I just got a phonecall from a guy I thought was long gone from my life. I recognized the number so I just let it go to voicemail. After listening to it I thought to myself, 'when will he quit?'. Here's the back story: we were friends, we decided to date, he fucked up(BIG TIME!) and now we no longer date. Yet, he still feels the need to call me every so often to 'hang out' (have sex, his words not mine).
Basically, when we were dating he wanted me to get more serious about our relationship. I really didn't take our relationship too seriously because we had been friends for four years prior to dating. I know about his track record with women and I didn't want to become apart of that group. Side note to all girls, you will eventually become part of that group. Moving on. After much consideration, I thought I'd take him at his word, he seemed sincere enough. So I started to look at the relationship on a deeper level. Well, that just got me calling his ass for a week and him ignoring me. I don't like to be ignored. Really, I don't. I also have a rule where calling guys is concerned. If I call you and I don't hear from you within the week (I understand you could be busy) then I will not call you again. If I don't hear from you in two weeks, well, your number is deleted. Well that two week period turned into about six months, needless to say when he sent me a text I didn't know who it was. Slick bastard has two cell numbers and he text messaged me on the number he knows I don't know by heart. Fucker. I digress. So now he wants to see me and I'm open to the idea, we were friends for a long time. We were not going to be anything other than that. Strange thing about this fool is that he thought that six months would cool my ire with him and I would be open to resuming our relationship. I wasn't mad at him anymore. In fact I didn't think about him at all. We tried( didn't try too hard) a couple of times to meet for dinner, but it didn't work out. He goes back to not calling me. I move on with my life.
Almost a year later he calls me again. He calls about four times leaving voicemails saying that he really needed to talk to me. At this point I'm curious to what he has to say, so I call him to tell him to meet me at the coffe shop by my house. We meet and he proceeds to tell me how he wants to settle things between us before he leaves the country to handle some business and for me to know that I am no longer a single woman. He wants to marry me. I'm completely blown away. I haven't seen this man in almost a year and now he wants me to marry him? Serious drug use is going on here. Well I tell him I don't want to get married, but if he does, he should. He asked me if I would be okay with it. Of course I would be okay with it why wouldn't I? Come to find out that regardless if he was married, he still wanted me to sleep with him. That's when I went off. OFF!!! He got scared and hung up the phone. I hadn't heard from him since then. . .until now.
What the hell is wrong with men? I mean really?
Mo's Perfect Approach - Stranger
So a few nights ago, a bunch of us heifers went out to celebrate one of us heifer's birthday. Accompanying us were two lovely gentlemen, one of them being our beloved Sebbie.
Seb is one of those "enlightened" lads - wicked smart, talented, funny, charming and cute (god knows WHY he's still single, but anyway), and totally the opposite of asshole or caveman as any guy could be. Like really. Don't make him tell you otherwise.
But I digress... what I'm trying to say here is that later that night, Seb brought up a really good question and "required" all us girls to answer it on the blog: "What, in your opinion, constitutes the perfect approach by a guy?" I then forced him to narrow it down to the slightly more specific "perfect approach by a stranger." I think he wanted to read all of our opinions and get a sense of our personalities, likes and dislikes and whatever. So I'll entertain him... Before I do, a disclaimer: I am a nerd and so how I like a man to approach me might be TOTALLY different and dorky compared to most girls out there. So please don't judge too harshly?
Let's see... Scenario One: The Bar
Okay, here's the deal: there is about a 15-85 chance that any guy trying to pick me up in a bar is going to succeed. The reason being that, well, it's a bar, and this environment creates an immediate handicap to any guy trying to approach me. I'm at a bar to have a good time, not to pick up men (forget that I'm attached and pretend I'm single.) I see most guys who are at a bar trying to pick up women as NOT the kind of guy I'd want to go on a first date with. The few men that are there and ARE the type I'd say "yes" to will have a harder time piquing my interest than if they were in most any other environment. Because...bar. Oh, and bars are usually loud. Not good for striking up convos. And I like conversation. But for the sake of argument, here's an ideal situation:
1) You approach me (preferably when I'm standing by the bartender about to order a drink), and say "Hi, I'm _______. I was wondering if I can buy you a drink?"
2) Provided that I have "looked and liked" (and here's the superficial, yet true reality: If you're not my type, then the buck stops here), then I will say, "Sure. I'm Maureen." And we shake hands.
