a few weeks ago, a co-worker asked me out for drinks. I knew he was going to because another co-worker sent me a text warning me. good looking out oli!! so the next day in the afternoon, i'm sitting at my desk in the office wrapping up the day and in he walks. can you say cornered? i can. i flash him a smile and say, "what's up? what are you up to this afternoon?" he says, " i don't know, i was about to ask you the same thing, if you wanted to go get a drink after work." keep in mind that my office isn't exactly MY office, there are several other people in the office who can hear everything. so i say, "today? i can't go today. let me see when i can." i pull out my crackberry (i love my crackberry) to look at my calendar. i tell him i can go next tuesday and he says, "okay," then leaves.
the next tuesday rolls around and i haven't seen or heard from this guy in a week. i'm coming back to my office after a long ass meeting and find him loitering in the hall. i'm sorry, but that was a little creepy. he asks me if we were still on for the night. i'm thinking to myself, you should have asked me yesterday, but i respond with, "sure, i just have to wrap up my desk first." he told me he'd be right back, dude didn't come back for almost 45 mins. the only reason i waited was because i didn't want to repeat the drinks date. better to get it over with then and there. we make arrangements to go to a local wine bar(side note: guys, NEVER take a woman you're into to a bar with really hot bartenders. just DON'T!). we have great conversation but i'm totally not feeling it. i'm looking at him from every angle, he's really sweet. that's a plus for him. but i sense a little bit of a door mat, minus. the biggest minus is that he took two fricken years to ask me out. WTF. After an hour or so i cut the date short as i have another appointment, give him a hug goodbye and leave.
the next day i'm hearing from mutual friends that he thinks we had a great time and that we have alot in common. um, what date was he on? just because two adults sat together for an hour and had a decent conversation where mutual interests came up? this means we'll end up in bed together? um, i don't think so buddy. we may have talked about cars but you definitely didn't rev my engine. not in the slightest glimpse of a rev. moving on. he corners me again in my office. seriously, i'm getting a little creeped out. he's a sweetheart, but this sneaking up on a girl will get you hurt. i'm just saying. so, he asks me to take a walk with him he wants to ask me something. when we get outside he asks me if i was seeing anyone. i tell him, "i'm entertaining the idea of someone." i didn't know what to say. i didn't want to have the ' i'm not really dating right now, i work with you i don't think it's a good idea' conversation. he takes this to mean that i'm seeing someone and we end it at that.
now everytime we see each other in the halls he waves to me, but never looks me in the eye. WTF is that about? i can't not like someone? damn.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
11 comments:
Ohhhhhh... single tear. Mew.
Ladies, I write this with utmost respect. Myself and my male co-workers read your blog every so often... most of the time it's funny and insightful, but sometimes, oh lord it makes us cringe. This last post Nik, made us cringe. I feel as a member of the opposite sex I need to speak up and provide you with some insight which, as you're not a male, you lack.
Your co-worker. Obviously from the get-go you were less than excited about it. That's fine. However, if you're not feeling it, why in god's name are you ragging on the guy for taking two years to ask you out? I'll let you in on a little secret--he took so long because he was working up the courage to face his fear of rejection. Now that he's been rejected by you, why in the name of all things holy are you going to give him shit for taking so long? It seems awfully catty. And if it really bothered you it took that long, maybe you should've asked HIM out. Considering that men are by and large the ones to do the asking out, why are you complaining? Indeed I can't find a single entry in this entire blog describing any of you ladies asking a guy out for once. Not a single one. As far as I can tell, you get all the men coming to you. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal. As such, I imagine you don't have as much experience with this whole "fear of rejection" thing as we do. Being rejected is like getting slapped with a "Fail" grade on your entire character... it sucks. So until you try it yourself, ease up on your co-worker.
Secondly, and this is the real kicker... You state that you had
"a great conversation". Alas you just weren't feeling it. Later, you find out that he also feels that you two had a great time, and have a lot in common. And then you go and say "Uh, what date was he on? Just because two adults sat together for an hour and had a decent [didn't you describe it as great?] conversation where mutual interests came up? this means we'll end up in bed together?" Uh, Nik... I don't think he said anything about bed. He said (according to you) that you two had a great time and have common interests. Nowhere in there do I see anything about getting in your pants. To be honest, the first mention of sex came from... you. Contrary to popular (your?) belief, we men look for we're attracted to physically AND mentally, and we like to take our time getting to know you before hitting the sheets. You jumped to the conclusion that he now thinks he's going to get some when he said absolutely nothing about sex. Not a single word about hooking up with you. Word from the other team--we don't like girls who are presumptive and haughty... don't make judgments about our feelings or intentions when there is absolutely zero evidence to back them up.
Finally, you expressed a "WTF" as to why he doesn't look you in the eye as you pass in the hall. It's obvious, isn't it? You're a reminder of his failure... a failure two years in the making. I don't blame him for not wanting to rehash that, do you?
Time to bring this novella to a conclusion. Being that honest, open communication is the foundation of any relationship, I thought it might do good to hear a perspective from the single guys.
