Boys! I'm surrounded by boys!

My sister and I went to each other's Holiday Parties this past weekend. I work for a software company and my sister a law firm. Her party was so much more fun than mine. If it wasn't for my Sales guys, I think I might have fallen asleep in my salad. There are no hip people at my company. None. The venue was beautiful, but the atmosphere was frigid and people were trying to act like it was the best place ever. Next year if I'm there, I'm joining the planning committee, cause no. That can never happen again.

With that said, let's get onto Guy #1: He is one of the guys on my floor. One of those athletic, guy's guy. He doesn't take himself too seriously. He knows how to work hard and play hard. He's just yummy. He's totally not my style. He's good-looking, nice body, but just not my style. However, there is this tension I'm feeling when we're together. I've seen him give me the once over more than once. ;) Two problems though, he's 4 years younger than I and we work together. Two big no-no's. So I just enjoy the what-if of him.

Guy#2: I met him at my sister's Holiday Party. The one that was at a cool lounge in downtown LA, with an open PREMIUM SPIRITS bar. 500 people strolling through the place but it doesn't seem crowded. Great music, great food, great atmosphere. Toward the end of the night I'm sitting by myself waiting for my sister to say goodbye to all 500 of them, that girl is networker to her heart. This guy happens to sit next to me. At first he was talking to some people and I don't pay him any mind. Then the people disappeared and he and I start talking. He seemed cute. There was an easy flow of conversation. He was a little lit though, so maybe he was funny because of the liquor. He has a kind of Kal Penn vibe about him. That was cool, but again, not really my type. However, I did give him my phone number. I know I know. Why? Well, because I usually very picky. Not about looks or what the person does (lawyer who is starting his own practice), but just about the feeling I get when I'm around the person. If the vibe is right, I'll take it a step further and give them my number. Besides, I never think a guy is going to call, so it didn't matter to me. Well, he did call. He was sober so the conversation had some ackward pauses. We left off with trying to figure out a time to meet up. He said he was going to be out of town this week and I'm busy the next week (he didn't like that too much), so we'll see.

I'm done with the madness of the past few months, so I'll be writing more often. Also, I have to catch up with all of your blogs. I try to at least keep up with So@, but that little bugger has been busy!

Happy Holidays!!

P.S. Check out Val's Blog, she's traveling South East Asia.
http://valsgreatadventure.blogspot.com/

Not Dead, Just So Damn Busy

Hi All - I know its been a while, but it seems that all us SGCs are stupid, crazy busy. I've been dealing with some things, which I'll write about later. I just need to get through it and I'll be able to write about it. No, its not the boy. Although we aren't seeing each other any more. That's another story I'll tell. It was his idea and the reason why makes me more irritated at males than angry. It defies logic. All I have to say is, never give a guy what he wants, apparently it isn't what he wants. I'll let that marinate for a while.


Nik

Dating FAQs

People at my job speak in acronyms. Its like a foreign language to me. I know its to speed up conversations, save room on documents, but can't a girl get a little depth? (i just had the dirtiest thought, hee hee) Although I can live without TLAs (three letter acronyms) FAQ(frequently asked questions) is one I rather like. So it got me to thinking about FAQs in the dating world.

If there were FAQs people wouldn't have to spend time drinking and commiserating(one must drink when commiserating) with their friends about what it meant when he said they were seeing each other as opposed to dating. Or what does it mean to take things to another level. I know what you all are thinking, what happened to The Guy? Nothing happened. I just thought FAQs in the dating world would be a fun blog post.

I realize I'm not like most girls. I don't think any of us are like the average girl, especially the ladies who read SGC. However, I do think we are lumped along with the fictional average girl. And I think it's time to separate ourselves from the pack, so to speak, and draw a line between the average and the exceptional. What would your FAQ say? Here is mine:

1. Can we just hang out? Hmm, I'm going to take that as you're just into sport fucking (got the term from this chick at work. I like it better than FWB). Alright, I can hang with that, but know it will be on my terms and my terms only. Also, I won't be sport fucking you for long, 'cuz I am a lady.
2. Are you in love with me? If you have to ask, then sadly I am not.
   
