apologize for that. But I'd just like to announce that I have a couple of things in the works that will be appearing in the next few weeks and I'm digging them and I hope you will too.

Be prepared.

what makes men fall in love?

so as i was "working" today i came across this article on yahoo news from men's health magazine (sidenote: i always appreciate the mens on the cover...sigh). while normally i think most of this stuff is total propagana, this one sorta made sense. see my thoughts in CAPS. what do the rest of you think??

Here goes:
Judging from the kind of mail we get at Men's Health from men seeking relationship advice, I can tell you this definitively about men: When a man falls for a woman, he falls hard. Men love to be in love. While men often get stereotyped as single-minded sex-seekers, the truth is that a man's stomach churns like a slushy machine when he's in those initial stages of the perfect relationship.

When you consider that half of men say that they're currently not with their soul mates, that means a heck of a lot of slushy machines are waiting to be turned on. What are they waiting for? What makes a man fall in love? After you rule out the obvious intangible laws of chemistry, attraction, and being in the right place at the right time that kick-start many a relationship, I think the question really becomes this: What makes a man fall -- and stay -- in love? About 60 percent of men deem friendship the most important thing in a relationship (sex comes in at a skimpy 8 percent, according to a national Harris Interactive poll), but let's delve a little deeper. What exactly does that mean, and what kind of woman does a man really want? With full acknowledgement that men's tastes in women are as unpredictable as the plotline of "24," these are some of things that many men value in "the one."

A Woman with a Passion in Something Other Than Him

Yes, it's nice to be doted over. Yes, it's nice to be pampered. Yes, it's nice to be with a woman who showers you with compliments, neck kisses, and all of her attention. But there's a virtual Great Wall of China between a fleeting, flirtatious glance and the kind of attraction that can last a lifetime. Many men say they like a woman who's immersed in something else other than the relationship -- be it her work, or her sport, or whatever her "thing" is. Why? The passion she shows for something else confirms her inherent goodness, her personal drive, her independence. All pluses in the woman we're hoping to spend a few decades with.

THANK GOD! OFTEN TIMES WOMEN GET STEREOTYPED INTO THE "I WANT TO SPEND EVERY LAST SECOND OF EVERY SINGLE DAY WITH MY MAN CAUSE I HAVE NO OTHER REASON TO LIVE" CATEGORY AND THAT'S UBER-LAME IN MY BOOK. I'M NOT GONNA SIT HERE AND PREACH, CAUSE I (AND I'M SURE MANY OTHERS) HAVE BEEN GUILTY OF THIS AT LEAST ONCE IN OUR LIVES. BUT THANK GOD WE LEARN AND REALIZE THAT WE HAD KICK ASS LIVES BEFORE WE MET "THE GUY" - AND OUR LIVES SHOULD BE EQUALLY KICK ASS WHEN WE'VE DECIDED TO LET THEM JOIN OUR PARTY. JUST CAUSE YOU'RE WITH DUDE DOES NOT MEAN YOU SHOULD DITCH YOUR YOGA CLASS, GOING TO YOUR KNITTING CIRLCE (OR WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT) OR UM, LET'S SEE...KEEPING AND HANGING OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS! SO KUDOS FOR THIS ONE WRITER-GUY.

A Woman with No Problem with Guy Time

Every relationship has to choreograph the time-together dance. Once a couple elevates from casual to serious, it goes through that period when most waking and sleeping minutes are spent together. But at some point in the dance, one person will call a time out from the music of coupledom, and try to spend more time with his or her friends -- while still being careful not to step on any feet in the process. Even when they're with the most perfect woman, men still crave the occasional space to spend golfing or drinking or doing whatever (64 percent of men are happy to have the time to themselves when their wives or girlfriends have plans). Men love, appreciate, and are thankful for women who respect and endorse (and not complain about) his need to have a few testosterone mixers. Don't worry, March Madness will be over in just a few weeks!

AGAIN, THANK GOD. CAUSE REALLY, I DON'T NEED/ WANT TO SEE YOU EVERYDAY. I DON'T EVEN WANT TO TALK TO YOU EVERYDAY. AND WHEN I DO SEE YOU, THE LAST THING YOU NEED TO BE DOING IS BURPING AND MAKING OTHER GUY NOISES OR TELLING JOKES THAT MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I'M STUCK IN SOME STANKY LOCKER ROOM. SO PLEASE. HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS. DO WHAT YOU GOT TO DO.

