Pretty Guy of the Week

Ah...Pretty Guys, how we've missed you. For my triumphant return, I offer you model/actor Marco Dapper. He hasn't been in much in terms of acting but he better get a move on. He's far too pretty not to be on the big screen. While straight, he plays a bi-sexual figure model in the move Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds. Yes, it sounds like porn but it's not (even though he does appear naked in it). God bless the gays. They have the best taste.

Big ups to amazing photographer Adam Bouska (check out this site too), One Stop Cool, Hunk Du Jour, and Techstickle for the pics.

Guess who's back in the mother f'ing house...

Yes yes...it's been awhile. I've been silent for a long time and I have to apologize for that. But I'd just like to announce that I have a couple of things in the works that will be appearing in the next few weeks and I'm digging them and I hope you will too.

Be prepared.

what makes men fall in love?

so as i was "working" today i came across this article on yahoo news from men's health magazine (sidenote: i always appreciate the mens on the cover...sigh). while normally i think most of this stuff is total propagana, this one sorta made sense. see my thoughts in CAPS. what do the rest of you think??

Here goes:
Judging from the kind of mail we get at Men's Health from men seeking relationship advice, I can tell you this definitively about men: When a man falls for a woman, he falls hard. Men love to be in love. While men often get stereotyped as single-minded sex-seekers, the truth is that a man's stomach churns like a slushy machine when he's in those initial stages of the perfect relationship.

When you consider that half of men say that they're currently not with their soul mates, that means a heck of a lot of slushy machines are waiting to be turned on. What are they waiting for? What makes a man fall in love? After you rule out the obvious intangible laws of chemistry, attraction, and being in the right place at the right time that kick-start many a relationship, I think the question really becomes this: What makes a man fall -- and stay -- in love? About 60 percent of men deem friendship the most important thing in a relationship (sex comes in at a skimpy 8 percent, according to a national Harris Interactive poll), but let's delve a little deeper. What exactly does that mean, and what kind of woman does a man really want? With full acknowledgement that men's tastes in women are as unpredictable as the plotline of "24," these are some of things that many men value in "the one."

A Woman with a Passion in Something Other Than Him

Yes, it's nice to be doted over. Yes, it's nice to be pampered. Yes, it's nice to be with a woman who showers you with compliments, neck kisses, and all of her attention. But there's a virtual Great Wall of China between a fleeting, flirtatious glance and the kind of attraction that can last a lifetime. Many men say they like a woman who's immersed in something else other than the relationship -- be it her work, or her sport, or whatever her "thing" is. Why? The passion she shows for something else confirms her inherent goodness, her personal drive, her independence. All pluses in the woman we're hoping to spend a few decades with.

THANK GOD! OFTEN TIMES WOMEN GET STEREOTYPED INTO THE "I WANT TO SPEND EVERY LAST SECOND OF EVERY SINGLE DAY WITH MY MAN CAUSE I HAVE NO OTHER REASON TO LIVE" CATEGORY AND THAT'S UBER-LAME IN MY BOOK. I'M NOT GONNA SIT HERE AND PREACH, CAUSE I (AND I'M SURE MANY OTHERS) HAVE BEEN GUILTY OF THIS AT LEAST ONCE IN OUR LIVES. BUT THANK GOD WE LEARN AND REALIZE THAT WE HAD KICK ASS LIVES BEFORE WE MET "THE GUY" - AND OUR LIVES SHOULD BE EQUALLY KICK ASS WHEN WE'VE DECIDED TO LET THEM JOIN OUR PARTY. JUST CAUSE YOU'RE WITH DUDE DOES NOT MEAN YOU SHOULD DITCH YOUR YOGA CLASS, GOING TO YOUR KNITTING CIRLCE (OR WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT) OR UM, LET'S SEE...KEEPING AND HANGING OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS! SO KUDOS FOR THIS ONE WRITER-GUY.