3. Would you have a problem with me getting married, but still having sex with you on the side? Oh, that's a good one. Let me think about that for a minute...still thinking. Really, I can't even think of a better answer to your question than...NO!!!!
4. Since you don't want a commitment, why don't we sport fuck for the rest of our lives together? Wait, if I agree to that, wouldn't that be sort of like a commitment? There's your sign!
5. I've never been with a black girl before, would you be my first? Sure, because I have nothing better to do than fulfill someones fantasies. Asshole.
6. So when you say you really like me, you really mean it? Um, yes. Especially if I let you put my legs over my head. Holla!!!
7. Did you fake it? Darlin' what's the point of faking it? I'm with you because I've already figured out I wouldn't have to fake it with you.
8. Would you let me...? I'm up for just about anything if you ask nicely, but I get veto power.

I leave the rest to you all. I'm curious to see what you have to add.


Nik

The 'Girl' Thing

Lately, I've been dressing up for work. By dress up, I mean just that, wearing skirts and dresses. I find when I wear skirts and dresses I'm more feminine and more accepting of help from men. Things like holding the door for me when I don't ask, carrying something semi-heavy, driving. It's like something in my mind clicks on and I'm totally accepting of the fact that I'm a woman,gentle and feminine, and I should be treated as such. That's not to say that I don't feel that way when i wear slacks or jeans, but I do notice a difference with guys. If I'm wearing a cute top, heels and a pair of jeans, I've got to carry my own damn box. But the skirts and dresses seem to bring out the man in the opposite sex. I also notice that it doesn't bother me as much when a guy does something for me that I can do myself. My excuse is that I'm wearing a skirt, I'm not walking that far, lifting that heavy thing, or sitting on the floor. I don't feel like voicing my concern about it diminishes my capabilities in any way. Just a thought I had when I was wearing my cute skirt and cute heels, while I had guy after guy opening doors for me today. ;)

The Talk That Never Was

I didn't have the "Talk" with the NB (I'm going to have to call him something else as he's not all that new or a boy). I realized I'm not ready for it. Also, I let myself (for a brief second) become like other girls. Asking questions like, where is this going? What do we mean to each other? This is not me, but for a second, it seemed awkward that I didn't over-analyze my relationship with this guy. Luckily before I talked to him, I had a little talk with myself. Something I usually do, but decided to go against nature this time.

Men I take on a case by case basis. I do not lump them all together and classify them as all the same. It's so easy to do. Oh so easy. However, most guys I will give the benefit of the doubt. There are no doubts about the NB, its the benefit of having known him for several months before we started seeing each other. So when I sat down and asked myself where I wanted our relationship to go, I realized I didn't know. I wasn't sure. What I was sure of was that I liked spending time with him. I liked getting to know him. Other than that...I didn't know. I didn't know because of where we are in our lives. I don't know where I want to be next year. Also, I have some serious family issues I'm dealing with that requires me to be more cautious when fully letting someone into my life. Some of my friends think I use it as a cop-out, but I say, "unless you've walked a mile in my shoes...". And that's not to say he couldn't handle it, but why ask him to when I'm unsure?

End result is that I'm going to let it be. I won't force it and enjoy our relationship for what it is right now. I'll let things happen organically. I'm not in a rush and something tells me neither is he.

The other man(men) in my life

I've talked too much about the Guy. Now it's time to talk about the other men in my life, the guys I work with. After the debacle at my previous job, my current job is like a breath of fresh air. Instead of there being a bunch of women, now I'm around a bunch of dudes. In college all of my friends were guys, with the exception of my three girls, but they didn't go to my college so it doesn't count. Then the guys in my life scattered to all corners of the earth, literally, and then came the herd of heifers (i say this lovingly). There is something to be said about being in a guy concentrated environment.