A Woman with a Strut

Her strut in the bar may have been part of his initial attraction. The strut from the bedroom to the bathroom after the first night together may have been pure visual ecstasy. But the strut that happens day in and day out is one of the major attractors for a man. What do I mean by the strut? It's that attitude, that sassiness, that confidence, that charisma, that charm that shows she can be a little bold and little daring. In a recent post I talked about the line between a woman being confident and a woman being so aggressive that she turns men away, but the truth is that in certain aspects of relationships, men want women who have the strut. Men want to be with women who challenge them, who push them, and who take the lead some of the times. And that's as true in the bedroom as it is in planning their next weekend getaway. The danger? While it can be insanely attractive, that strut of confidence can also swing a man 180 degrees -- if she uses it in other places, like to flirt with other guys, to become a relationship dictator, or to pick a fight with his mom in front of the whole family. He'll point that kind of strut right out the door.

OK. MORE MEN NEED TO FEEL THIS WAY. I'M NOT SURE MANY DO - AT LEAST NOT THE ONES I'VE BEEN IN CONTACT WITH. BUT MEN WHO THINK REAL CONFIDENCE IS SEXY GETS AN A+ IN MY BOOK. THERE ARE PLENTY OF MEN WHO "CLAIM" TO WANT THIS, BUT ONCE THEY GET IT, DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT. YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY TO THAT? - MAN UP BITCHES. I MEAN, REALLY. IF YOU'RE CHOOSING TO BE WITH A WOMAN WHO CHALLENGES YOU - YOU BEST STEP UP AND TAKE IT. AND A NOTE FOR WOMEN - I AGREE THAT BEING WAAAYYY CONFIDENT CAN TRANSLATE TO BEING OVERLY AGGRESSIVE WHICH EQUALS SORTA SCARY. NO NEED TO BE A BALL BUSTER HERE. I THINK THERE'S A FINE LINE OF KNOWING WHEN TO DISH SOME OUT AND WHEN TO HOLD IT BACK.

A Woman with a Good Taste in Ties

Okay, so we don't really care about the ties per se. But what we care about is a woman's ability to give us a little-and this is a key word-gentle guidance. I know Freudian followers will say that it's a man's need to be mothered, but it's more than that. Every relationship is a give and take, and guys will definitely take women who can warn us when our new soul patch looks stupid, who can guide us to the perfect suit and shirt combo for an upcoming job interview, who can help them make decisions without being harsh or judgmental. Guys like to project that they know what they're doing and that they don't need any help. Women who can help steer us, without aggressively grabbing the wheel, are the most treasured copilots.

AMEN WRITER-GUY, AMEN. THIS IS ONE THING THAT IS AMAZING ABOUT WOMEN. WE KNOW HOW TO GET SHIT DONE IN A WAY THAT IS SO SUBTLE PEOPLE DON'T EVEN REALIZE ITS HAPPENING TILL VOILA! IT'S DONE. (HILARY CLINTON FOR PREZ ANYONE?)I'M JUST SAYING...

excuse me while i go be awesome.

I'm entertaining the idea of someone. . .