A Woman with No Problem with Guy Time

Every relationship has to choreograph the time-together dance. Once a couple elevates from casual to serious, it goes through that period when most waking and sleeping minutes are spent together. But at some point in the dance, one person will call a time out from the music of coupledom, and try to spend more time with his or her friends -- while still being careful not to step on any feet in the process. Even when they're with the most perfect woman, men still crave the occasional space to spend golfing or drinking or doing whatever (64 percent of men are happy to have the time to themselves when their wives or girlfriends have plans). Men love, appreciate, and are thankful for women who respect and endorse (and not complain about) his need to have a few testosterone mixers. Don't worry, March Madness will be over in just a few weeks!

AGAIN, THANK GOD. CAUSE REALLY, I DON'T NEED/ WANT TO SEE YOU EVERYDAY. I DON'T EVEN WANT TO TALK TO YOU EVERYDAY. AND WHEN I DO SEE YOU, THE LAST THING YOU NEED TO BE DOING IS BURPING AND MAKING OTHER GUY NOISES OR TELLING JOKES THAT MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I'M STUCK IN SOME STANKY LOCKER ROOM. SO PLEASE. HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS. DO WHAT YOU GOT TO DO.

A Woman with a Strut

Her strut in the bar may have been part of his initial attraction. The strut from the bedroom to the bathroom after the first night together may have been pure visual ecstasy. But the strut that happens day in and day out is one of the major attractors for a man. What do I mean by the strut? It's that attitude, that sassiness, that confidence, that charisma, that charm that shows she can be a little bold and little daring. In a recent post I talked about the line between a woman being confident and a woman being so aggressive that she turns men away, but the truth is that in certain aspects of relationships, men want women who have the strut. Men want to be with women who challenge them, who push them, and who take the lead some of the times. And that's as true in the bedroom as it is in planning their next weekend getaway. The danger? While it can be insanely attractive, that strut of confidence can also swing a man 180 degrees -- if she uses it in other places, like to flirt with other guys, to become a relationship dictator, or to pick a fight with his mom in front of the whole family. He'll point that kind of strut right out the door.

OK. MORE MEN NEED TO FEEL THIS WAY. I'M NOT SURE MANY DO - AT LEAST NOT THE ONES I'VE BEEN IN CONTACT WITH. BUT MEN WHO THINK REAL CONFIDENCE IS SEXY GETS AN A+ IN MY BOOK. THERE ARE PLENTY OF MEN WHO "CLAIM" TO WANT THIS, BUT ONCE THEY GET IT, DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT. YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY TO THAT? - MAN UP BITCHES. I MEAN, REALLY. IF YOU'RE CHOOSING TO BE WITH A WOMAN WHO CHALLENGES YOU - YOU BEST STEP UP AND TAKE IT. AND A NOTE FOR WOMEN - I AGREE THAT BEING WAAAYYY CONFIDENT CAN TRANSLATE TO BEING OVERLY AGGRESSIVE WHICH EQUALS SORTA SCARY. NO NEED TO BE A BALL BUSTER HERE. I THINK THERE'S A FINE LINE OF KNOWING WHEN TO DISH SOME OUT AND WHEN TO HOLD IT BACK.

A Woman with a Good Taste in Ties

Okay, so we don't really care about the ties per se. But what we care about is a woman's ability to give us a little-and this is a key word-gentle guidance. I know Freudian followers will say that it's a man's need to be mothered, but it's more than that. Every relationship is a give and take, and guys will definitely take women who can warn us when our new soul patch looks stupid, who can guide us to the perfect suit and shirt combo for an upcoming job interview, who can help them make decisions without being harsh or judgmental. Guys like to project that they know what they're doing and that they don't need any help. Women who can help steer us, without aggressively grabbing the wheel, are the most treasured copilots.

AMEN WRITER-GUY, AMEN. THIS IS ONE THING THAT IS AMAZING ABOUT WOMEN. WE KNOW HOW TO GET SHIT DONE IN A WAY THAT IS SO SUBTLE PEOPLE DON'T EVEN REALIZE ITS HAPPENING TILL VOILA! IT'S DONE. (HILARY CLINTON FOR PREZ ANYONE?)I'M JUST SAYING...

excuse me while i go be awesome.

