This will be short and sweet, as I actually have work to do (surprise!) and I have little patience today for finding the words to adequately express my annoyance with the ridiculous double standards by which society dictates the sexual behaviors of men and women in this day and age. I am a fairly forward thinking, independent woman with a healthy outlook on on life, love, and sex. I've got no Daddy issues. I'm unattached, and happy to be so. I'm not going to give you one of those "I'm independent, I don't need a Man" speeches because let's face it, they're about as cliche as those "Girls Rule!" bumper stickers and if that Perfect Guy came along, I'd jump on that in a heartbeat. But he hasn't (yet) and I'm ok with that. Still ... I have needs as much as the next girl. And while those little toys in our bedside tables are a great invention (I thank you on behalf of women everywhere) -- they just don't cut it all the time. Sometimes, you just want to have sex.
Which brings me to the great Double Standard of our time: men who sleep with as many women as he wants to, and as casually as he wants to, are treated to high fives and general glorification by other men. Women who do the same thing are labeled as slutty, maybe permiscuous, or "taken advantage of" at best. Did anyone stop to consider that if I make a concious choice to have sex on occasion with someone who isn't looking to make me his girlfriend, it's because I want to? Don't get me wrong, there are some girls out there who do things, and by 'things' I mean 'have permiscuous sex', for all the wrong reasons. I am not one of them. I am selective. I respect myself, and for the most part I choose to have sex with people who (I believe) respect me too.
I also know my boundaries. I know when there is a possibility of me becoming attached, and when there isn't. I'm not immune to developing feelings for someone I might be sleeping with, and if I foresee that happening without recriprocal sentiments from the other party, I stop. If I feel like I'm being misled, or jerked around, or that I'm not being given the full story...that's also grounds for stopping. I realize this 'Sliding Scale' system of choosing who I sleep with, and when, might seem a little unorthodox. But it works for me.
That said, I don't claim that this is for everyone, or even for me all the time. I'd love to hear your thoughts, and I encourage comments of all variety.
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7 comments:
You're absolutely right. It's shitty that this double standard still exists in the 21st century.
However, I question if it's going to be around much longer. The term "manwhore" has actually come up and has been used quite often these days.
Now go make me a sandwich, woman.
I'm so sick of it and it drives me nuts to hear it.
Solution in the meantime: surround yourself with forward thinking people who find now problems with girls having sex just for the sake of having sex
go on girl, get yours! that's all i have to say
I too am single and I too desire the company of a man instead of my trusty bedside gadgets on occassion. I can't go out and sleep with anyone and I don't want to be in a relationship right now so I came up with this solution:
Booty Call. Although it is a harsh term it really is the best thing possible. I have a good male friend who one night I got a little tipsy with and we eneded up hooking up. The next day we made sure we were both on the same page with the "I don't want to date" issue but we both had a good time so from that day on we became eachother's booty calls.
We usually hang out a couple times a month, enough times to quench the thirst but not enough to create unwanted feelings. It works great! We've had our "mutually beneficial friendship" for 5 months now and let me tell you, it is helpful during these cold winter nights!
Go get some!
totally agree. if you want to get your freak on, get it. tell everyone else with a lame-ass opinion to shove it.
(sorry, i'm sorta feisty today).
SO@24 - sorry, but "manwhore" still doesn't have the same ring to it as "slut."
Trixie - that's what this blog is all about :)
Chardonnay - you've summed up the FWB strategy perfectly, you should host a Booty Call seminar
D and Nik - i plan to :)
But if you think about it, what about the converse double standard? It doesn't affect me so much here in England, but apparently it's a big thing in the US - being a virgin.
I'm 18 and I've never had sex (not consciously, I just need to feel very very comfortable with a guy sexually before I can let myself chillout). But for a guy to be a virgin at this age? it's considered both by men and women to me a negative...
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