Hi All - I know its been a while, but it seems that all us SGCs are stupid, crazy busy. I've been dealing with some things, which I'll write about later. I just need to get through it and I'll be able to write about it. No, its not the boy. Although we aren't seeing each other any more. That's another story I'll tell. It was his idea and the reason why makes me more irritated at males than angry. It defies logic. All I have to say is, never give a guy what he wants, apparently it isn't what he wants. I'll let that marinate for a while.
Nik
Dating FAQs
People at my job speak in acronyms. Its like a foreign language to me. I know its to speed up conversations, save room on documents, but can't a girl get a little depth? (i just had the dirtiest thought, hee hee) Although I can live without TLAs (three letter acronyms) FAQ(frequently asked questions) is one I rather like. So it got me to thinking about FAQs in the dating world.
If there were FAQs people wouldn't have to spend time drinking and commiserating(one must drink when commiserating) with their friends about what it meant when he said they were seeing each other as opposed to dating. Or what does it mean to take things to another level. I know what you all are thinking, what happened to The Guy? Nothing happened. I just thought FAQs in the dating world would be a fun blog post.
I realize I'm not like most girls. I don't think any of us are like the average girl, especially the ladies who read SGC. However, I do think we are lumped along with the fictional average girl. And I think it's time to separate ourselves from the pack, so to speak, and draw a line between the average and the exceptional. What would your FAQ say? Here is mine:
Nik
If there were FAQs people wouldn't have to spend time drinking and commiserating(one must drink when commiserating) with their friends about what it meant when he said they were seeing each other as opposed to dating. Or what does it mean to take things to another level. I know what you all are thinking, what happened to The Guy? Nothing happened. I just thought FAQs in the dating world would be a fun blog post.
I realize I'm not like most girls. I don't think any of us are like the average girl, especially the ladies who read SGC. However, I do think we are lumped along with the fictional average girl. And I think it's time to separate ourselves from the pack, so to speak, and draw a line between the average and the exceptional. What would your FAQ say? Here is mine:
- Can we just hang out? Hmm, I'm going to take that as you're just into sport fucking (got the term from this chick at work. I like it better than FWB). Alright, I can hang with that, but know it will be on my terms and my terms only. Also, I won't be sport fucking you for long, 'cuz I am a lady.
- Are you in love with me? If you have to ask, then sadly I am not.
- Would you have a problem with me getting married, but still having sex with you on the side? Oh, that's a good one. Let me think about that for a minute...still thinking. Really, I can't even think of a better answer to your question than...NO!!!!
- Since you don't want a commitment, why don't we sport fuck for the rest of our lives together? Wait, if I agree to that, wouldn't that be sort of like a commitment? There's your sign!
- I've never been with a black girl before, would you be my first? Sure, because I have nothing better to do than fulfill someones fantasies. Asshole.
- So when you say you really like me, you really mean it? Um, yes. Especially if I let you put my legs over my head. Holla!!!
- Did you fake it? Darlin' what's the point of faking it? I'm with you because I've already figured out I wouldn't have to fake it with you.
- Would you let me...? I'm up for just about anything if you ask nicely, but I get veto power.
Nik
The 'Girl' Thing
Lately, I've been dressing up for work. By dress up, I mean just that, wearing skirts and dresses. I find when I wear skirts and dresses I'm more feminine and more accepting of help from men. Things like holding the door for me when I don't ask, carrying something semi-heavy, driving. It's like something in my mind clicks on and I'm totally accepting of the fact that I'm a woman,gentle and feminine, and I should be treated as such. That's not to say that I don't feel that way when i wear slacks or jeans, but I do notice a difference with guys. If I'm wearing a cute top, heels and a pair of jeans, I've got to carry my own damn box. But the skirts and dresses seem to bring out the man in the opposite sex. I also notice that it doesn't bother me as much when a guy does something for me that I can do myself. My excuse is that I'm wearing a skirt, I'm not walking that far, lifting that heavy thing, or sitting on the floor. I don't feel like voicing my concern about it diminishes my capabilities in any way. Just a thought I had when I was wearing my cute skirt and cute heels, while I had guy after guy opening doors for me today. ;)
The Talk That Never Was
I didn't have the "Talk" with the NB (I'm going to have to call him something else as he's not all that new or a boy). I realized I'm not ready for it. Also, I let myself (for a brief second) become like other girls. Asking questions like, where is this going? What do we mean to each other? This is not me, but for a second, it seemed awkward that I didn't over-analyze my relationship with this guy. Luckily before I talked to him, I had a little talk with myself. Something I usually do, but decided to go against nature this time.
