I need to back to high school...

and learn about this thing they call "chemistry" -- seeing as how that's a class you must take junior year so maybe going back to high school will help me in my quest. i mean, seeing as how i pretty much failed the academic version of "chemistry", i seem to still be confused with the other kind of "chemistry", or "sparks" in a relational sense. (and i admit i'm also definitely still way confused about elements and atoms and all that other useless crap).

i for one, think that when you first meet someone, there's something that initially draws you toward them. it might be looks, it might not. it might be how they smile, how they're laughing with their friends, whatever floats your boat. and many times, that initial attraction doesn't pan out - you talk to them and you find something disappointing out about them -- like they're unable to form complete sentences, or maybe the first thing they tell you is that your ass looks hot in those jeans. OR, on the flipside, you could talk, and they could be witty and funny and smart, and just have what i like to call "IT." there's something that makes you want to keep talking to them, something that is intriguing and that you're excited about. the latter is what you always hope will happen.

but here's the dilemma - is this "spark" even real -- is it even necessary? now, i'm not talking about when you make a connection with someone - as in have a great conversation, you like the same food and you just both finished reading "war and peace." that's a great connection for sure, on paper. but that's not "IT" -- "IT" is something different, something unexplainable. you can meet plenty of people you get along with, plenty of people that you can have a great connection with -- but it doesn't mean you necessarily get that feeling that i'm referring to. but i guess which should come first, if at all - the connection or the spark? can the spark come later, after the connection has been established? or if "IT" isn't there in the beginning, is it just not meant to be?

in my experience, having that "IT-ness" there in the beginning makes for a passionate relationship...especially if you keep the "IT" factor in play. but then those relationships have crashed and burned. is that coincidence, or is there a common thread? is it better to have a connection in other ways--morals, values, career goals, life goals -- and then hope the "IT" comes...or do you hold out for the whole package, that instant spark and pasion along with everything else you're looking for? girls...help me out! xo