what makes men fall in love?

so as i was "working" today i came across this article on yahoo news from men's health magazine (sidenote: i always appreciate the mens on the cover...sigh). while normally i think most of this stuff is total propagana, this one sorta made sense. see my thoughts in CAPS. what do the rest of you think??

Here goes:
Judging from the kind of mail we get at Men's Health from men seeking relationship advice, I can tell you this definitively about men: When a man falls for a woman, he falls hard. Men love to be in love. While men often get stereotyped as single-minded sex-seekers, the truth is that a man's stomach churns like a slushy machine when he's in those initial stages of the perfect relationship.

When you consider that half of men say that they're currently not with their soul mates, that means a heck of a lot of slushy machines are waiting to be turned on. What are they waiting for? What makes a man fall in love? After you rule out the obvious intangible laws of chemistry, attraction, and being in the right place at the right time that kick-start many a relationship, I think the question really becomes this: What makes a man fall -- and stay -- in love? About 60 percent of men deem friendship the most important thing in a relationship (sex comes in at a skimpy 8 percent, according to a national Harris Interactive poll), but let's delve a little deeper. What exactly does that mean, and what kind of woman does a man really want? With full acknowledgement that men's tastes in women are as unpredictable as the plotline of "24," these are some of things that many men value in "the one."

A Woman with a Passion in Something Other Than Him

Yes, it's nice to be doted over. Yes, it's nice to be pampered. Yes, it's nice to be with a woman who showers you with compliments, neck kisses, and all of her attention. But there's a virtual Great Wall of China between a fleeting, flirtatious glance and the kind of attraction that can last a lifetime. Many men say they like a woman who's immersed in something else other than the relationship -- be it her work, or her sport, or whatever her "thing" is. Why? The passion she shows for something else confirms her inherent goodness, her personal drive, her independence. All pluses in the woman we're hoping to spend a few decades with.

THANK GOD! OFTEN TIMES WOMEN GET STEREOTYPED INTO THE "I WANT TO SPEND EVERY LAST SECOND OF EVERY SINGLE DAY WITH MY MAN CAUSE I HAVE NO OTHER REASON TO LIVE" CATEGORY AND THAT'S UBER-LAME IN MY BOOK. I'M NOT GONNA SIT HERE AND PREACH, CAUSE I (AND I'M SURE MANY OTHERS) HAVE BEEN GUILTY OF THIS AT LEAST ONCE IN OUR LIVES. BUT THANK GOD WE LEARN AND REALIZE THAT WE HAD KICK ASS LIVES BEFORE WE MET "THE GUY" - AND OUR LIVES SHOULD BE EQUALLY KICK ASS WHEN WE'VE DECIDED TO LET THEM JOIN OUR PARTY. JUST CAUSE YOU'RE WITH DUDE DOES NOT MEAN YOU SHOULD DITCH YOUR YOGA CLASS, GOING TO YOUR KNITTING CIRLCE (OR WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT) OR UM, LET'S SEE...KEEPING AND HANGING OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS! SO KUDOS FOR THIS ONE WRITER-GUY.

A Woman with No Problem with Guy Time

Every relationship has to choreograph the time-together dance. Once a couple elevates from casual to serious, it goes through that period when most waking and sleeping minutes are spent together. But at some point in the dance, one person will call a time out from the music of coupledom, and try to spend more time with his or her friends -- while still being careful not to step on any feet in the process. Even when they're with the most perfect woman, men still crave the occasional space to spend golfing or drinking or doing whatever (64 percent of men are happy to have the time to themselves when their wives or girlfriends have plans). Men love, appreciate, and are thankful for women who respect and endorse (and not complain about) his need to have a few testosterone mixers. Don't worry, March Madness will be over in just a few weeks!