I'm entertaining the idea of someone. . .

a few weeks ago, a co-worker asked me out for drinks. I knew he was going to because another co-worker sent me a text warning me. good looking out oli!! so the next day in the afternoon, i'm sitting at my desk in the office wrapping up the day and in he walks. can you say cornered? i can. i flash him a smile and say, "what's up? what are you up to this afternoon?" he says, " i don't know, i was about to ask you the same thing, if you wanted to go get a drink after work." keep in mind that my office isn't exactly MY office, there are several other people in the office who can hear everything. so i say, "today? i can't go today. let me see when i can." i pull out my crackberry (i love my crackberry) to look at my calendar. i tell him i can go next tuesday and he says, "okay," then leaves.
the next tuesday rolls around and i haven't seen or heard from this guy in a week. i'm coming back to my office after a long ass meeting and find him loitering in the hall. i'm sorry, but that was a little creepy. he asks me if we were still on for the night. i'm thinking to myself, you should have asked me yesterday, but i respond with, "sure, i just have to wrap up my desk first." he told me he'd be right back, dude didn't come back for almost 45 mins. the only reason i waited was because i didn't want to repeat the drinks date. better to get it over with then and there. we make arrangements to go to a local wine bar(side note: guys, NEVER take a woman you're into to a bar with really hot bartenders. just DON'T!). we have great conversation but i'm totally not feeling it. i'm looking at him from every angle, he's really sweet. that's a plus for him. but i sense a little bit of a door mat, minus. the biggest minus is that he took two fricken years to ask me out. WTF. After an hour or so i cut the date short as i have another appointment, give him a hug goodbye and leave.
the next day i'm hearing from mutual friends that he thinks we had a great time and that we have alot in common. um, what date was he on? just because two adults sat together for an hour and had a decent conversation where mutual interests came up? this means we'll end up in bed together? um, i don't think so buddy. we may have talked about cars but you definitely didn't rev my engine. not in the slightest glimpse of a rev. moving on. he corners me again in my office. seriously, i'm getting a little creeped out. he's a sweetheart, but this sneaking up on a girl will get you hurt. i'm just saying. so, he asks me to take a walk with him he wants to ask me something. when we get outside he asks me if i was seeing anyone. i tell him, "i'm entertaining the idea of someone." i didn't know what to say. i didn't want to have the ' i'm not really dating right now, i work with you i don't think it's a good idea' conversation. he takes this to mean that i'm seeing someone and we end it at that.
now everytime we see each other in the halls he waves to me, but never looks me in the eye. WTF is that about? i can't not like someone? damn.

The Pick-Up Done RIGHT

I don't know about you, but I have a real problem saying No. A neighbor asks me to pet-sit her vomit-happy cat, I agree. My friend begs me to drive him down to Anaheim on a Sunday night to look at a car he might purchase, I say yes. An old co-worker pestered me on a daily basis to fix his computer/phone/misc. technology that he couldn't figure out for the life of him how to operate, I conceded (though I drew the line at filling his stapler -- yes he really did ask). Something inside compels me to be obliging and agree to things that frankly, I would rather not do in a hundred million years.

Same scenario applies when a guy asks for my number. Generally I look at him stupidly for a minute as though I didn't really understand the question, I stammer a few unintelligible syllables to stall for time, but inevitably I just hand over the digits thinking "this is going to come back and bite me in the ass." I'm too nice, or wracked by guilt, or perhaps just too stupid to provide a fake number. So now the only thing left to do is ignore his phone calls until he gets the hint and leaves me alone. He feels rejected and frustrated, I come off as a flaky bitch. It's an arduous process that could easily be averted if I could only figure out how to say NO.

or...

if men could only figure out how to get a woman's number the right way. Yes, I am about to tell you what that way is. Let's start from the beginning. The goal in picking up women is to avoid a) putting her in an awkward position where she is forced to give you her number even though she really doesn't want to, or b) facing direct rejection when she says No. I realize that some of you might be protesting "but hey, No Guts No Glory!" And you've got a point. But wouldn't you rather bypass the aforementioned awkwardness and get straight to the "so she IS interested" part? Yes, you would. Watch and learn:

This past weekend I was managing a large event for work as the Volunteer Coordinator. I had one particularly stand-out volunteer. Zeke. Tall, cute, black-rimmed "artist" glasses (Deanna, you're probably drooling). He arrived chipper and ready to pitch in at the crack of dawn, worked tirelessly throughout the day anywhere I needed him, and stayed until the bitter end to make sure that everthing was taken care of. Needless to say, I appreciated the help. And the eye candy. But with all the craziness of the event, I didn't really give it a second thought and went about my business. Fast forward to the end of the event -- exhausted, feet aching and drenched in sweat, I'm ready to go home. My boss walks up with a goofy grin on her face and presents me with a scrap of paper.

