My account was hacked

Hi,  

If you got some weird email from me with no subject line and some obscure link, please do not click on it.  My account was hacked this morning.  I fixed the problem so you shouldn't get anymore weird emails from me. Well, you may, but they will be intentional. :-)

--

Best always,

 

Nik

_______________________

nikkiawilliams@gmail.com

909.214.9500

A Moment of Bitchy Indulgence Thanks to Facebook

I was doing a little late-night Facebook stalking of the guy I used to date. Guess what I came across?! His new chica. I was a little taken aback. You really never want to be confronted with a person you've been with having moved on, but it is inevitable. I saw a girl post something really cheery on his wall. My first thought was that her comment seemed "young". Then I looked at her profile pic, it was of the two of them. There wasn't any kissing or hugging or anything, but what person uses a pic of them and another guy(or girl) if they aren't into them? Exactly. Good for him.

I considered inviting him to my birthday shenanigans. I thought I was being petty inviting all of our mutual friends and not him. Something told me to look at his page before I sent the invite. I'm glad I did...

Its best this way. I start a new year next week and I don't need to bring in left overs from the last.

Nik

Just One of those Days

Ugh! This day started off with me waking up super early and it was down hill from there. It is very rare that I feel like Scrooge, but today just took the cake. I was(am) in Supreme Restless Bitch mode. I'm feeling stuck and I don't know why. I could sit and analysis my behavior, but I just don't give a fuck. So instead I'm going to unload a few of my pet peeves.

1. Why do people say, "I hate to bother you" or "I'm sorry to bother you" ? If they were sorry or hated to do it, then they wouldn't. It's just a ploy to mollify(I think I used the word correctly) me while I give you what you want. It is so transparent. Stop beating around the bush and ask me for what you want.

2. Why do we(young people) have to sit and over analyze everything nuance of an encounter with the object of our affect instead of doing what's necessary to make things that you want to happen? We're supposed to be fearless, but it seems that we all suffer from a bad case of bitchassness. I'm guilty of this too. So I declare that moving forward, I will drop my bitchassness and start to be the bad ass bitch I know I can be. Who's with me?

3. Why doe we do things that we don't want to just to appease another? Be it friend, loved one or lover? This is the time of out lives to be selfish, within reason of course. Let's live it up and if the appeasement isn't utilitarian-fuck it.

4. Why is it so easy for our friends to have the answer to our problems, but we don't see it? Thus we spend hours crying into our drinks while they try to make us see what they see so clearly. Lesson is to know thyself.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I feel so much better.

Yay for blogging by email!!!


Nik

Ready to go

Today, I leave for my friend's wedding. At first I was nervous about seeing the Pineapple and hoping he didn't show up all happy with a hot girlfriend. Something in the way he sounded the last time we spoke seemed like there isn't a hot girlfriend lurking in the midst. You never know...

Now I'm nervous because my friend asked me to read a poem at his wedding. I know why he asked, I used to compete in Poetry Interpretation in college. So he's used to hearing me perform a piece. That was for a little plastic trophy, performing this poem is a little different. So I'm going to be nervous until just before I read it and then rock the hell out of it. I seriously do not want to be responsible for fricking up someone's wedding, not even causing a wrinkle in the flow of the plans. Wish me luck...

Success!

I want to blog more, but I'm usually on my work computer. That's a BIG NO NO at my job. They monitor everything and the scans are random. Anyway, by the time I get home, I am not in the mood to blog. Plus, all of my brilliant thought occur during the day when I'm not at my personal PC. Now that I've discovered this feature, I can write more.

Be forewarned, they may be crazy rants about work, but I'll try to keep it interesting.

I'm so excited I can do this!!! :)

Nik

Uncharted Territory

Trying to figure out how to blog from my phone.
Nik

The Untouchables.

I started taking Pilates several weeks ago and my instructor is soooo good looking, I don't know what to do!! I get so stupid around. It's embarassing!! Seriously, it's bad. He has dark hair and eyes, a chiseled jawline(think Clark Kent/Superman chiseled jaw) and THE perfect body. His body is well proportioned, nothing out of place. It's really not fair. Not fair at all. And to top it all off...he has the nerve to be super nice. I'm sure he's gay, because he's too good to be true and therefore out of my reach.

When he signed me up for sessions, of course I recognized that he was cute, but I really didn't think anything of it. I didn't think he's be my trainer for the sessions. Turns out he is and he puts me in the most embarassingly awkward postions and when I tell him the position is awkward, he laughs, smacks my thigh and tells me, "harder". Well!! I only take that type of instruction if there is an orgasm (multiple please) at the end of it. See what he does to me?