AGAIN, THANK GOD. CAUSE REALLY, I DON'T NEED/ WANT TO SEE YOU EVERYDAY. I DON'T EVEN WANT TO TALK TO YOU EVERYDAY. AND WHEN I DO SEE YOU, THE LAST THING YOU NEED TO BE DOING IS BURPING AND MAKING OTHER GUY NOISES OR TELLING JOKES THAT MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I'M STUCK IN SOME STANKY LOCKER ROOM. SO PLEASE. HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS. DO WHAT YOU GOT TO DO.

A Woman with a Strut

Her strut in the bar may have been part of his initial attraction. The strut from the bedroom to the bathroom after the first night together may have been pure visual ecstasy. But the strut that happens day in and day out is one of the major attractors for a man. What do I mean by the strut? It's that attitude, that sassiness, that confidence, that charisma, that charm that shows she can be a little bold and little daring. In a recent post I talked about the line between a woman being confident and a woman being so aggressive that she turns men away, but the truth is that in certain aspects of relationships, men want women who have the strut. Men want to be with women who challenge them, who push them, and who take the lead some of the times. And that's as true in the bedroom as it is in planning their next weekend getaway. The danger? While it can be insanely attractive, that strut of confidence can also swing a man 180 degrees -- if she uses it in other places, like to flirt with other guys, to become a relationship dictator, or to pick a fight with his mom in front of the whole family. He'll point that kind of strut right out the door.

OK. MORE MEN NEED TO FEEL THIS WAY. I'M NOT SURE MANY DO - AT LEAST NOT THE ONES I'VE BEEN IN CONTACT WITH. BUT MEN WHO THINK REAL CONFIDENCE IS SEXY GETS AN A+ IN MY BOOK. THERE ARE PLENTY OF MEN WHO "CLAIM" TO WANT THIS, BUT ONCE THEY GET IT, DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT. YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY TO THAT? - MAN UP BITCHES. I MEAN, REALLY. IF YOU'RE CHOOSING TO BE WITH A WOMAN WHO CHALLENGES YOU - YOU BEST STEP UP AND TAKE IT. AND A NOTE FOR WOMEN - I AGREE THAT BEING WAAAYYY CONFIDENT CAN TRANSLATE TO BEING OVERLY AGGRESSIVE WHICH EQUALS SORTA SCARY. NO NEED TO BE A BALL BUSTER HERE. I THINK THERE'S A FINE LINE OF KNOWING WHEN TO DISH SOME OUT AND WHEN TO HOLD IT BACK.

A Woman with a Good Taste in Ties

Okay, so we don't really care about the ties per se. But what we care about is a woman's ability to give us a little-and this is a key word-gentle guidance. I know Freudian followers will say that it's a man's need to be mothered, but it's more than that. Every relationship is a give and take, and guys will definitely take women who can warn us when our new soul patch looks stupid, who can guide us to the perfect suit and shirt combo for an upcoming job interview, who can help them make decisions without being harsh or judgmental. Guys like to project that they know what they're doing and that they don't need any help. Women who can help steer us, without aggressively grabbing the wheel, are the most treasured copilots.

AMEN WRITER-GUY, AMEN. THIS IS ONE THING THAT IS AMAZING ABOUT WOMEN. WE KNOW HOW TO GET SHIT DONE IN A WAY THAT IS SO SUBTLE PEOPLE DON'T EVEN REALIZE ITS HAPPENING TILL VOILA! IT'S DONE. (HILARY CLINTON FOR PREZ ANYONE?)I'M JUST SAYING...

excuse me while i go be awesome.

3 comments:

Val said...

i have three thoughts:

1) while falling in love is hardly formulaic, i applaud Writer-Guy for identifying a few key and, more importantly, admirable qualities that men seek in a woman. i would, however, like to know where these men are ...

2) d, you're welcome for the sign-off line, i should really copyright it

3) i want a slushy.

T!! said...

Ah...the mystery of men. It's like we speak Portuguese and they speak Spanish - similar languages but different enough to cause confusion.

Deanna said...

omg val. i SO want a slushy too. get outta my head.