Coffee and The Ex

"Hi there, long time no talk"

Oh, is it that time already? The bi-annual "check in" from The Ex? My, time does fly. It seems only yesterday I was reading an awkwardly-penned email asking if I'd like to "grab coffee and catch up," the first post-breakup correspondence we'd had since the demise of our 2 year relationship 5 months earlier. We had coffee, it was nice, we went our separate ways with a "let's keep in touch" from him and an "ummhmm" from me. It was pleasant, cordial, with splash of Familiar and Comforting thrown in to confuse me. But I still walked away with a lingering sense of Things Left Unsaid. So when the little gchat window popped up on my computer screen yesterday with a request for Coffee Round 2, I felt that familiar urge to let him know exactly what I think of him and his appallingly tactless breakup manners.

Long story short, the breakup didn't go well. It wasn't a battle of epic proportions, it wasn't a tragedy, it wasn't World War III. It just didn't do justice to me, or to our relationship. Things could have been said differently, handled better. To skip the tedious details (unless you want to hear them), when all is said and done -- I don't feel particularly charitable in the post-breakup Friendship department. At the risk of sounding like I have an over-inflated ego, I don't really know if he deserves my friendship. There I said it.

But I've reached a point where I want to let go of the bitterness and resentment. As a friend said, it only holds me back from moving on to bigger and better things (and something about soup?). For my emotional health and wellbeing, it's time to let go. But does forgiving mean forgetting? Does letting go involve me getting some things off my chest? Have I passed the expiration date for speaking my piece? Is it even worth it?

For those of you who know me, I can be a trifle stubborn at times. -cough- Ok I can be a stubborn ass. I hold grudges, I feel things deeply and don't easily forget when I've been wronged.

This forgiveness business is going to be tricky ...