3) You ask me a non-creepy question. A good one would be: "So, are you originally from Southern California?" or "What do you do?" (as cliche as that Q is, it's still pretty acceptable.) A bad one would be: "So, are you here alone?" or "So, what's a pretty girl like you doing ordering her own drinks?" (that last one was a question that was really asked of me.) Here is a moment of great delicacy, precision, and astuteness. If you are a man blessed with a talent for observation and possess great intelligence, humility, and sincerity, you are guaranteed to ask me non-creepy questions and we strike up a wonderful conversation where I ask you questions and you answer them truthfully. You are humorous but not overly so. And you... also pay attention to me.
4) If, in the most ideal and luckiest of situations things go splendidly, and I do not excuse myself "to go back to my girls" or say something along the lines of "thank you for the drink, it was great meeting you, but I have to go now" then you can ask for my number.
5) Here's how you ask for my number: "I'm sorry that I'm taking up so much of your time. I know you came with your friends and I don't want to hold you up. But I was wondering... could I call you sometime? To tell you the truth, I think you're awesome and I want to keep chatting with you."
6) You, sir, are officially a winner. Behold, a pen has appeared. It is almost guaranteed that if I like you A LOT, I will also end the conversation with: "I think you're awesome too... and YEAH, you better call me!" And yes, I will hug you or kiss you on the cheek in case you need more convincing that I'm into you.
Scenario Two: Blind Date or First Date after Internet Interaction
Now THIS is a real-life example of a successful blind date:
1) We set up a day, time, and place to meet. You will allow me to make some recommendations instead of making them right off the bat. We coordinate/schedule as needed. (e.g. "I'd love to meet you soon. What's a good day for you? Where would you like to go?")
2) We meet at the designated place. You are not late, or at most, you are 10 minutes late and if this is the case, have a good excuse and apologize.
3) We converse. (See scenario one for a relatively good guideline.) You listen more than you talk. You ask good questions. You're a little funny. You allow ME to gauge your personality and intelligence - you don't volunteer things that are blatantly "showing off."
4) At the end of the date, you walk me to my car. You say something like, "I had a really great time. I mean it. Thank you." We hug. (I will hug YOU. Don't move forward assuming that I'll accept it.) You then say something like "Can I get in touch with you sometime?" I say of course.
5) You actually, truthfully, get in touch with me. And I'm one of those girls who doesn't mind whether you call OR email me when making contact. Just don't text. Just. Don't. Oh, and calling me or emailing me 3 or more days later without a valid excuse will not automatically DQ you, but you will have ruined one night's worth of progress with me. Let's just leave it at that.
Scenario Three: Club/Concert:
Kind of difficult, but slightly better chances with me than at a bar.
1) Come up and say hi and introduce yourself during a lull in the performance/music or when I walk to the bar. Don't hover too long or stare at me or follow me to like, the bathroom, and wait for me to come out. Um, creepy.
2) Follow bar rules above, but with less talking, since we're both here to enjoy the music. Perhaps during lulls/intermissions we discuss the band/musician. That would be good. Very acceptable.
3) Ask me out using bar rules above.
Scenario Four: Coffeehouse, grocery store, or other public place
Even worse than a bar. Probably no good way to do this.
Seb is one of those "enlightened" lads - wicked smart, talented, funny, charming and cute (god knows WHY he's still single, but anyway), and totally the opposite of asshole or caveman as any guy could be. Like really. Don't make him tell you otherwise.
But I digress... what I'm trying to say here is that later that night, Seb brought up a really good question and "required" all us girls to answer it on the blog: "What, in your opinion, constitutes the perfect approach by a guy?" I then forced him to narrow it down to the slightly more specific "perfect approach by a stranger." I think he wanted to read all of our opinions and get a sense of our personalities, likes and dislikes and whatever. So I'll entertain him... Before I do, a disclaimer: I am a nerd and so how I like a man to approach me might be TOTALLY different and dorky compared to most girls out there. So please don't judge too harshly?
Let's see... Scenario One: The Bar
Okay, here's the deal: there is about a 15-85 chance that any guy trying to pick me up in a bar is going to succeed. The reason being that, well, it's a bar, and this environment creates an immediate handicap to any guy trying to approach me. I'm at a bar to have a good time, not to pick up men (forget that I'm attached and pretend I'm single.) I see most guys who are at a bar trying to pick up women as NOT the kind of guy I'd want to go on a first date with. The few men that are there and ARE the type I'd say "yes" to will have a harder time piquing my interest than if they were in most any other environment. Because...bar. Oh, and bars are usually loud. Not good for striking up convos. And I like conversation. But for the sake of argument, here's an ideal situation:
1) You approach me (preferably when I'm standing by the bartender about to order a drink), and say "Hi, I'm _______. I was wondering if I can buy you a drink?"
