Huzzah For Lesbian Crushes

So I've decided that if I was totally gay (or a straight man), I would be madly in love with Nigella Lawson.

Because she rocks.

And yes, I love her.

There are several reasons why she is deserving of my girl-crush proclamations:

1) She's really the only woman chef-host on Food Network with no annoying qualities whatsoever.

Take for example top exhibits A and B, aka Rachael Ray and Sandra Lee. These two heifers are the epitomy of annoyingness for me - Rachael for her fake-seeming peppiness, retarded laugh, lame made-up words (E.V.O.O. and Yum-O. WTF.) and for the fact that she's heir to the Martha Stewart throne IMHO; and Sandra Lee because she's a skinny flavorless bitch who promotes half-assed-ness ("Semi Homemade" = lazy.)

2) She's got a hot British accent.

And you know me and accents... especially from the UK/Ireland... yes, even women with accents are pretty hot in my book.

3) Her cooking rocks.

This is coming from Ms. Foodie herself, who goes into death throes over a fine Zinfandel and is willing to spend $250 on a chef's tasting menu at the French Laundry.

Trust me. Her cooking and food philosophies are so right on.

4) She's not afraid to eat with gusto (and mess) in front of the camera.

The way she plows into a lamb chop.... It's.... That's just hot.

5) She talks to the camera (i.e. YOU) in closeup and in hushed, secretive tones.

It's like you're in some private one-on-one cooking tutorial with you and she's divulging something that could get you and her killed.

6) She's drop dead gorgeous.

Black shoulder-length hair, creamy skin, dark eyes, and curves for miles. (BOOM! BAMM!!) If you're a straight woman and you can't at least APPRECIATE that she's attractive, then get out of my face.