In addition to the hottie instructor, there is the hottie guy at work. I think he's adorable too, but because we work together nothing will happen. But, it's so much fun to flirt with him!!


Why are there so many untouchable guys around? I one I can...

The Great Craigslist Experiment of 2009

Well howdy strangers! Yes, I know it's been awhile but things have been...chaotic for me. Since I've been stricken with a little insomnia, I thought I'd take a moment to update you on what is sure to be a grand adventure.

I've decided to start going out on more dates, for better or for worse. Since the normal means of meeting people hasn't worked and I'm cheap/poor, I thought I'd give putting a craigslist ad up a go. I mean, it's not like I have to answer anybody - they'd just dismiss me as being a bot if they get the silent treatment.

So I put the ad up about a week after New Year's. There was a nice chunk of responses varying from the sweet and sincere to the entirely too vague to the "ew, no" (those immediately got deleted - I specifically said "no creepy guys"). And only one sent a picture of his junk because he wanted to make sure I'd be willing to look past it and get to know him for him, not use him for what he claims is a sizable unit. 1) If you don't tell me you have a big little friend, I wouldn't know therefore you wouldn't have to worry about that; 2) Seriously? Does that work for you, dude? Is that an effective way to pick up chicks?; 3) Junk portraits get automatic disqualification status.

At any rate, I'm trying to be more open so, to be fair, I decided to go out with some guys even though I don't necessarily feel drawn to them. With that in mind, I've gone out on five dates - nothing big, just coffee because it's a neutral site and no pressure there. Two I didn't really feel anything for at all; one is nice to talk to but I think a little too old and hopefully he won't try to kiss me when we hang out again; one who things seemed to be going well with but then he dropped off the face of the earth; and one who I've gone out with twice now - once for coffee (though neither of us drink it) and once for a walk in the park. I like talking with Park Guy and he's very gentlemanly but I'm not feeling that spark, you know? It could be because I keep thinking how I have to upgrade him - he needs a better hair cut and his clothes don't fit him well enough (though that could be because I keep catching him on his way back from work and he has to move around a lot). Yes, I'm a bit shallow. Who isn't?

I'm trying to set up a couple more coffee get-togethers this week. One guy is a little suspicious in that I can't tell if he's a wigger or just kidding in the picture he sent and I'm afraid to ask. He's special. There's also an Italian guy, a French guy I'm not sure I should respond to (for no reason other than he's not in the country yet), a Scotsman (who cute enough but I'm counting on there being an accent to help up the quotient), a mixed dude, and two others that may be looming in the picture.

Busy busy busy. I'll keep you updated if you're interested...lol

Boys! I'm surrounded by boys!

My sister and I went to each other's Holiday Parties this past weekend. I work for a software company and my sister a law firm. Her party was so much more fun than mine. If it wasn't for my Sales guys, I think I might have fallen asleep in my salad. There are no hip people at my company. None. The venue was beautiful, but the atmosphere was frigid and people were trying to act like it was the best place ever. Next year if I'm there, I'm joining the planning committee, cause no. That can never happen again.

With that said, let's get onto Guy #1: He is one of the guys on my floor. One of those athletic, guy's guy. He doesn't take himself too seriously. He knows how to work hard and play hard. He's just yummy. He's totally not my style. He's good-looking, nice body, but just not my style. However, there is this tension I'm feeling when we're together. I've seen him give me the once over more than once. ;) Two problems though, he's 4 years younger than I and we work together. Two big no-no's. So I just enjoy the what-if of him.

Guy#2: I met him at my sister's Holiday Party. The one that was at a cool lounge in downtown LA, with an open PREMIUM SPIRITS bar. 500 people strolling through the place but it doesn't seem crowded. Great music, great food, great atmosphere. Toward the end of the night I'm sitting by myself waiting for my sister to say goodbye to all 500 of them, that girl is networker to her heart. This guy happens to sit next to me. At first he was talking to some people and I don't pay him any mind. Then the people disappeared and he and I start talking. He seemed cute. There was an easy flow of conversation. He was a little lit though, so maybe he was funny because of the liquor. He has a kind of Kal Penn vibe about him. That was cool, but again, not really my type. However, I did give him my phone number. I know I know. Why? Well, because I usually very picky. Not about looks or what the person does (lawyer who is starting his own practice), but just about the feeling I get when I'm around the person. If the vibe is right, I'll take it a step further and give them my number. Besides, I never think a guy is going to call, so it didn't matter to me. Well, he did call. He was sober so the conversation had some ackward pauses. We left off with trying to figure out a time to meet up. He said he was going to be out of town this week and I'm busy the next week (he didn't like that too much), so we'll see.