2) Provided that I have "looked and liked" (and here's the superficial, yet true reality: If you're not my type, then the buck stops here), then I will say, "Sure. I'm Maureen." And we shake hands.
3) You ask me a non-creepy question. A good one would be: "So, are you originally from Southern California?" or "What do you do?" (as cliche as that Q is, it's still pretty acceptable.) A bad one would be: "So, are you here alone?" or "So, what's a pretty girl like you doing ordering her own drinks?" (that last one was a question that was really asked of me.) Here is a moment of great delicacy, precision, and astuteness. If you are a man blessed with a talent for observation and possess great intelligence, humility, and sincerity, you are guaranteed to ask me non-creepy questions and we strike up a wonderful conversation where I ask you questions and you answer them truthfully. You are humorous but not overly so. And you... also pay attention to me.
4) If, in the most ideal and luckiest of situations things go splendidly, and I do not excuse myself "to go back to my girls" or say something along the lines of "thank you for the drink, it was great meeting you, but I have to go now" then you can ask for my number.
5) Here's how you ask for my number: "I'm sorry that I'm taking up so much of your time. I know you came with your friends and I don't want to hold you up. But I was wondering... could I call you sometime? To tell you the truth, I think you're awesome and I want to keep chatting with you."
6) You, sir, are officially a winner. Behold, a pen has appeared. It is almost guaranteed that if I like you A LOT, I will also end the conversation with: "I think you're awesome too... and YEAH, you better call me!" And yes, I will hug you or kiss you on the cheek in case you need more convincing that I'm into you.
Scenario Two: Blind Date or First Date after Internet Interaction
Now THIS is a real-life example of a successful blind date:
1) We set up a day, time, and place to meet. You will allow me to make some recommendations instead of making them right off the bat. We coordinate/schedule as needed. (e.g. "I'd love to meet you soon. What's a good day for you? Where would you like to go?")
2) We meet at the designated place. You are not late, or at most, you are 10 minutes late and if this is the case, have a good excuse and apologize.
3) We converse. (See scenario one for a relatively good guideline.) You listen more than you talk. You ask good questions. You're a little funny. You allow ME to gauge your personality and intelligence - you don't volunteer things that are blatantly "showing off."
4) At the end of the date, you walk me to my car. You say something like, "I had a really great time. I mean it. Thank you." We hug. (I will hug YOU. Don't move forward assuming that I'll accept it.) You then say something like "Can I get in touch with you sometime?" I say of course.
5) You actually, truthfully, get in touch with me. And I'm one of those girls who doesn't mind whether you call OR email me when making contact. Just don't text. Just. Don't. Oh, and calling me or emailing me 3 or more days later without a valid excuse will not automatically DQ you, but you will have ruined one night's worth of progress with me. Let's just leave it at that.
Scenario Three: Club/Concert:
Kind of difficult, but slightly better chances with me than at a bar.
1) Come up and say hi and introduce yourself during a lull in the performance/music or when I walk to the bar. Don't hover too long or stare at me or follow me to like, the bathroom, and wait for me to come out. Um, creepy.
2) Follow bar rules above, but with less talking, since we're both here to enjoy the music. Perhaps during lulls/intermissions we discuss the band/musician. That would be good. Very acceptable.
3) Ask me out using bar rules above.
Scenario Four: Coffeehouse, grocery store, or other public place
Even worse than a bar. Probably no good way to do this.
The Tall & Short Of It: "Tall's" Response to the Trials of the Short Man
Greetings! It's taken me a little while, but I'm finally here to address our first question.
Mo's already answered (and what a lovely job she did - P.S. I call you all "short-ass heifers" with love and affection), but just to remind you all, "so@24" asks, "Why is it that short guys are automatically dismissed (at first glance) and have to work twice as hard to complete the the average/tall fuckers?"
Being a nearly 6'0 tall amazon, admittedly the height thing is a pretty big deal for me. It's totally not for a lot of women out there and it's become less of a hang up on my end, but it's still gives me pause. Why? The reasons a shorter guy has problems dating are pretty much the same reasons a tall girl has problems - it all boils down to how the other person makes you feel.
In general, women like to feel protected and men like to feel...well, manly. It's a whole biological/evolution thing. But what people don't seem to understand is that, while appearance plays a part in that, it's mostly about what a person is projecting. For men that translates into confidence. Confidence, confidence, confidence. For example, there was a guy that I met not too long ago who was 5'6 and admitted it freely. He owned it. And that's what changed the thought in my head from, "He's cute, too bad he's so short" to "He's cute, I might consider it." Confidence, acceptance and happiness about who and what you are is the sexiest thing in the world and the surest way to up your "game".