The thing about hanging out with guys that I like is that I get to be a loose. Looser than I usually am. ;) With guys there is no pretense. Women have a tendency to sugar coat and present issues with ulterior motives. Guys just tell it like it is. I also respect the lack of endless analyzing that us women are prone to do. I usually go to my guy friends when I want to hear the brutal truth and to my girl friends when I want to hear the truth, but sugar coated.

The Dept scheduled a fishing trip, most of the guys are pretty active and like to do the typical guy stuff. Now for all who know me, fishing is NOT a thing Nik does. However, I'm usually game for documenting shenanigans and trying (almost) anything once. So I got up at 4 am to drive down to the beach so we can set sail by 6. Well, we had to wait for most of our group to get there and didn't set sail until about 6:30am. And they say women are always late. The guys start drinking immediately. I'm thinking, not a good thing to do on a rocky boat, but oh the pictures I will take! There is a galley on the boat and we all start ordering food, and sit down by the cook (it was a small galley) to play poker. After awhile, I started getting sick. The galley didn't have any ventilation, so it got stuffy quick, plus the smell of frying meat. Not a good feeling. I go out on deck and half of the guys are draped over the side of the boat throwing up. Let me tell you that for weeks before the trip, the guys were teasing me about being such a girlie girl and I wouldn't catch any fish and I'd get sick. Yeah, well I was the only one who didn't throw up. After about 4 hours one guys was so bad we needed to turn around and go back to shore. When we got to shore, 8 other guys decided they'd had enough and needed to go home to bed. The rest of us went back out for several more hours and I had a great time. I caught about 4 fish, but could only keep two. The other guys didn't catch a thing. HA HA HA!!! Silly boys.

One of the best things about hanging out with guys is beating them at their own game. I teased them for a solid week after that. Never under estimate the power of a woman! HOLLA!

Nik

Sometimes, I wish was someone different

I have this problem. It's really bad. I've had it all my conscious life and I just can't shake it. My problem is...I can't lie to myself. I'm sure all of us has a friend who sees things in life a certain way that has you thinking,"is she for real? how did she come to that conclusion?". Sometimes, I want to be that person. I want to be able to lie to myself and love it. Then I won't have to make difficult decisions or own up to my actions. It seems like it would be great! Unfortunately, since I don't lie to myself, I know it isn't for me. Ugh!! Sometimes, I get on my own nerves!!

A few posts ago I said that I hate having 'the talk'. Well now the fact that it hasn't come up is bugging the hell out of me. Yet, when I go over what I want to get out of it, I realize I don't know. I seriously do not what I want from having this talk. After most talks a relationship is defined, expectations are put on the table. Ugh, expectations. Expectations require commitment. I'm not ready to be committed. I'm not saying I can't be. I just haven't met that person I wanted to be committed to. And this is where my relationships start to fall. I don't think dating someone for 4-5 months is a long time. I'm a slow started and I don't feel like I've gotten to know a person long enough to be committed to them. Unfortunately, past relationships have shown me that most guys do think that is enough time to take the relationship to another level or just drop it all together. So now I'm faced with this person I'd like to keep around longer than 4 months, thus the talk. Wish me luck.

I just don't get it

I celebrated my birthday this past weekend. Good times were had by all. At least that's what the pictures indicate. As I looked through the pictures with my mother(well the ones that were mommy proofed) she kept saying, "what beautiful girls. why are they single again?" I know most of us would react to that question with, "because they want to be", but that's not the case. With the exception of two friends, one who is already in a relationship and another who says she want to focus on her career, my friends want to be in a relationship.

We went to dinner and dancing for my birthday. During the dancing, not one guy expressed an interest in any of the girls, if they did, I didn't see it. Granted, the girls could have gone up to any guy they had an interest in, but let's face it, it's rare for that to happen. So it falls to the guy to make that first move. None did, and my friends are hot. Not she's cute, but she has a great personality. Hot, WITH a great personality. What more could a man ask for, a golden snatch?