I'm done with the madness of the past few months, so I'll be writing more often. Also, I have to catch up with all of your blogs. I try to at least keep up with So@, but that little bugger has been busy!

Happy Holidays!!

P.S. Check out Val's Blog, she's traveling South East Asia.
http://valsgreatadventure.blogspot.com/

Not Dead, Just So Damn Busy

Hi All - I know its been a while, but it seems that all us SGCs are stupid, crazy busy. I've been dealing with some things, which I'll write about later. I just need to get through it and I'll be able to write about it. No, its not the boy. Although we aren't seeing each other any more. That's another story I'll tell. It was his idea and the reason why makes me more irritated at males than angry. It defies logic. All I have to say is, never give a guy what he wants, apparently it isn't what he wants. I'll let that marinate for a while.


Nik

Dating FAQs

People at my job speak in acronyms. Its like a foreign language to me. I know its to speed up conversations, save room on documents, but can't a girl get a little depth? (i just had the dirtiest thought, hee hee) Although I can live without TLAs (three letter acronyms) FAQ(frequently asked questions) is one I rather like. So it got me to thinking about FAQs in the dating world.

If there were FAQs people wouldn't have to spend time drinking and commiserating(one must drink when commiserating) with their friends about what it meant when he said they were seeing each other as opposed to dating. Or what does it mean to take things to another level. I know what you all are thinking, what happened to The Guy? Nothing happened. I just thought FAQs in the dating world would be a fun blog post.

I realize I'm not like most girls. I don't think any of us are like the average girl, especially the ladies who read SGC. However, I do think we are lumped along with the fictional average girl. And I think it's time to separate ourselves from the pack, so to speak, and draw a line between the average and the exceptional. What would your FAQ say? Here is mine:

1. Can we just hang out? Hmm, I'm going to take that as you're just into sport fucking (got the term from this chick at work. I like it better than FWB). Alright, I can hang with that, but know it will be on my terms and my terms only. Also, I won't be sport fucking you for long, 'cuz I am a lady.
2. Are you in love with me? If you have to ask, then sadly I am not.
   
3. Would you have a problem with me getting married, but still having sex with you on the side? Oh, that's a good one. Let me think about that for a minute...still thinking. Really, I can't even think of a better answer to your question than...NO!!!!
4. Since you don't want a commitment, why don't we sport fuck for the rest of our lives together? Wait, if I agree to that, wouldn't that be sort of like a commitment? There's your sign!
5. I've never been with a black girl before, would you be my first? Sure, because I have nothing better to do than fulfill someones fantasies. Asshole.
6. So when you say you really like me, you really mean it? Um, yes. Especially if I let you put my legs over my head. Holla!!!
7. Did you fake it? Darlin' what's the point of faking it? I'm with you because I've already figured out I wouldn't have to fake it with you.
8. Would you let me...? I'm up for just about anything if you ask nicely, but I get veto power.

I leave the rest to you all. I'm curious to see what you have to add.


Nik

The 'Girl' Thing

Lately, I've been dressing up for work. By dress up, I mean just that, wearing skirts and dresses. I find when I wear skirts and dresses I'm more feminine and more accepting of help from men. Things like holding the door for me when I don't ask, carrying something semi-heavy, driving. It's like something in my mind clicks on and I'm totally accepting of the fact that I'm a woman,gentle and feminine, and I should be treated as such. That's not to say that I don't feel that way when i wear slacks or jeans, but I do notice a difference with guys. If I'm wearing a cute top, heels and a pair of jeans, I've got to carry my own damn box. But the skirts and dresses seem to bring out the man in the opposite sex. I also notice that it doesn't bother me as much when a guy does something for me that I can do myself. My excuse is that I'm wearing a skirt, I'm not walking that far, lifting that heavy thing, or sitting on the floor. I don't feel like voicing my concern about it diminishes my capabilities in any way. Just a thought I had when I was wearing my cute skirt and cute heels, while I had guy after guy opening doors for me today. ;)

The Talk That Never Was

I didn't have the "Talk" with the NB (I'm going to have to call him something else as he's not all that new or a boy). I realized I'm not ready for it. Also, I let myself (for a brief second) become like other girls. Asking questions like, where is this going? What do we mean to each other? This is not me, but for a second, it seemed awkward that I didn't over-analyze my relationship with this guy. Luckily before I talked to him, I had a little talk with myself. Something I usually do, but decided to go against nature this time.