Part of the automatic dq for shorter guys is that many tend to have a Napoleonic complex and women can tell, and we're not into it. These guys wear their overcompensation and insecurity like 7 too many splashes of strong, cheap, gross cologne. Sure, everyone has something that they feel self-conscious about, things they want to change, but the secret is not to let it get the best of you. Shed yourself of the negative baggage and you'll see an immediate change in the way women react to you - if you telegraph your issues, girls will pick up on it and you'll already be behind in the count.
I'll say it again: Confidence, confidence, confidence.
Now, am I going to date a guy who's under 5'9? Probably not, but that's because of my hang ups and is no way meant to offend. Like Mo said, it's just how I roll. I'm pretty sure I've talked about this before, but I like feeling shorter because it happens so rarely. Guys who are "much" shorter than me generally aren't interested anyhow (except for guys who have special...preferences, but that's a whole other issue). And that's okay. I know that it's just a matter of taste.
So, to sum up, my advice to all you guys out there who don't feel like you have a shot, cut it out. Seriously. All that negativity isn't helping. If you're a good guy and a catch, it's going to happen for you. Have faith in yourself and relax. I know this sounds really simple and all self-helpy, but really, it'll work. Instead of walking up to a girl and thinking you have something to prove, just walk up with the intention of getting to know her better. Stop it with all the pressure and assumptions and other bullshittery. Just be who you are and you'll find the right girl or she'll find you.
Mo's already answered (and what a lovely job she did - P.S. I call you all "short-ass heifers" with love and affection), but just to remind you all, "so@24" asks, "Why is it that short guys are automatically dismissed (at first glance) and have to work twice as hard to complete the the average/tall fuckers?"
Being a nearly 6'0 tall amazon, admittedly the height thing is a pretty big deal for me. It's totally not for a lot of women out there and it's become less of a hang up on my end, but it's still gives me pause. Why? The reasons a shorter guy has problems dating are pretty much the same reasons a tall girl has problems - it all boils down to how the other person makes you feel.
In general, women like to feel protected and men like to feel...well, manly. It's a whole biological/evolution thing. But what people don't seem to understand is that, while appearance plays a part in that, it's mostly about what a person is projecting. For men that translates into confidence. Confidence, confidence, confidence. For example, there was a guy that I met not too long ago who was 5'6 and admitted it freely. He owned it. And that's what changed the thought in my head from, "He's cute, too bad he's so short" to "He's cute, I might consider it." Confidence, acceptance and happiness about who and what you are is the sexiest thing in the world and the surest way to up your "game".
Part of the automatic dq for shorter guys is that many tend to have a Napoleonic complex and women can tell, and we're not into it. These guys wear their overcompensation and insecurity like 7 too many splashes of strong, cheap, gross cologne. Sure, everyone has something that they feel self-conscious about, things they want to change, but the secret is not to let it get the best of you. Shed yourself of the negative baggage and you'll see an immediate change in the way women react to you - if you telegraph your issues, girls will pick up on it and you'll already be behind in the count.
I'll say it again: Confidence, confidence, confidence.
Now, am I going to date a guy who's under 5'9? Probably not, but that's because of my hang ups and is no way meant to offend. Like Mo said, it's just how I roll. I'm pretty sure I've talked about this before, but I like feeling shorter because it happens so rarely. Guys who are "much" shorter than me generally aren't interested anyhow (except for guys who have special...preferences, but that's a whole other issue). And that's okay. I know that it's just a matter of taste.
So, to sum up, my advice to all you guys out there who don't feel like you have a shot, cut it out. Seriously. All that negativity isn't helping. If you're a good guy and a catch, it's going to happen for you. Have faith in yourself and relax. I know this sounds really simple and all self-helpy, but really, it'll work. Instead of walking up to a girl and thinking you have something to prove, just walk up with the intention of getting to know her better. Stop it with all the pressure and assumptions and other bullshittery. Just be who you are and you'll find the right girl or she'll find you.
How To Be A Nice Guy and Still Get Girls Like An A--hole
Hello and welcome one and all.
So I feel utterly compelled now to give some answers and advice to the boys out there reading our blog regarding a question that has come up MORE THAN ONCE with me from my single bros: "Why do girls seem to always be attracted to the a--holes and us nice guys get the bum rap?"