I'm reading this book about how men have been devalued and are basically becoming obsolete in society. As women advance, men become stagnate. Sadly, radical feminists(or the misguided feminist) have been so focused on women getting ahead, there wasn't much consideration to who they would relate to when they reached "the promised land." I'm inclined to agree with certain arguments in the book, but when I witness things like last Saturday night, I think, WTF? Unfortunately, we now have guys who say its so hard on them, that they hate rejection and women should shoulder half the responsibility of getting together. So basically women are now supposed to go out bring home the bacon, cook it, birth the babies, take care of them AND see a man, approach him, convince him she's the one for him, THEN take care of his ass too? it's no wonder they are becoming obsolete, they are mitigating their purpose and importance. well, besides the obvious purpose and even then, science is moving so rapidly that we won't need them for that anymore.

This makes me sad. Would I give up the advancement of females just to have more males be men? No. Why should I? How about they man up to the new generation of woman? I mean really.

When to have, 'The TALK'

oh, 'the talk'.you know what i mean, the talk you have with the person you're dating as to what you mean to them. what is your status in their life. girlfriend? boyfriend? booty-call? what?! i don't like it because i'm one of those weird people who actually means what i say. my word is my bond. if i say i'm going to do something, i will bend over backwards trying to do it(actually, it's kinda easy considering i can literally bend over backwards).

so i've been dating the NB for several months now and neither of us have brought our status to one another. i don't feel it's the right time. i don't know what he's thinking, but several of his friends have classified me as his "girl". he doesn't correct them either way and i don't mind. i like this loosely defined period. i feel like i'm sampling the goods without actually making the purchase (i'm pretty sure i want to buy). i know it is all about timing. when the right time comes, it'll come. i usually wait until i feel it. the times i haven't, guys have left because i was taking too long. well, good riddance. but this guy now? i want to keep him around... but as my boyfriend? again, when should you have, 'the talk'?

This is what happens when I talk to DJ

It's vulgar, hilarious, and rings true. A little authority works(only in the right setting though).

I Want...

I want (in no particular order)
1. To live on a tropical island
2. Have a million dollars(i'm not greedy) mysteriously deposited into my bank account monthly
3. Do good works. I'm going to need to do something with the 12 million a year.
4. Travel the world - on a private jet. I hate the lines at the airport.
5. Eat, and stay a size 6 forever
6. Have more time to read my favorite blogs, books, magazines
7. Hang out with the NB more. Our schedules are seriously conflicting right now. Can you say, frustrating?
8. Catch up on all the delicious sleep I'm missing out on
9. The perfect Bellini
10. To plan the perfect party for the last year of my 20s


What do you want?

Catcalls? I say, nay nay!!

I like to be admired by men just as much as the next girl, but the one of the things that makes me feel like taking a scalding hot shower is catcalls. Male adoration is all well and good, as long as it's done in a way that reduce the woman to a slab of meat and him the ravenous dog ready to gobble it up. Here are some of my most recent catcalls.

1. Last summer I was at Venice Beach with some friends. We were doing the Vendor Crawl, where you look at every vendor's goods and don't buy a damn thing. We approach this one vendor selling paintings of black folks (ala, Good Times), all of a sudden we here this voice shout out, "GOD DAMN!! You are so beautiful!! I know a man who would love to take care of you and treat you like the queen you are!!" I look up and this guy(the artist I guess) was looking at me intently with his hands clasped over his heart. Having an idea who the 'guy' he was talking about is, I ask, "Really, who?" He responds,"Me, girrrlll!" Oh great... Don't get me wrong, the guy wasn't unattractive, just not attractive to me. Especially hollering at me so loud that half of VB can hear you. My friends heckle me. I thank the guy for the compliment and move on.

2. I'm walking from my office building to a restaurant and this man sitting at a bus stop hollers at me from across the street, " Hey Girl, where your man at?!?!" My immediate response was, "At work!" The guy responds, "Well go home and tell him he's a lucky man." Though the holler was a little embarrassing, it was a nice change from the normal catcall.