Men I take on a case by case basis. I do not lump them all together and classify them as all the same. It's so easy to do. Oh so easy. However, most guys I will give the benefit of the doubt. There are no doubts about the NB, its the benefit of having known him for several months before we started seeing each other. So when I sat down and asked myself where I wanted our relationship to go, I realized I didn't know. I wasn't sure. What I was sure of was that I liked spending time with him. I liked getting to know him. Other than that...I didn't know. I didn't know because of where we are in our lives. I don't know where I want to be next year. Also, I have some serious family issues I'm dealing with that requires me to be more cautious when fully letting someone into my life. Some of my friends think I use it as a cop-out, but I say, "unless you've walked a mile in my shoes...". And that's not to say he couldn't handle it, but why ask him to when I'm unsure?

End result is that I'm going to let it be. I won't force it and enjoy our relationship for what it is right now. I'll let things happen organically. I'm not in a rush and something tells me neither is he.

The other man(men) in my life

I've talked too much about the Guy. Now it's time to talk about the other men in my life, the guys I work with. After the debacle at my previous job, my current job is like a breath of fresh air. Instead of there being a bunch of women, now I'm around a bunch of dudes. In college all of my friends were guys, with the exception of my three girls, but they didn't go to my college so it doesn't count. Then the guys in my life scattered to all corners of the earth, literally, and then came the herd of heifers (i say this lovingly). There is something to be said about being in a guy concentrated environment.

The thing about hanging out with guys that I like is that I get to be a loose. Looser than I usually am. ;) With guys there is no pretense. Women have a tendency to sugar coat and present issues with ulterior motives. Guys just tell it like it is. I also respect the lack of endless analyzing that us women are prone to do. I usually go to my guy friends when I want to hear the brutal truth and to my girl friends when I want to hear the truth, but sugar coated.

The Dept scheduled a fishing trip, most of the guys are pretty active and like to do the typical guy stuff. Now for all who know me, fishing is NOT a thing Nik does. However, I'm usually game for documenting shenanigans and trying (almost) anything once. So I got up at 4 am to drive down to the beach so we can set sail by 6. Well, we had to wait for most of our group to get there and didn't set sail until about 6:30am. And they say women are always late. The guys start drinking immediately. I'm thinking, not a good thing to do on a rocky boat, but oh the pictures I will take! There is a galley on the boat and we all start ordering food, and sit down by the cook (it was a small galley) to play poker. After awhile, I started getting sick. The galley didn't have any ventilation, so it got stuffy quick, plus the smell of frying meat. Not a good feeling. I go out on deck and half of the guys are draped over the side of the boat throwing up. Let me tell you that for weeks before the trip, the guys were teasing me about being such a girlie girl and I wouldn't catch any fish and I'd get sick. Yeah, well I was the only one who didn't throw up. After about 4 hours one guys was so bad we needed to turn around and go back to shore. When we got to shore, 8 other guys decided they'd had enough and needed to go home to bed. The rest of us went back out for several more hours and I had a great time. I caught about 4 fish, but could only keep two. The other guys didn't catch a thing. HA HA HA!!! Silly boys.

One of the best things about hanging out with guys is beating them at their own game. I teased them for a solid week after that. Never under estimate the power of a woman! HOLLA!

Nik

Sometimes, I wish was someone different

I have this problem. It's really bad. I've had it all my conscious life and I just can't shake it. My problem is...I can't lie to myself. I'm sure all of us has a friend who sees things in life a certain way that has you thinking,"is she for real? how did she come to that conclusion?". Sometimes, I want to be that person. I want to be able to lie to myself and love it. Then I won't have to make difficult decisions or own up to my actions. It seems like it would be great! Unfortunately, since I don't lie to myself, I know it isn't for me. Ugh!! Sometimes, I get on my own nerves!!

A few posts ago I said that I hate having 'the talk'. Well now the fact that it hasn't come up is bugging the hell out of me. Yet, when I go over what I want to get out of it, I realize I don't know. I seriously do not what I want from having this talk. After most talks a relationship is defined, expectations are put on the table. Ugh, expectations. Expectations require commitment. I'm not ready to be committed. I'm not saying I can't be. I just haven't met that person I wanted to be committed to. And this is where my relationships start to fall. I don't think dating someone for 4-5 months is a long time. I'm a slow started and I don't feel like I've gotten to know a person long enough to be committed to them. Unfortunately, past relationships have shown me that most guys do think that is enough time to take the relationship to another level or just drop it all together. So now I'm faced with this person I'd like to keep around longer than 4 months, thus the talk. Wish me luck.

I just don't get it

I celebrated my birthday this past weekend. Good times were had by all. At least that's what the pictures indicate. As I looked through the pictures with my mother(well the ones that were mommy proofed) she kept saying, "what beautiful girls. why are they single again?" I know most of us would react to that question with, "because they want to be", but that's not the case. With the exception of two friends, one who is already in a relationship and another who says she want to focus on her career, my friends want to be in a relationship.