Men I take on a case by case basis. I do not lump them all together and classify them as all the same. It's so easy to do. Oh so easy. However, most guys I will give the benefit of the doubt. There are no doubts about the NB, its the benefit of having known him for several months before we started seeing each other. So when I sat down and asked myself where I wanted our relationship to go, I realized I didn't know. I wasn't sure. What I was sure of was that I liked spending time with him. I liked getting to know him. Other than that...I didn't know. I didn't know because of where we are in our lives. I don't know where I want to be next year. Also, I have some serious family issues I'm dealing with that requires me to be more cautious when fully letting someone into my life. Some of my friends think I use it as a cop-out, but I say, "unless you've walked a mile in my shoes...". And that's not to say he couldn't handle it, but why ask him to when I'm unsure?
End result is that I'm going to let it be. I won't force it and enjoy our relationship for what it is right now. I'll let things happen organically. I'm not in a rush and something tells me neither is he.
Men I take on a case by case basis. I do not lump them all together and classify them as all the same. It's so easy to do. Oh so easy. However, most guys I will give the benefit of the doubt. There are no doubts about the NB, its the benefit of having known him for several months before we started seeing each other. So when I sat down and asked myself where I wanted our relationship to go, I realized I didn't know. I wasn't sure. What I was sure of was that I liked spending time with him. I liked getting to know him. Other than that...I didn't know. I didn't know because of where we are in our lives. I don't know where I want to be next year. Also, I have some serious family issues I'm dealing with that requires me to be more cautious when fully letting someone into my life. Some of my friends think I use it as a cop-out, but I say, "unless you've walked a mile in my shoes...". And that's not to say he couldn't handle it, but why ask him to when I'm unsure?
End result is that I'm going to let it be. I won't force it and enjoy our relationship for what it is right now. I'll let things happen organically. I'm not in a rush and something tells me neither is he.
The other man(men) in my life
I've talked too much about the Guy. Now it's time to talk about the other men in my life, the guys I work with. After the debacle at my previous job, my current job is like a breath of fresh air. Instead of there being a bunch of women, now I'm around a bunch of dudes. In college all of my friends were guys, with the exception of my three girls, but they didn't go to my college so it doesn't count. Then the guys in my life scattered to all corners of the earth, literally, and then came the herd of heifers (i say this lovingly). There is something to be said about being in a guy concentrated environment.
The thing about hanging out with guys that I like is that I get to be a loose. Looser than I usually am. ;) With guys there is no pretense. Women have a tendency to sugar coat and present issues with ulterior motives. Guys just tell it like it is. I also respect the lack of endless analyzing that us women are prone to do. I usually go to my guy friends when I want to hear the brutal truth and to my girl friends when I want to hear the truth, but sugar coated.