"Call Me :)
(###) ### - ####
- Zeke"

Gentlemen, take note. Good tactic, well executed. You put the ball in her court. Not only does it save her the embarrassment of saying NO or worse yet giving you her number even though she clearly would rather not, but it also saves you the embarrassment of a face-to-face rejection. If she doesn't call, no real loss of dignity or pride. If she does call, you know she's interested. She doesn't feel pestered or pressured, you don't risk going down in flames. It's a win-win situation.

- dusts hands, self-satisfied smile -

Really? Seriously?

I just heard a radio commercial promoting a dating website for potheads.

Yes.

No, really.

The premise is two girls talking about how hard it is to find dates with guys who don't object to a girl smoking out. One of the girl's name is "Mary Jane". Get it? Because...you know...pot is also referred to as that. Clever!

It's just...it's stupid. That commerical was so stupid it made me a little angry. Now, I know that everyone needs love, but are blazers really having a hard time finding each other? Perhaps the inherent laziness of the chronic marijuana worshipper is the problem. Why get off the couch and find someone, potentially harshing your mellow, when you can sit home with your Fritos and do it? It's good for the kids.

And who writes the dialogue for these things anyway? Not just this commerical, but pretty much every single commercial for a dating website is the most ridiculous...I mean, really people. Girls do not sit around "working out" with full make-up and hair done and make plans to invite some random dudes over the house from a party line. Nor do we sit around in sexy lingerie talking about anything or have "Topless Tuesdays" at the pool. Sorry for kicking your fantasy square in the nuts.

I know these are not supposed to be particularly realistic and that they're made primarily to attract men (because statistically they're more likely to pay for these things - like how women get cheaper covers for clubs), but at least make them quasi-feasible.

For example, there's this commerical for a birth control pill that has three women out at a club hanging out. Somehow Friend #1 starts talking about the new pill she's on (whatever) and Friend #2 ask some stupid question and then Friend #3 proceeds to spout about 35 seconds worth of the tiny writing that usually flashes at the bottom of the screen (side effects, consult your physician, yadda yadda yadda). Friend #2 says "You sure know a lot about this." Friend #3 replies "I should, I am a doctor." See, now that's slick. Brava! I commend that writer for actually making an effort.

But I digress.

Dating is difficult and creating special interest sites makes perfect sense. And you potheads can have your "420-friendly" haven, by all means. Because I'd rather you all be there then trying to hit on me at the club.

Erin is my idol

I miss Erin.

Erin is a friend of Tamara and I's who has been MIA for near over 2 years now. It's not that she lives out of town, in fact, she lives and works about 20 minutes from me. The issue is that she claims to be super busy with no time for outside interaction or socialization. (Sure.)

No, but seriously, to her credit, Erin is a force of nature and - besides her "I'm so busy" excuses and apologies for her hermit-like behavior - she is a woman who I admire beyond comprehension. She is witty, super intelligent, and wickedly funny. Also... 2 years ago she quit her soul-sucking desk job and spent several weeks in Australia exploring, hostelling, and picking up odd jobs like harvesting grapes. I am jealous of this, this boldness, this decision to follow your heart and dreams and live a LIFE.

Admittedly, there are challenges, mainly monetary, about this choice, and Erin has written to me about job/money strugges, et cetera after her return from Oz. But I don't know... she seems happier, more content with the direction she's taken. I know this is a guess, but I have a feeling I'm right.

I miss Erin. I know she'll read this and I hope she does. She needs to know how much she rocks and how much I wish she was back in my life.

With that being said, I felt compelled to post a recent response she sent to me about this blog and especially my last posting about Irish men. Pure Erin. Pure genius. Worthy of this blog as it's own posting.

Come back to us Erin!