Keep up the writing, and good hunting.
mr. anonymous, you don't know what you just did.
Down girl...
...I got it covered
hahahahahahah
oh man. this is awesome.
I really have to reply to mr. anonymous who commented above...
I know that he took two years to ask her out. And you’re right… he shouldn’t have gotten shit for that. And for someone to finally build the courage to ask out the one woman he sought after the most in his life, I give him props. Ok yeah.. the boy does need to work on his game. But Nik was nice enough though to go out with him regardless. Some girls would probably just brush him off so it really was nice that she gave him a few hours of her time to spend with him. From what I gather, she already knew that the “date” wasn’t going to go anywhere. And I think she played it off right by cutting the night short. He just tried to take what little came out of it and made it seem better. To some people, that one date will make your day, maybe even your month. And it did for him. He gets to look cool now when telling stories to his boys at the pool hall. Give that to him. Too bad it wasn’t the same for Nik.
However, you made me cringe reading your insights on how it is to be a man. Are you gay?! We do think of sex whether we bring it up or not. Don’t lie to yourself. And she has all the right in the world to assume it. Cuz really… Yes. It’s not like we expect it the next date or even a few dates after, but it’s on your mind. And I agree that we of course look for that woman who can challenge us intellectually too and make us laugh. But when looking for a woman, we think of the entire package as I’m sure girls do to about their men. And to say “don’t make judgements about our feelings”… come on. You sound like a girl. Man up!
Nik is just Hotter than an African Queen.
And that guy can always say he went on a date with her. He just can’t look at her right now. He’s probably already scoping another girl.
That’s all this guy has to say.
My dear boy, let me take your response one piece at a time.
Firstly, Nik was very nice to go out with him. I never said anything to the contrary. Indeed I think (from what she described) that she played the date well—not letting it go too long, keeping it to casual conversation, etc. She was very respectful and courteous. In this vein we’re in agreement.
And then you go and make an ass out of yourself. You confidently say that “the one date” made his day, maybe even his month. You go on to say that he “gets to look cool now when telling stories to his boys”… Let me remind you that while he did have one date, Nik wasn’t into him, so he was ultimately rejected. Just to bring you up to speed—rejection does not equal cool.
Let’s role play. Imagine we’re all standing around that pool table, looking like we’re in some kind of Bud Light commercial.
“Hey man, how’s your week been?”
-with a look of smug satisfaction- “Well boys, I had a date this week...”
“Oooo! How’d it go?”
“Really well. We had a great conversation, a good time.”
“Nice man! Way to go. So when’s the next one?”
“Oh there’s not going to be another. “
“Wait… I thought…”
“No, she wasn’t into me.”
-awkward silence-
“…. Oh. Well, uh… cool. I guess.”
See what I mean?
I don’t actually know how to address your next paragraph. Am I gay? No. Is that supposed to be an insult? Are gay men not men? Do they lack insight on being men? What does homosexuality have to do with anything? Are you just not that bright? Get with the fuckin’ times, bro… you sound like an 11th grade jock from West Texas. If you want to insult me, try something a bit more high-brow.
Secondly, yes of course we think about sex. Everyone does. Even Mother Francesca at St. Joseph’s feels the heat in her cheeks once in a while. And yes, of course this guy thought Nik was hot. But let me rephrase my argument in a clearer way. Nik reported that the guy told her friend they had a good time and a fun conversation. However, Nik then ragged on him for assuming “this means we’ll end up in bed together”, when in fact, he never assumed it. Her friend asked him how the date went-- He never said anything about “we’re totally gonna bone now”. He never assumed anything. Go back and read it. And I’m sure he THOUGHT about hooking up with her… like you said, we think about sex all the time. But he never was arrogant enough to ASSUME it would happen, the way Nik portrayed him. Got it?
At the end, you say that “that guy can always say he went on a date with her.” Uh, it’s not a story he’s likely to tell a whole bunch, friend. “Hey guys, listen to this… I was totally into this girl for two years, then I finally got up the courage to ask her out and she rejected me after the first date! Sweet, huh!?”
I can’t believe you told me to “man up.” That’s hilarious. Take that shit on the road, son… it’ll be a huge hit.
And Nik—I have no problem that you were not into him. You can’t help that. Poor guy obviously doesn’t have a lot of game, and I was just saying you ought to ease up on him. Love your posts, love your stories… just had to raise issue with this one.
"Get with the fuckin’ times, bro… you sound like an 11th grade jock from West Texas."
still in stitches over this one. brilliant!
Dude! I really am from the 915! And proud of it (Yee Haw!) as I did letter in 3 sports. You figured me out. But to know Mother Francesca… man! I called her and she nearly hurt me from the other side of the phone cuz I asked if her cheeks got hot every now and then.
I really do need counseling. Enough of this... I'll have to man up. You know y'all are saying that now though! I got you hooked.
Ok.. got homework to do so I can graduate from St. Joseph's already.
Post a Comment