How To Be A Nice Guy and Still Get Girls Like An A--hole

Hello and welcome one and all.

So I feel utterly compelled now to give some answers and advice to the boys out there reading our blog regarding a question that has come up MORE THAN ONCE with me from my single bros: "Why do girls seem to always be attracted to the a--holes and us nice guys get the bum rap?"

Here's my take on this and some advice to all the uber-nice guys out there. Before I begin, I must put out a disclaimer that this is just my own, personal opinion. I'm sure I'll get tagged as a bit controversial, and/or have my gals and guys out there calling me out or disagreeing with me, but hey, this is the SGC and anything goes right? So here we go:

#1 - WHY ARE A LOT OF GIRLS ATTRACTED TO THE "BAD BOY"?
Ok, I admit it, there's a certain sexy "danger" to a bad boy, and I'm sure a lot of girls out there are with me. But here's the thing - if we can help it, we want the bad boy image with the good boy sensibilities. We are sexual beings as much as you boys, and we're drawn to the masculin-ey manness that bad boys exude. Oh, like flies to honey. And damn, a lot of times the bad boys are sooooo gooooood... you know what I mean?

Unfortunately, by being drawn to the sexy number with the tats and the hard biceps and dark gaze, we succumb and later find out about the heroin, the hos or the hitting ... Horribly for us, a lot of "bad boys" know that they're chick magnets and cultivate it, hone it, fine tune it. In addition, they KNOW that lots of us girls can be emotionally manipulated (not all of us, mind you) as long as the sex is hot and we get JUST enough attention and romance. Sadly, a lot of girls know only this kind of guy, and that's all they know. And only because they just won't give the nice guys a chance. So here's where we go to ...


#2 - HOW CAN I ATTRACT THE GIRL WHO LOVES THE BAD BOY BUT ACHES FOR THE GOOD GUY?
Here's a (not so) eye-opening revelation: Almost all girls out there want both. Unfortunately, a good number of guys are either/or. These men are either too bad or too nice. The answer is to strike the balance. And NO, I'm not saying be more of an a-hole. God forbid. What I mean is to cultivate your "naughty" or "wicked" or oh-so-interestingly-sexy-and mysterious side while keeping your nice guy sentimentalities as strong as ever. Here's my advice on how:

Remember a somewhat popular saying that men "love their woman to be a lady in public and a tiger/tramp/whore in the bedroom?" Well most women can attest to wanting kind of the same thing with their guy. But then there's the initial draw...

If you have something - anything - about you that's interesting, sexy, tantalizing, perhaps a bit "dangerous," flaunt it a bit and use it as a foil to your nice-guy-ities. To me, NOTHING is hotter and more attractive than, say, a man with a shaved head and tats and a dark gaze, who also loves to cook, loves music, enjoys chick flicks as much as action flicks, is talented, smart, funny, sensitive, and is humble, respectful, honest and kind. Oh, and drama free - did I say drama free? But that's just my own, personal taste. I think you get the idea.

The problem with nice guys is that their niceness translates too intensely in their first impression as well as once the relationship is going. We want NICE, not milquetoast. It's difficult and frustrating to describe, but try to be forward without being overeager or annoying, be respectful but not ingratiating, be humble without be overly self-depracating, be gentlemanly without being insulting. We girls are visual creatures too, so dress well - I'm not saying you have to be all GQ about it - but we appreciate a well-chosen, clean, simple outfit. (A well-fitting t-shirt or button-down with dark rinse jeans and really cool shoes never fails, and screams enough effort while looking effortless.)

In my ideal world, NO ONE picks up ANYONE at a bar anymore, because, really.... but if you must, please refer to Tamara's post long ago on Do's & Don'ts of "Hollering At A Girl". In my ideal world, you meet people through mutual friends or at a party, you strike up a conversation, you listen more than you talk, you attempt to find mutual interests, you attempt to AT LEAST act interested. You then say "It was great meeting you, I'd love to hang out with you again sometime" and numbers are exchanged. In an ideal world... But that's another blog.

Round two: Once a relationship is established, a lot of nice guys out there exude niceness and make so much effort to be nice and "respectful" to their woman that all the hot, dirty danger, mystery, and tantalizing teasing goes out the door.

Just as you guys out there love when we girls revel every so often in our femininity - our womanly wiles, smiles and styles (oh, how we like wearing our lingerie/getting naked for you if you give us a good reason to!) We girls love all things MANLY about you. For some girls it's a sharpened wit and a protective, helpful air every so often. For others it's as blatant as cavemanish actions behind closed doors. Get to know your woman and find out what gets her going.

One big thing is... the little things. Yes we love sex, but we also love affection as well as a little bit of naughty assertiveness. You can be nice and gentlemanly, but sneak us some kisses, strokes, and squeezes every day. You just opened that jar for us? Hand it back to us with a smile, then walk behind us and... nibble us on the ear as you walk past. Tickle our foot or kneecap under the table, then smile innocently. (No, I didn't say MAKE OUT or stick your tongue in our ear in public. I draw the line on some extreme forms of PDA, thank you very much.)

When you come home from work/practice/whatever, greet us at the door with a hug and kiss. But EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, greet us with a hug and a kiss ... then take our face in your hands, kiss us full, then push us against the wall...

I think you get the drift.

Strike the balance. Nice guys, cultivate your bad guy - your safe bad guy inner self - and you'll have us melting in your hands.

Excuse me now. There's a man waiting for me to come to bed. ;)