The Dept scheduled a fishing trip, most of the guys are pretty active and like to do the typical guy stuff. Now for all who know me, fishing is NOT a thing Nik does. However, I'm usually game for documenting shenanigans and trying (almost) anything once. So I got up at 4 am to drive down to the beach so we can set sail by 6. Well, we had to wait for most of our group to get there and didn't set sail until about 6:30am. And they say women are always late. The guys start drinking immediately. I'm thinking, not a good thing to do on a rocky boat, but oh the pictures I will take! There is a galley on the boat and we all start ordering food, and sit down by the cook (it was a small galley) to play poker. After awhile, I started getting sick. The galley didn't have any ventilation, so it got stuffy quick, plus the smell of frying meat. Not a good feeling. I go out on deck and half of the guys are draped over the side of the boat throwing up. Let me tell you that for weeks before the trip, the guys were teasing me about being such a girlie girl and I wouldn't catch any fish and I'd get sick. Yeah, well I was the only one who didn't throw up. After about 4 hours one guys was so bad we needed to turn around and go back to shore. When we got to shore, 8 other guys decided they'd had enough and needed to go home to bed. The rest of us went back out for several more hours and I had a great time. I caught about 4 fish, but could only keep two. The other guys didn't catch a thing. HA HA HA!!! Silly boys.
One of the best things about hanging out with guys is beating them at their own game. I teased them for a solid week after that. Never under estimate the power of a woman! HOLLA!
Nik
The thing about hanging out with guys that I like is that I get to be a loose. Looser than I usually am. ;) With guys there is no pretense. Women have a tendency to sugar coat and present issues with ulterior motives. Guys just tell it like it is. I also respect the lack of endless analyzing that us women are prone to do. I usually go to my guy friends when I want to hear the brutal truth and to my girl friends when I want to hear the truth, but sugar coated.
The Dept scheduled a fishing trip, most of the guys are pretty active and like to do the typical guy stuff. Now for all who know me, fishing is NOT a thing Nik does. However, I'm usually game for documenting shenanigans and trying (almost) anything once. So I got up at 4 am to drive down to the beach so we can set sail by 6. Well, we had to wait for most of our group to get there and didn't set sail until about 6:30am. And they say women are always late. The guys start drinking immediately. I'm thinking, not a good thing to do on a rocky boat, but oh the pictures I will take! There is a galley on the boat and we all start ordering food, and sit down by the cook (it was a small galley) to play poker. After awhile, I started getting sick. The galley didn't have any ventilation, so it got stuffy quick, plus the smell of frying meat. Not a good feeling. I go out on deck and half of the guys are draped over the side of the boat throwing up. Let me tell you that for weeks before the trip, the guys were teasing me about being such a girlie girl and I wouldn't catch any fish and I'd get sick. Yeah, well I was the only one who didn't throw up. After about 4 hours one guys was so bad we needed to turn around and go back to shore. When we got to shore, 8 other guys decided they'd had enough and needed to go home to bed. The rest of us went back out for several more hours and I had a great time. I caught about 4 fish, but could only keep two. The other guys didn't catch a thing. HA HA HA!!! Silly boys.
One of the best things about hanging out with guys is beating them at their own game. I teased them for a solid week after that. Never under estimate the power of a woman! HOLLA!
Nik
Sometimes, I wish was someone different
I have this problem. It's really bad. I've had it all my conscious life and I just can't shake it. My problem is...I can't lie to myself. I'm sure all of us has a friend who sees things in life a certain way that has you thinking,"is she for real? how did she come to that conclusion?". Sometimes, I want to be that person. I want to be able to lie to myself and love it. Then I won't have to make difficult decisions or own up to my actions. It seems like it would be great! Unfortunately, since I don't lie to myself, I know it isn't for me. Ugh!! Sometimes, I get on my own nerves!!
A few posts ago I said that I hate having 'the talk'. Well now the fact that it hasn't come up is bugging the hell out of me. Yet, when I go over what I want to get out of it, I realize I don't know. I seriously do not what I want from having this talk. After most talks a relationship is defined, expectations are put on the table. Ugh, expectations. Expectations require commitment. I'm not ready to be committed. I'm not saying I can't be. I just haven't met that person I wanted to be committed to. And this is where my relationships start to fall. I don't think dating someone for 4-5 months is a long time. I'm a slow started and I don't feel like I've gotten to know a person long enough to be committed to them. Unfortunately, past relationships have shown me that most guys do think that is enough time to take the relationship to another level or just drop it all together. So now I'm faced with this person I'd like to keep around longer than 4 months, thus the talk. Wish me luck.