a few weeks ago, a co-worker asked me out for drinks. I knew he was going to because another co-worker sent me a text warning me. good looking out oli!! so the next day in the afternoon, i'm sitting at my desk in the office wrapping up the day and in he walks. can you say cornered? i can. i flash him a smile and say, "what's up? what are you up to this afternoon?" he says, " i don't know, i was about to ask you the same thing, if you wanted to go get a drink after work." keep in mind that my office isn't exactly MY office, there are several other people in the office who can hear everything. so i say, "today? i can't go today. let me see when i can." i pull out my crackberry (i love my crackberry) to look at my calendar. i tell him i can go next tuesday and he says, "okay," then leaves.
the next tuesday rolls around and i haven't seen or heard from this guy in a week. i'm coming back to my office after a long ass meeting and find him loitering in the hall. i'm sorry, but that was a little creepy. he asks me if we were still on for the night. i'm thinking to myself, you should have asked me yesterday, but i respond with, "sure, i just have to wrap up my desk first." he told me he'd be right back, dude didn't come back for almost 45 mins. the only reason i waited was because i didn't want to repeat the drinks date. better to get it over with then and there. we make arrangements to go to a local wine bar(side note: guys, NEVER take a woman you're into to a bar with really hot bartenders. just DON'T!). we have great conversation but i'm totally not feeling it. i'm looking at him from every angle, he's really sweet. that's a plus for him. but i sense a little bit of a door mat, minus. the biggest minus is that he took two fricken years to ask me out. WTF. After an hour or so i cut the date short as i have another appointment, give him a hug goodbye and leave.
the next day i'm hearing from mutual friends that he thinks we had a great time and that we have alot in common. um, what date was he on? just because two adults sat together for an hour and had a decent conversation where mutual interests came up? this means we'll end up in bed together? um, i don't think so buddy. we may have talked about cars but you definitely didn't rev my engine. not in the slightest glimpse of a rev. moving on. he corners me again in my office. seriously, i'm getting a little creeped out. he's a sweetheart, but this sneaking up on a girl will get you hurt. i'm just saying. so, he asks me to take a walk with him he wants to ask me something. when we get outside he asks me if i was seeing anyone. i tell him, "i'm entertaining the idea of someone." i didn't know what to say. i didn't want to have the ' i'm not really dating right now, i work with you i don't think it's a good idea' conversation. he takes this to mean that i'm seeing someone and we end it at that.
now everytime we see each other in the halls he waves to me, but never looks me in the eye. WTF is that about? i can't not like someone? damn.

The Pick-Up Done RIGHT

I don't know about you, but I have a real problem saying No. A neighbor asks me to pet-sit her vomit-happy cat, I agree. My friend begs me to drive him down to Anaheim on a Sunday night to look at a car he might purchase, I say yes. An old co-worker pestered me on a daily basis to fix his computer/phone/misc. technology that he couldn't figure out for the life of him how to operate, I conceded (though I drew the line at filling his stapler -- yes he really did ask). Something inside compels me to be obliging and agree to things that frankly, I would rather not do in a hundred million years.

Same scenario applies when a guy asks for my number. Generally I look at him stupidly for a minute as though I didn't really understand the question, I stammer a few unintelligible syllables to stall for time, but inevitably I just hand over the digits thinking "this is going to come back and bite me in the ass." I'm too nice, or wracked by guilt, or perhaps just too stupid to provide a fake number. So now the only thing left to do is ignore his phone calls until he gets the hint and leaves me alone. He feels rejected and frustrated, I come off as a flaky bitch. It's an arduous process that could easily be averted if I could only figure out how to say NO.

or...

if men could only figure out how to get a woman's number the right way. Yes, I am about to tell you what that way is. Let's start from the beginning. The goal in picking up women is to avoid a) putting her in an awkward position where she is forced to give you her number even though she really doesn't want to, or b) facing direct rejection when she says No. I realize that some of you might be protesting "but hey, No Guts No Glory!" And you've got a point. But wouldn't you rather bypass the aforementioned awkwardness and get straight to the "so she IS interested" part? Yes, you would. Watch and learn:

This past weekend I was managing a large event for work as the Volunteer Coordinator. I had one particularly stand-out volunteer. Zeke. Tall, cute, black-rimmed "artist" glasses (Deanna, you're probably drooling). He arrived chipper and ready to pitch in at the crack of dawn, worked tirelessly throughout the day anywhere I needed him, and stayed until the bitter end to make sure that everthing was taken care of. Needless to say, I appreciated the help. And the eye candy. But with all the craziness of the event, I didn't really give it a second thought and went about my business. Fast forward to the end of the event -- exhausted, feet aching and drenched in sweat, I'm ready to go home. My boss walks up with a goofy grin on her face and presents me with a scrap of paper.

"Call Me :)
(###) ### - ####
- Zeke"

Gentlemen, take note. Good tactic, well executed. You put the ball in her court. Not only does it save her the embarrassment of saying NO or worse yet giving you her number even though she clearly would rather not, but it also saves you the embarrassment of a face-to-face rejection. If she doesn't call, no real loss of dignity or pride. If she does call, you know she's interested. She doesn't feel pestered or pressured, you don't risk going down in flames. It's a win-win situation.

- dusts hands, self-satisfied smile -

Really? Seriously?

I just heard a radio commercial promoting a dating website for potheads.