I'm sure you ladies have experienced some of the same. Share your stories.

Chivalry is soooo dead!!

I'm a strong capable woman. I'm very self sufficient and independent. I can take care of myself in most situations. However, there comes a time when if I'm struggling with something and there is a male around who can lend a helping hand, I expect his help. Is that so much to ask? I mean really.

I was dropping off a car at the rental car place and I had all this shit in my hands, my laptop bag, gym bag and purse. After I finished settling the bill I needed a ride to the dealership to pick up my car. Remember, I'm struggling with my three bags. Does the Rental Car guy open the car door for me so I can put the bags in the back, or maybe pop the trunk? NO! When we get to the dealership, does he offer to help get the bags out the car? NO!! Does he even gesture in any way to help me with my bags? HELL NO!!! I got out of the car and before I could open the back door, he's putting the car in reverse. WTF???!!!!

I know there is women's lib and women have made great strides in social equality, but DAMN!! Sometimes it's not about gender equality, but more about human decency. I would have offered to help him if the roles were reversed.

Regardless, I don't care how much gender equality there is, sometimes a lady should be treated like a lady. Dumb Fucker. ;)

I don't wanna be a playa no more...

I went to a party where I was reminded of one of the most awkward situations I had back in college. It was late Friday night after debate practice, an old friend, Jeff, from out of town comes by to see the team and to pick me up for drinks. My new friend, Ben, was there as well. He was also on the team and knew Jeff. Before I go any further, I should tell you that Jeff and I have a bit of an unspoken history. We're cool to this day, but he's like that one guy/girl you can't seem to forget no matter how hard you try.

Ben was one of those guys who I had around to help me forget Jeff. I don't know if he subconsciously knew it, but every time I mentioned Jeff, he bugged out. I got a healthy dose of that drama several months later. Remind me to tell you about the temper tantrum he threw, it was crazy.

We invited Ben to come along to the local restaurant/bar we were going to, but he refused. Jeff and I go to the bar and meet up with some of our mutual friends. Who happens to be there, but another guy I thought would help me get over my infatuation with Jeff. WTF? It was raining men, but not in a good way. And of course Jeff picks up on mood and says, "old boyfriend?" and laughs. Ass. I don't know about you, but I have anxiety of people who have known intimate knowledge of me being in the same room together. I'd rather they didn't have an opportunity to swap stories. I'm just saying.

I was reminded of this episode because of a party I went to several weeks ago. I'm at NB's(the new boy) house party. I happened to arrive early so, no one was really there and I was hanging out with him in his bedroom. After a while, people start coming in the house, so we leave the room. Who is the first person I see as I leave NB's room? None other than NB's neighbor, who I hooked up with 8 months before at another of NB's house parties. Again, awkward. Although I've been over to NB's house several times, I hadn't seen the neighbor since that last party so I kind of put him out of my mind. When he sees me, he says, "I know you!" I was thinking, great, just don't say anything about what happened. Not that I have something to be ashamed of, I'd just rather my business kept private. Plus, I wasn't dating NB when it happened. The neighbor is no longer a neighbor. Really, does NB really need to know?

I need a topic

I have writer's block. Nothing interesting is going on in my life and I must have blocked out the more interesting parts of my past. I need a topic. Any suggestions? Questions? I usually have a lot to say, but right now...nothing. Help a girl out.

No Touchy!

Yes, I've been absent from the blog for a looooooong time but I've been stupid busy (more on that later). But I really have the need to vent right now.

So my and my sister go out tonight and make two stops - #1: The show for a band a friend plays in (not Seb, another guy) for his birthday; #2: A bar near my house that we adore where there is dancing on the weekends.

The second stop wasn't planned but it's so close to home, we thought we'd roll by and check it out. Walking up the block to get to the bar, this drunk dude told us that he loved us and thought we were pretty in Spanish while rolling a handmade cigarette. Which would've been sort of charming had it not been for the whole rolling action.