Here's my take on this and some advice to all the uber-nice guys out there. Before I begin, I must put out a disclaimer that this is just my own, personal opinion. I'm sure I'll get tagged as a bit controversial, and/or have my gals and guys out there calling me out or disagreeing with me, but hey, this is the SGC and anything goes right? So here we go:
#1 - WHY ARE A LOT OF GIRLS ATTRACTED TO THE "BAD BOY"?
Ok, I admit it, there's a certain sexy "danger" to a bad boy, and I'm sure a lot of girls out there are with me. But here's the thing - if we can help it, we want the bad boy image with the good boy sensibilities. We are sexual beings as much as you boys, and we're drawn to the masculin-ey manness that bad boys exude. Oh, like flies to honey. And damn, a lot of times the bad boys are sooooo gooooood... you know what I mean?
Unfortunately, by being drawn to the sexy number with the tats and the hard biceps and dark gaze, we succumb and later find out about the heroin, the hos or the hitting ... Horribly for us, a lot of "bad boys" know that they're chick magnets and cultivate it, hone it, fine tune it. In addition, they KNOW that lots of us girls can be emotionally manipulated (not all of us, mind you) as long as the sex is hot and we get JUST enough attention and romance. Sadly, a lot of girls know only this kind of guy, and that's all they know. And only because they just won't give the nice guys a chance. So here's where we go to ...
#2 - HOW CAN I ATTRACT THE GIRL WHO LOVES THE BAD BOY BUT ACHES FOR THE GOOD GUY?
Here's a (not so) eye-opening revelation: Almost all girls out there want both. Unfortunately, a good number of guys are either/or. These men are either too bad or too nice. The answer is to strike the balance. And NO, I'm not saying be more of an a-hole. God forbid. What I mean is to cultivate your "naughty" or "wicked" or oh-so-interestingly-sexy-and mysterious side while keeping your nice guy sentimentalities as strong as ever. Here's my advice on how:
Remember a somewhat popular saying that men "love their woman to be a lady in public and a tiger/tramp/whore in the bedroom?" Well most women can attest to wanting kind of the same thing with their guy. But then there's the initial draw...
If you have something - anything - about you that's interesting, sexy, tantalizing, perhaps a bit "dangerous," flaunt it a bit and use it as a foil to your nice-guy-ities. To me, NOTHING is hotter and more attractive than, say, a man with a shaved head and tats and a dark gaze, who also loves to cook, loves music, enjoys chick flicks as much as action flicks, is talented, smart, funny, sensitive, and is humble, respectful, honest and kind. Oh, and drama free - did I say drama free? But that's just my own, personal taste. I think you get the idea.
The problem with nice guys is that their niceness translates too intensely in their first impression as well as once the relationship is going. We want NICE, not milquetoast. It's difficult and frustrating to describe, but try to be forward without being overeager or annoying, be respectful but not ingratiating, be humble without be overly self-depracating, be gentlemanly without being insulting. We girls are visual creatures too, so dress well - I'm not saying you have to be all GQ about it - but we appreciate a well-chosen, clean, simple outfit. (A well-fitting t-shirt or button-down with dark rinse jeans and really cool shoes never fails, and screams enough effort while looking effortless.)
In my ideal world, NO ONE picks up ANYONE at a bar anymore, because, really.... but if you must, please refer to Tamara's post long ago on Do's & Don'ts of "Hollering At A Girl". In my ideal world, you meet people through mutual friends or at a party, you strike up a conversation, you listen more than you talk, you attempt to find mutual interests, you attempt to AT LEAST act interested. You then say "It was great meeting you, I'd love to hang out with you again sometime" and numbers are exchanged. In an ideal world... But that's another blog.
Round two: Once a relationship is established, a lot of nice guys out there exude niceness and make so much effort to be nice and "respectful" to their woman that all the hot, dirty danger, mystery, and tantalizing teasing goes out the door.
Just as you guys out there love when we girls revel every so often in our femininity - our womanly wiles, smiles and styles (oh, how we like wearing our lingerie/getting naked for you if you give us a good reason to!) We girls love all things MANLY about you. For some girls it's a sharpened wit and a protective, helpful air every so often. For others it's as blatant as cavemanish actions behind closed doors. Get to know your woman and find out what gets her going.
One big thing is... the little things. Yes we love sex, but we also love affection as well as a little bit of naughty assertiveness. You can be nice and gentlemanly, but sneak us some kisses, strokes, and squeezes every day. You just opened that jar for us? Hand it back to us with a smile, then walk behind us and... nibble us on the ear as you walk past. Tickle our foot or kneecap under the table, then smile innocently. (No, I didn't say MAKE OUT or stick your tongue in our ear in public. I draw the line on some extreme forms of PDA, thank you very much.)