Yes.

No, really.

The premise is two girls talking about how hard it is to find dates with guys who don't object to a girl smoking out. One of the girl's name is "Mary Jane". Get it? Because...you know...pot is also referred to as that. Clever!

It's just...it's stupid. That commerical was so stupid it made me a little angry. Now, I know that everyone needs love, but are blazers really having a hard time finding each other? Perhaps the inherent laziness of the chronic marijuana worshipper is the problem. Why get off the couch and find someone, potentially harshing your mellow, when you can sit home with your Fritos and do it? It's good for the kids.

And who writes the dialogue for these things anyway? Not just this commerical, but pretty much every single commercial for a dating website is the most ridiculous...I mean, really people. Girls do not sit around "working out" with full make-up and hair done and make plans to invite some random dudes over the house from a party line. Nor do we sit around in sexy lingerie talking about anything or have "Topless Tuesdays" at the pool. Sorry for kicking your fantasy square in the nuts.

I know these are not supposed to be particularly realistic and that they're made primarily to attract men (because statistically they're more likely to pay for these things - like how women get cheaper covers for clubs), but at least make them quasi-feasible.

For example, there's this commerical for a birth control pill that has three women out at a club hanging out. Somehow Friend #1 starts talking about the new pill she's on (whatever) and Friend #2 ask some stupid question and then Friend #3 proceeds to spout about 35 seconds worth of the tiny writing that usually flashes at the bottom of the screen (side effects, consult your physician, yadda yadda yadda). Friend #2 says "You sure know a lot about this." Friend #3 replies "I should, I am a doctor." See, now that's slick. Brava! I commend that writer for actually making an effort.

But I digress.

Dating is difficult and creating special interest sites makes perfect sense. And you potheads can have your "420-friendly" haven, by all means. Because I'd rather you all be there then trying to hit on me at the club.

Erin is my idol

I miss Erin.

Erin is a friend of Tamara and I's who has been MIA for near over 2 years now. It's not that she lives out of town, in fact, she lives and works about 20 minutes from me. The issue is that she claims to be super busy with no time for outside interaction or socialization. (Sure.)

No, but seriously, to her credit, Erin is a force of nature and - besides her "I'm so busy" excuses and apologies for her hermit-like behavior - she is a woman who I admire beyond comprehension. She is witty, super intelligent, and wickedly funny. Also... 2 years ago she quit her soul-sucking desk job and spent several weeks in Australia exploring, hostelling, and picking up odd jobs like harvesting grapes. I am jealous of this, this boldness, this decision to follow your heart and dreams and live a LIFE.

Admittedly, there are challenges, mainly monetary, about this choice, and Erin has written to me about job/money strugges, et cetera after her return from Oz. But I don't know... she seems happier, more content with the direction she's taken. I know this is a guess, but I have a feeling I'm right.

I miss Erin. I know she'll read this and I hope she does. She needs to know how much she rocks and how much I wish she was back in my life.

With that being said, I felt compelled to post a recent response she sent to me about this blog and especially my last posting about Irish men. Pure Erin. Pure genius. Worthy of this blog as it's own posting.

Come back to us Erin!

*************************************

"i must draw your attention to my latest obsession before you write your british invasion-- have you ever seen band of brothers? the hbo miniseries?

if not, you must borrow it from me immediately and watch it. not only it is it a fantastic story (although part 9 makes me sob-- no bawl uncontrollably every time), but the casting was top notch. may i draw your attention to eion bailey (american probably of irish descent with that name, but can't be sure) who was also in fight club and on ER for awhile. if this acting thing doesn't work out for him, i'd like him to be my gardener. except i don't have a garden in my apartment, so we'll have to find some other way for him to earn his keep. of course i will have to win the lottery first. and we all know ron livingston.

feeling urge to go watch office space.