*************************************

"i must draw your attention to my latest obsession before you write your british invasion-- have you ever seen band of brothers? the hbo miniseries?

if not, you must borrow it from me immediately and watch it. not only it is it a fantastic story (although part 9 makes me sob-- no bawl uncontrollably every time), but the casting was top notch. may i draw your attention to eion bailey (american probably of irish descent with that name, but can't be sure) who was also in fight club and on ER for awhile. if this acting thing doesn't work out for him, i'd like him to be my gardener. except i don't have a garden in my apartment, so we'll have to find some other way for him to earn his keep. of course i will have to win the lottery first. and we all know ron livingston.

feeling urge to go watch office space.

(going back to band of brothers) quite a few of them are english guys. of course, you can't tell from watching the miniseries since they all have american accents. but go check it out on imbd. there's no pic of shane taylor who plays doc roe, but he's super hot. matthew settle. hottie. and i swear i'm so attracted to his posture. how odd is that? (ok, i guess that's not really odd for me, it's just me)maybe it was just for the role, but if it was, he should seriously consider holding himself like that all the time. unfortunately, i think most of the guys are married. puh. so typical.

the bad thing about band of brothers is these guys are all playing WWII paratroopers. it's all based on the true story and real guys of easy company. so what's the problem? the problem is they just don't make men like that anymore. brokaw dubbed these men the greatest generation. he was right.

ok, so it's not that these guys don't exist (i remember my brothers old roommate who is a NYC firefighter who was telling us about sept. 11th and he heard about the plane hitting. his father, a retired firefighter i think, said, "son, don't go down there. i have a bad feeling about this one." and he said to his dad, "if i don't go down i can never show my face and the [firehouse] again. i won't be a man."), it's just that they are harder to find. and i put brackets around firehouse because i can't remember the word he actually used.

sometimes i think i'm too much of a romantic at heart to be born gen x. and by romantic i mean i life romantic, not a love romantic. if that makes any sense.

although i think in the end now, i just want someone who will be a good dad.

oh jeezus, that's my ovaries talking again. or possibly my uterus. i'm not entirely sure. but a good dad would always risk his own life to save his child. but the test is, would his risk his life to save someone else's child? makes me think of that guy in florida years ago (think it was summer 2001-- the year of the sharks) whose nephew's arm was bitten off by a shark.
the guy went into the water, pulled the shark out by its tail, beat it, then reached inside its mouth to pull out his nephews arm. amazing.

on a side note, i'm very glad my parents bought me a subscription to readers digest. not only is it great toilet reading (lots of quick bites, but also longer pieces for your longer moments-- brilliantly designed for the pooper), but it highlights one "ordinary hero" story each month. gives me hope. i do find it interesting that most of these stories are usually about guys from a lower-income bracket. i'm sure there have to be higher-wage-earners who are stand-up fellas too. but it feels like there's a connection.

anyhoo, how ARE you guys??? i'm catching up at work. it's strange working from home and no longer being an everyday part of the hostel. i've been working long hours because i was doing both jobs for awhile, so things got WAY behind, but it's getting better. now i will have more reasonable hours (which i set myself since my office is like 25 feet from my bed). and i can finally start getting my life back!!

talk soon,
erin

p.s. spent this morning catching up with the blog and oooohing and ahhhing my heart out. and laughing of course. brilliant stuff.

p.p.s. for brit invasion... few suggestions... johnny lee miller. i swear he hasn't aged since trainspotting. seriously adorable in mindhunters (also starring eion bailey mentioned way way above). the guy from love actually who is in love with kiera knightly. love the way he wears that tutleneck sweater that not many guys could get away with. and of course jude law.

colin firth, who although a seriously bad on-screen kisser, is still seriously hot. and i can't help but love hugh grant. even though he got a blow job from a skank prositute down the street from me. i mean, what celebrity has come back from something like that with such humour (spelling in honour of those pesky pomms) and style?

and while we're on the topic of english blokes, i saw the police at dodger stadium. not the greatest concert, but not bad. was fun. except they detroyed don't stand so close to me and i don't mean in a good way. it was like sting was singing in one key and the band playing in another. it really didn't work. it was actually painful to listen too. and i LOVE that song.

ok. i'm done now. over and out"