When you come home from work/practice/whatever, greet us at the door with a hug and kiss. But EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, greet us with a hug and a kiss ... then take our face in your hands, kiss us full, then push us against the wall...
I think you get the drift.
Strike the balance. Nice guys, cultivate your bad guy - your safe bad guy inner self - and you'll have us melting in your hands.
Excuse me now. There's a man waiting for me to come to bed. ;)
So I feel utterly compelled now to give some answers and advice to the boys out there reading our blog regarding a question that has come up MORE THAN ONCE with me from my single bros: "Why do girls seem to always be attracted to the a--holes and us nice guys get the bum rap?"
Here's my take on this and some advice to all the uber-nice guys out there. Before I begin, I must put out a disclaimer that this is just my own, personal opinion. I'm sure I'll get tagged as a bit controversial, and/or have my gals and guys out there calling me out or disagreeing with me, but hey, this is the SGC and anything goes right? So here we go:
#1 - WHY ARE A LOT OF GIRLS ATTRACTED TO THE "BAD BOY"?
Ok, I admit it, there's a certain sexy "danger" to a bad boy, and I'm sure a lot of girls out there are with me. But here's the thing - if we can help it, we want the bad boy image with the good boy sensibilities. We are sexual beings as much as you boys, and we're drawn to the masculin-ey manness that bad boys exude. Oh, like flies to honey. And damn, a lot of times the bad boys are sooooo gooooood... you know what I mean?
Unfortunately, by being drawn to the sexy number with the tats and the hard biceps and dark gaze, we succumb and later find out about the heroin, the hos or the hitting ... Horribly for us, a lot of "bad boys" know that they're chick magnets and cultivate it, hone it, fine tune it. In addition, they KNOW that lots of us girls can be emotionally manipulated (not all of us, mind you) as long as the sex is hot and we get JUST enough attention and romance. Sadly, a lot of girls know only this kind of guy, and that's all they know. And only because they just won't give the nice guys a chance. So here's where we go to ...
#2 - HOW CAN I ATTRACT THE GIRL WHO LOVES THE BAD BOY BUT ACHES FOR THE GOOD GUY?
Here's a (not so) eye-opening revelation: Almost all girls out there want both. Unfortunately, a good number of guys are either/or. These men are either too bad or too nice. The answer is to strike the balance. And NO, I'm not saying be more of an a-hole. God forbid. What I mean is to cultivate your "naughty" or "wicked" or oh-so-interestingly-sexy-and mysterious side while keeping your nice guy sentimentalities as strong as ever. Here's my advice on how:
Remember a somewhat popular saying that men "love their woman to be a lady in public and a tiger/tramp/whore in the bedroom?" Well most women can attest to wanting kind of the same thing with their guy. But then there's the initial draw...
If you have something - anything - about you that's interesting, sexy, tantalizing, perhaps a bit "dangerous," flaunt it a bit and use it as a foil to your nice-guy-ities. To me, NOTHING is hotter and more attractive than, say, a man with a shaved head and tats and a dark gaze, who also loves to cook, loves music, enjoys chick flicks as much as action flicks, is talented, smart, funny, sensitive, and is humble, respectful, honest and kind. Oh, and drama free - did I say drama free? But that's just my own, personal taste. I think you get the idea.
The problem with nice guys is that their niceness translates too intensely in their first impression as well as once the relationship is going. We want NICE, not milquetoast. It's difficult and frustrating to describe, but try to be forward without being overeager or annoying, be respectful but not ingratiating, be humble without be overly self-depracating, be gentlemanly without being insulting. We girls are visual creatures too, so dress well - I'm not saying you have to be all GQ about it - but we appreciate a well-chosen, clean, simple outfit. (A well-fitting t-shirt or button-down with dark rinse jeans and really cool shoes never fails, and screams enough effort while looking effortless.)
In my ideal world, NO ONE picks up ANYONE at a bar anymore, because, really.... but if you must, please refer to Tamara's post long ago on Do's & Don'ts of "Hollering At A Girl". In my ideal world, you meet people through mutual friends or at a party, you strike up a conversation, you listen more than you talk, you attempt to find mutual interests, you attempt to AT LEAST act interested. You then say "It was great meeting you, I'd love to hang out with you again sometime" and numbers are exchanged. In an ideal world... But that's another blog.
Round two: Once a relationship is established, a lot of nice guys out there exude niceness and make so much effort to be nice and "respectful" to their woman that all the hot, dirty danger, mystery, and tantalizing teasing goes out the door.