We went to dinner and dancing for my birthday. During the dancing, not one guy expressed an interest in any of the girls, if they did, I didn't see it. Granted, the girls could have gone up to any guy they had an interest in, but let's face it, it's rare for that to happen. So it falls to the guy to make that first move. None did, and my friends are hot. Not she's cute, but she has a great personality. Hot, WITH a great personality. What more could a man ask for, a golden snatch?

I'm reading this book about how men have been devalued and are basically becoming obsolete in society. As women advance, men become stagnate. Sadly, radical feminists(or the misguided feminist) have been so focused on women getting ahead, there wasn't much consideration to who they would relate to when they reached "the promised land." I'm inclined to agree with certain arguments in the book, but when I witness things like last Saturday night, I think, WTF? Unfortunately, we now have guys who say its so hard on them, that they hate rejection and women should shoulder half the responsibility of getting together. So basically women are now supposed to go out bring home the bacon, cook it, birth the babies, take care of them AND see a man, approach him, convince him she's the one for him, THEN take care of his ass too? it's no wonder they are becoming obsolete, they are mitigating their purpose and importance. well, besides the obvious purpose and even then, science is moving so rapidly that we won't need them for that anymore.

This makes me sad. Would I give up the advancement of females just to have more males be men? No. Why should I? How about they man up to the new generation of woman? I mean really.

When to have, 'The TALK'

oh, 'the talk'.you know what i mean, the talk you have with the person you're dating as to what you mean to them. what is your status in their life. girlfriend? boyfriend? booty-call? what?! i don't like it because i'm one of those weird people who actually means what i say. my word is my bond. if i say i'm going to do something, i will bend over backwards trying to do it(actually, it's kinda easy considering i can literally bend over backwards).

so i've been dating the NB for several months now and neither of us have brought our status to one another. i don't feel it's the right time. i don't know what he's thinking, but several of his friends have classified me as his "girl". he doesn't correct them either way and i don't mind. i like this loosely defined period. i feel like i'm sampling the goods without actually making the purchase (i'm pretty sure i want to buy). i know it is all about timing. when the right time comes, it'll come. i usually wait until i feel it. the times i haven't, guys have left because i was taking too long. well, good riddance. but this guy now? i want to keep him around... but as my boyfriend? again, when should you have, 'the talk'?

This is what happens when I talk to DJ

It's vulgar, hilarious, and rings true. A little authority works(only in the right setting though).

I Want...

I want (in no particular order)
1. To live on a tropical island
2. Have a million dollars(i'm not greedy) mysteriously deposited into my bank account monthly
3. Do good works. I'm going to need to do something with the 12 million a year.
4. Travel the world - on a private jet. I hate the lines at the airport.
5. Eat, and stay a size 6 forever
6. Have more time to read my favorite blogs, books, magazines
7. Hang out with the NB more. Our schedules are seriously conflicting right now. Can you say, frustrating?
8. Catch up on all the delicious sleep I'm missing out on
9. The perfect Bellini
10. To plan the perfect party for the last year of my 20s


What do you want?

Catcalls? I say, nay nay!!

I like to be admired by men just as much as the next girl, but the one of the things that makes me feel like taking a scalding hot shower is catcalls. Male adoration is all well and good, as long as it's done in a way that reduce the woman to a slab of meat and him the ravenous dog ready to gobble it up. Here are some of my most recent catcalls.

1. Last summer I was at Venice Beach with some friends. We were doing the Vendor Crawl, where you look at every vendor's goods and don't buy a damn thing. We approach this one vendor selling paintings of black folks (ala, Good Times), all of a sudden we here this voice shout out, "GOD DAMN!! You are so beautiful!! I know a man who would love to take care of you and treat you like the queen you are!!" I look up and this guy(the artist I guess) was looking at me intently with his hands clasped over his heart. Having an idea who the 'guy' he was talking about is, I ask, "Really, who?" He responds,"Me, girrrlll!" Oh great... Don't get me wrong, the guy wasn't unattractive, just not attractive to me. Especially hollering at me so loud that half of VB can hear you. My friends heckle me. I thank the guy for the compliment and move on.

2. I'm walking from my office building to a restaurant and this man sitting at a bus stop hollers at me from across the street, " Hey Girl, where your man at?!?!" My immediate response was, "At work!" The guy responds, "Well go home and tell him he's a lucky man." Though the holler was a little embarrassing, it was a nice change from the normal catcall.

I'm sure you ladies have experienced some of the same. Share your stories.