(going back to band of brothers) quite a few of them are english guys. of course, you can't tell from watching the miniseries since they all have american accents. but go check it out on imbd. there's no pic of shane taylor who plays doc roe, but he's super hot. matthew settle. hottie. and i swear i'm so attracted to his posture. how odd is that? (ok, i guess that's not really odd for me, it's just me)maybe it was just for the role, but if it was, he should seriously consider holding himself like that all the time. unfortunately, i think most of the guys are married. puh. so typical.


the bad thing about band of brothers is these guys are all playing WWII paratroopers. it's all based on the true story and real guys of easy company. so what's the problem? the problem is they just don't make men like that anymore. brokaw dubbed these men the greatest generation. he was right.

ok, so it's not that these guys don't exist (i remember my brothers old roommate who is a NYC firefighter who was telling us about sept. 11th and he heard about the plane hitting. his father, a retired firefighter i think, said, "son, don't go down there. i have a bad feeling about this one." and he said to his dad, "if i don't go down i can never show my face and the [firehouse] again. i won't be a man."), it's just that they are harder to find. and i put brackets around firehouse because i can't remember the word he actually used.

sometimes i think i'm too much of a romantic at heart to be born gen x. and by romantic i mean i life romantic, not a love romantic. if that makes any sense.

although i think in the end now, i just want someone who will be a good dad.

oh jeezus, that's my ovaries talking again. or possibly my uterus. i'm not entirely sure. but a good dad would always risk his own life to save his child. but the test is, would his risk his life to save someone else's child? makes me think of that guy in florida years ago (think it was summer 2001-- the year of the sharks) whose nephew's arm was bitten off by a shark.
the guy went into the water, pulled the shark out by its tail, beat it, then reached inside its mouth to pull out his nephews arm. amazing.

on a side note, i'm very glad my parents bought me a subscription to readers digest. not only is it great toilet reading (lots of quick bites, but also longer pieces for your longer moments-- brilliantly designed for the pooper), but it highlights one "ordinary hero" story each month. gives me hope. i do find it interesting that most of these stories are usually about guys from a lower-income bracket. i'm sure there have to be higher-wage-earners who are stand-up fellas too. but it feels like there's a connection.

anyhoo, how ARE you guys??? i'm catching up at work. it's strange working from home and no longer being an everyday part of the hostel. i've been working long hours because i was doing both jobs for awhile, so things got WAY behind, but it's getting better. now i will have more reasonable hours (which i set myself since my office is like 25 feet from my bed). and i can finally start getting my life back!!

talk soon,
erin

p.s. spent this morning catching up with the blog and oooohing and ahhhing my heart out. and laughing of course. brilliant stuff.

p.p.s. for brit invasion... few suggestions... johnny lee miller. i swear he hasn't aged since trainspotting. seriously adorable in mindhunters (also starring eion bailey mentioned way way above). the guy from love actually who is in love with kiera knightly. love the way he wears that tutleneck sweater that not many guys could get away with. and of course jude law.

colin firth, who although a seriously bad on-screen kisser, is still seriously hot. and i can't help but love hugh grant. even though he got a blow job from a skank prositute down the street from me. i mean, what celebrity has come back from something like that with such humour (spelling in honour of those pesky pomms) and style?

and while we're on the topic of english blokes, i saw the police at dodger stadium. not the greatest concert, but not bad. was fun. except they detroyed don't stand so close to me and i don't mean in a good way. it was like sting was singing in one key and the band playing in another. it really didn't work. it was actually painful to listen too. and i LOVE that song.

ok. i'm done now. over and out"

Too Ra Loo Ra Loo Ra...YES.

Fact #1: There are over 31 million people in the U.S. who are of Irish descent. This is almost 8 times more Irish than in Ireland itself (with a population of 4 million.)

Fact #2: Irish-American boys are enjoyable.

Fact #3: IRISH boys (from Ireland proper) are MORE enjoyable. Is it the concentration of genes? The whole european boy mystique? WHO CARES! It's an across the board consensus with us gals (particularly...ahem... T and Linds) that Irish boys are delectable.

So now it's only fair that since I covered the glorious glories of Scottish lads two months or so back, that I should pay equal homage to our Irish boys and their lucky charms. Below, I've listed 15 lovely laddies for your viewing pleasure.

Let us wander these fields aplenty, shall we?


#15: Damien Duff (born in Ballyboden, County Dublin)

Ok. Why in God's green earth do we find redheads enjoyable? Because we do. Because. We. Do. Behold Irish footballer Damien Duff, who is so adorable and yet so sexy that I don't know if I should ruffle his hair or pull it.


#14: Robbie Keane (born in Tallaght, County Dublin)
>

Another famous Irish footballer (and you better know I mean SOCCER football!)