Just as you guys out there love when we girls revel every so often in our femininity - our womanly wiles, smiles and styles (oh, how we like wearing our lingerie/getting naked for you if you give us a good reason to!) We girls love all things MANLY about you. For some girls it's a sharpened wit and a protective, helpful air every so often. For others it's as blatant as cavemanish actions behind closed doors. Get to know your woman and find out what gets her going.
One big thing is... the little things. Yes we love sex, but we also love affection as well as a little bit of naughty assertiveness. You can be nice and gentlemanly, but sneak us some kisses, strokes, and squeezes every day. You just opened that jar for us? Hand it back to us with a smile, then walk behind us and... nibble us on the ear as you walk past. Tickle our foot or kneecap under the table, then smile innocently. (No, I didn't say MAKE OUT or stick your tongue in our ear in public. I draw the line on some extreme forms of PDA, thank you very much.)
When you come home from work/practice/whatever, greet us at the door with a hug and kiss. But EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, greet us with a hug and a kiss ... then take our face in your hands, kiss us full, then push us against the wall...
I think you get the drift.
Strike the balance. Nice guys, cultivate your bad guy - your safe bad guy inner self - and you'll have us melting in your hands.
Excuse me now. There's a man waiting for me to come to bed. ;)
The Tall & Short Of It: The "Short's" Response About Short Men's Woes
It's been a long time since I've posted something on The Single Girl's Club and let me just say that it's good to be back at the keyboard and it NOT be work related!
For those of you relatively new to the SGC and do not know me, I am the lone attached girl on this blog and have been attached for the past 2 1/2 years. Therefore, you can call me the "honorary" single girl, a title that I hold with a bit of pride. I'm also the oldest poster on this site at 31 (for now.) So let's just say I have quite a bit of -ahem- experience with the opposite sex (in all sorts of "situations": dating, friendships, "friendships" and otherwise - my longest relationship was 7 1/2 years.)
I received our first question posted to T's welcome to our column from a lovely lad who calls himself "so@24". Here's his question:
"why is it that short guys are automatically dismissed (at first glance) and have to work twice as hard to complete the the average/tall fuckers?"
Ok, first of all, let me tell you that I feel a little hypocritical when I first started answering this question. At 5'2", the shortest guy I've dated was 5'9" and the tallest was 6'4". I know. And yes, I HAVE been heard saying that I find it difficult to date a guy who is under 5'8". Here's my PERSONAL reason why: It's just a preference. When I first started dating in junior high, most of the guys I was attracted to were tall. That ended up not changing. But removed from my personal experience, here's my attempt at an explanation:
Society, unfortunately, seems to view tall men as having more power, more intelligence, being better providers, etc. etc. etc. I can go back historically and anthropologically about why this is so and go into great detail about size equaling strength, health, better hunting prowess and therefore "providing" prowess, yadda yadda yadda, and therefore it's social and biological manifestations in modern day times. I can also talk at a bit of length about some short men and their "Napoleon complexes" and how I feel some short men tend to "overcompensate" to their detriment. But then I could write a whole thesis about this topic, so I'll stop there.
Do I believe in all this, yes and no. Yes, I can sort of understand where the "mystique" of tall men comes from through attempts to explain it both historically and scientifically. But NO, I do not succumb to it. I mean, for one thing, we've gone way beyond our cavemen ancestors and many "biological" things about us are now a moot point. And sociological explanations? PAH! Educated opinions, but opinions nonetheless.
I know, I know, but I date tall men. It has nothing to do with discrimination and everything to do with preference. I mean, do people give beef to others who prefer redheads, or bald heads or people with a sixth toe? Not really (Ok, the sixth toe one's a bit of stretch.)
So here's the thing: Beyond all the explanations, you've got to take what you've got and sell it. I'm not saying become a napoleon - by all means, please don't. Try not to be one of those guys and just try to a nice guy. Don't overcompensate, don't try to work "harder" and think of it this way: All those girls who dismiss you right off the bat because of your height... most of them will probably not change their minds about you no matter HOW much they get to know you. It's like a brunette trying to get a guy who's solidly into blondes and only blondes to change his mind. It's more trouble than it's worth.