A few posts ago I said that I hate having 'the talk'. Well now the fact that it hasn't come up is bugging the hell out of me. Yet, when I go over what I want to get out of it, I realize I don't know. I seriously do not what I want from having this talk. After most talks a relationship is defined, expectations are put on the table. Ugh, expectations. Expectations require commitment. I'm not ready to be committed. I'm not saying I can't be. I just haven't met that person I wanted to be committed to. And this is where my relationships start to fall. I don't think dating someone for 4-5 months is a long time. I'm a slow started and I don't feel like I've gotten to know a person long enough to be committed to them. Unfortunately, past relationships have shown me that most guys do think that is enough time to take the relationship to another level or just drop it all together. So now I'm faced with this person I'd like to keep around longer than 4 months, thus the talk. Wish me luck.
I just don't get it
I celebrated my birthday this past weekend. Good times were had by all. At least that's what the pictures indicate. As I looked through the pictures with my mother(well the ones that were mommy proofed) she kept saying, "what beautiful girls. why are they single again?" I know most of us would react to that question with, "because they want to be", but that's not the case. With the exception of two friends, one who is already in a relationship and another who says she want to focus on her career, my friends want to be in a relationship.
We went to dinner and dancing for my birthday. During the dancing, not one guy expressed an interest in any of the girls, if they did, I didn't see it. Granted, the girls could have gone up to any guy they had an interest in, but let's face it, it's rare for that to happen. So it falls to the guy to make that first move. None did, and my friends are hot. Not she's cute, but she has a great personality. Hot, WITH a great personality. What more could a man ask for, a golden snatch?
I'm reading this book about how men have been devalued and are basically becoming obsolete in society. As women advance, men become stagnate. Sadly, radical feminists(or the misguided feminist) have been so focused on women getting ahead, there wasn't much consideration to who they would relate to when they reached "the promised land." I'm inclined to agree with certain arguments in the book, but when I witness things like last Saturday night, I think, WTF? Unfortunately, we now have guys who say its so hard on them, that they hate rejection and women should shoulder half the responsibility of getting together. So basically women are now supposed to go out bring home the bacon, cook it, birth the babies, take care of them AND see a man, approach him, convince him she's the one for him, THEN take care of his ass too? it's no wonder they are becoming obsolete, they are mitigating their purpose and importance. well, besides the obvious purpose and even then, science is moving so rapidly that we won't need them for that anymore.
This makes me sad. Would I give up the advancement of females just to have more males be men? No. Why should I? How about they man up to the new generation of woman? I mean really.
We went to dinner and dancing for my birthday. During the dancing, not one guy expressed an interest in any of the girls, if they did, I didn't see it. Granted, the girls could have gone up to any guy they had an interest in, but let's face it, it's rare for that to happen. So it falls to the guy to make that first move. None did, and my friends are hot. Not she's cute, but she has a great personality. Hot, WITH a great personality. What more could a man ask for, a golden snatch?
I'm reading this book about how men have been devalued and are basically becoming obsolete in society. As women advance, men become stagnate. Sadly, radical feminists(or the misguided feminist) have been so focused on women getting ahead, there wasn't much consideration to who they would relate to when they reached "the promised land." I'm inclined to agree with certain arguments in the book, but when I witness things like last Saturday night, I think, WTF? Unfortunately, we now have guys who say its so hard on them, that they hate rejection and women should shoulder half the responsibility of getting together. So basically women are now supposed to go out bring home the bacon, cook it, birth the babies, take care of them AND see a man, approach him, convince him she's the one for him, THEN take care of his ass too? it's no wonder they are becoming obsolete, they are mitigating their purpose and importance. well, besides the obvious purpose and even then, science is moving so rapidly that we won't need them for that anymore.
This makes me sad. Would I give up the advancement of females just to have more males be men? No. Why should I? How about they man up to the new generation of woman? I mean really.
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