Um. Hi. Hi there. ... Hi.


#13: Robert O'Connor (born in Dublin, County Dublin)

He's a singer. He's a songwriter. He's a model. He's so scruffy and boyishly adorable that I want to mess with his hair, pinch his cheeks, then run away. But I think I'll leave that to Lindsay.


#12: Cillian Murphy (born in Douglas, County Cork)

Sexy in that mesmerizing but "don't be alone with him he might do something to you" sort of way. Oy Vey. Ahem...

Ok...

MOVING ON!



#11: Gabriel Byrne (born in Dublin)


Can I just say "MECHA-GLORIOUS"? I know that's not really a word, but can I? Because YEAH. Because TALENTED. And because SEXY in that rumpled, world-weary, worn around the edges, older-man-that-I'm-sure-can-possibly-teach-you-things sort of way.


#10: Shane Lynch (born in Dublin)

Ex-Boyzone band member, sometimes motorsports racer and sometimes actor (and reality TV star.) I kind of feel guilty for enjoying him, but not too guilty. Behold the tats.


#9: Pierce Brosnan (born in Drogheda, County Louth)


Number One Bond will ALWAYS be Mr. Connery. But Number Two Bond will ALWAYS be Mr. Brosnan, hands down. No exceptions. (Sorry Valerie!)


#8: Stuart Townsend (born in Howth, County Dublin)


Let's forget his roles in League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and Queen of the Damned shall we? I know that most of you gals can look past this and into his eyes and forgive. So a moment of silence while we appreciate....


Ok, thank you.


#7: Ronan Keating (born in Bayside, County Dublin)


Another ex-Boyzone member - the lead singer this time. I know you're all mesmerized by The Pretty. But break away for a moment, if you can, because it gets worse.


#6: Jonathan Rhys-Meyers (born in Dublin)

I told you it got worse. The ultimate pretty of The Pretties based on our informal girlfriends' poll. Nikkia has much to say about Sir Loveliness. Yes Nikkia, yes I know. As for me, my fascination is more in his near-androgynous gorgeous looks, my fascination not being sexual in the least. No, really.

I really enjoyed him in Velvet Goldmine. But then I think it was more his character Brian Slade/Maxwell Demon that I loved. (My whole glam-rock fabulousness obsession and all.) Whatever. Here's some piccies. (Including him as Maxwell Demon. Yes.)


#5: Glenn Quinn (born in Dublin)

Do you remember him in Angel? I do. And he was only in like, 9 episodes, then he sacrificed himself so that others may live. I wanted to see more of him, but then he had to go and die of a heroin overdose in 2002. (Thanks.)


#4: Michael Fassbender (grew up in Killarney, County Kerry)

Ok, did you even SEE him in 300? DID YOU????


#3: Larry Mullen, Jr. (born in Artane, County Dublin)
My fascination with drummers continues. No wait, HE was the one who really started it all. I wonder if he has any sons....


#2: Damien Rice (born in Celbridge, County Kildare)

I was privileged enough to see him at Coachella this year and his lovely songs and earnest, beautiful tenor voice were enough to make me cry and hug him forever. This boy is too much. But I'm going to stop talking about him now because I can just see Lindsay standing over me with that "watch it" face so he's all yours now Linds.


#1: Colin Farrell (born in Castleknock, County Dublin)

Yeah.


Um...



Yeahhhh.

Why is he #1, you ask? I agree, he's not exactly the HOTTEST guy or the most talented artist or the most intelligent or the most charming. But I think he has to be #1 because he is hot ENOUGH and charming ENOUGH and there is that other thing... you know... that pesky naughty thing called "a reputation" that precedes him. And you know us girls and our thing for dirty dirty DIRTY - (no really - DIRTY) boys. I recall some very enjoyable discussions about Mr. Farrell over the past 4 years. And surprisingly, most of them were started by Tamara or Erin. Go fig.


Yeah.



Honorable Mention: The entire band Westlife (originated in County Sligo)

I just HAD to put this honorable mention down because us girls seem to look at Westlife with a bemused and entertained mentality. Also, I can't seem to separate the band members. Yeah - they kind of are a parcel deal.

Though they're not that particularly attractive, they're still enjoyable in some respect and that's really all. They serve their purpose, so there. No apologies.


FIN.

Coming soon: The British Invasion