Instead, be a good guy. Be a good person. Be humble. Be considerate and a bit charming. And focus on the girls out there who DO like men under 5'6". Trust me, there many out there. (Including a lot of tall girls!) In fact, I know a few girls out there who like short guys (ummm... maybe if you're good I'll give you their numbers. LOL.) And you never know... maybe... just maybe... you're turning your attentions to the wrong girls and missing that cute one in the corner who's trying to avoid your gaze? ;)
Anyway, as a short Filipino girl, I get a bit of discrimination too - yes, yes, I can hear you saying that short asian girls get it "easier" - but trust me, I've gotten ignored by my fair share of guys who like 'em tall and like 'em white. LOL
At the very least, let me direct you to a few recent MSN and Slate articles which discuss this very issue, and interestingly too. If you can't take my word for it, maybe other opinions will help?
Tall Men and Money
Dating Tall Women
Dating When You're A Short Guy
Good luck and my blessings. The right one's out there.
I now pass the floor to T - I'm sure she has some astute things to say about the matter, AND she probably has similar issues due to the fact that she's a "tall girl amongst short-ass heifers." (her words, not mine.)
For those of you relatively new to the SGC and do not know me, I am the lone attached girl on this blog and have been attached for the past 2 1/2 years. Therefore, you can call me the "honorary" single girl, a title that I hold with a bit of pride. I'm also the oldest poster on this site at 31 (for now.) So let's just say I have quite a bit of -ahem- experience with the opposite sex (in all sorts of "situations": dating, friendships, "friendships" and otherwise - my longest relationship was 7 1/2 years.)
I received our first question posted to T's welcome to our column from a lovely lad who calls himself "so@24". Here's his question:
"why is it that short guys are automatically dismissed (at first glance) and have to work twice as hard to complete the the average/tall fuckers?"
Ok, first of all, let me tell you that I feel a little hypocritical when I first started answering this question. At 5'2", the shortest guy I've dated was 5'9" and the tallest was 6'4". I know. And yes, I HAVE been heard saying that I find it difficult to date a guy who is under 5'8". Here's my PERSONAL reason why: It's just a preference. When I first started dating in junior high, most of the guys I was attracted to were tall. That ended up not changing. But removed from my personal experience, here's my attempt at an explanation:
Society, unfortunately, seems to view tall men as having more power, more intelligence, being better providers, etc. etc. etc. I can go back historically and anthropologically about why this is so and go into great detail about size equaling strength, health, better hunting prowess and therefore "providing" prowess, yadda yadda yadda, and therefore it's social and biological manifestations in modern day times. I can also talk at a bit of length about some short men and their "Napoleon complexes" and how I feel some short men tend to "overcompensate" to their detriment. But then I could write a whole thesis about this topic, so I'll stop there.
Do I believe in all this, yes and no. Yes, I can sort of understand where the "mystique" of tall men comes from through attempts to explain it both historically and scientifically. But NO, I do not succumb to it. I mean, for one thing, we've gone way beyond our cavemen ancestors and many "biological" things about us are now a moot point. And sociological explanations? PAH! Educated opinions, but opinions nonetheless.
I know, I know, but I date tall men. It has nothing to do with discrimination and everything to do with preference. I mean, do people give beef to others who prefer redheads, or bald heads or people with a sixth toe? Not really (Ok, the sixth toe one's a bit of stretch.)
So here's the thing: Beyond all the explanations, you've got to take what you've got and sell it. I'm not saying become a napoleon - by all means, please don't. Try not to be one of those guys and just try to a nice guy. Don't overcompensate, don't try to work "harder" and think of it this way: All those girls who dismiss you right off the bat because of your height... most of them will probably not change their minds about you no matter HOW much they get to know you. It's like a brunette trying to get a guy who's solidly into blondes and only blondes to change his mind. It's more trouble than it's worth.
Instead, be a good guy. Be a good person. Be humble. Be considerate and a bit charming. And focus on the girls out there who DO like men under 5'6". Trust me, there many out there. (Including a lot of tall girls!) In fact, I know a few girls out there who like short guys (ummm... maybe if you're good I'll give you their numbers. LOL.) And you never know... maybe... just maybe... you're turning your attentions to the wrong girls and missing that cute one in the corner who's trying to avoid your gaze? ;)
Anyway, as a short Filipino girl, I get a bit of discrimination too - yes, yes, I can hear you saying that short asian girls get it "easier" - but trust me, I've gotten ignored by my fair share of guys who like 'em tall and like 'em white. LOL
At the very least, let me direct you to a few recent MSN and Slate articles which discuss this very issue, and interestingly too. If you can't take my word for it, maybe other opinions will help?
Tall Men and Money
Dating Tall Women
Dating When You're A Short Guy
Good luck and my blessings. The right one's out there.
I now pass the floor to T - I'm sure she has some astute things to say about the matter, AND she probably has similar issues due to the fact that she's a "tall girl amongst short-ass heifers." (her words, not mine.)
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