Then, on the way in, this short, rotund dude I'd never, ever date decided it was a good idea to grab my arm and say, "You would get here just as I was leaving."

My response? Pulling my arm away and giving him a look that most likely said, "Bitch please."

We only stayed for about 10 minutes and decided we were much too tired to stick around and, on the way out, Dude I'd Never Date #2 decided it was a good idea to grab my elbow to get my attention. I glanced at him and pulled my arm away and guess what? He just grabbed at my elbow some more. I think he might've been saying something but I honestly can't recall. I yanked my arm away (which now felt dirty), looked at him like he was crazy and kept walking.

I. Fucking. Hate. That.

I'm still kind of pissed off about it, actually. I've talked about The Grabber before. I've never been a fan but it hasn't happen in so long that I forgot just how much I hate it. And sweet buttery Christmas, it happened TWICE in a 10 minutes span!

Look, if I'm leaving or you're leaving, whatever the fuck, don't grab me. I don't know about you but I've been trained to instantly be prepared to defend myself if a stranger grabs me from out of nowhere. Unless I turn around and it's The Rock or Jensen Ackles, all you're doing is setting yourself up for a dirty look at best, physical assault at worst. And I don't know a single woman that particular move works on, do you?

So, my bit of advice in the wee hours of this Saturday morning is, if you're really interested in talking to a girl, take the time to tap her on the shoulder or say excuse me or say excuse me while gently taking her hand or square dance in front of her or almost anything other than laying your paws on her. Because immediate disqualification. Or immediate knee to the groin.

Let Me Upgrade You...

I've been entertaining the thought of someone for the past few weeks. I like this period in the relationship (?) when you haven't defined what you are yet, but you're open to the possibility of more. It's like wading into the ocean, you start with your toe and work your way up. When you're fully immersed, that's when you've decided that it's for the long haul. Well, I'm about calf-deep. The water feels pretty nice and I think I might stay in long enough to see how nice it can get.

The New Boy (L) isn't so new. I've known him for about a year. Several months ago I started to realize that I was attracted to him and just recently we started seeing each other. Right now he's a breathe of fresh air. I don't know about you ladies (or guys), but I always come into contact with guys who feel the need to challenge me. These guys are constantly looking for some chink in my armor. I hate it! L isn't that way. He's confident in who he is enough not feel threatened by the fabulousness that is Nik. :) I adore this quality.

Here's the thing I don't like, his pillows. I know it's stupid, but I like a fluffy pillow and I think everyone should have them. I thought about it so much I almost went out and bought him two new fluffy pillows. I knew of a department store sale so I figured it would be cool. But I stopped myself. I'm not this man's girlfriend or his mother. If I start down this path, I'll be changing every other thing I think needs a little upgrading. I say upgrade because I don't want his core to change, but there are some qualities about him that I see need a little spit shine. What is it about us women that when we get something new we have to customize it to our liking? Why can't we just leave it alone and enjoy it for what it is?

What Happened to Nik?

About a month and a half ago, I quit my job. I didn't have another lined up, I just got fed up with my bitch ass boss and said, "PEACE". When I say bitchass, I mean straight up certifiable Bitchassness . All the single girls here know about the story so I will not rehash it. Suffice to say, I have never met a bigger bitch ass mother fucker in my life! And I am secure in the knowledge that the person who replaces me will not fill the position as well as I did. Oh well fucker! That's what you get for not recognizing a gem when you had one!

Moving on. Now I have a much better job. Having only been there two weeks, things seem promising. However, my sleep schedule is all fucked up and I've been too tired to do anything but come home and crash. And see the New Boy. That's another story for another day. I haven't decided if I want to tell it yet.

I'm off to catch up on all the blogs I've missed.

Nik

Inspired by DJ

DJ and I had a conversation about men (as usual) and what she was saying made me think of this clip. Obviously I'm a fan of Chris Rock. I can't help it if the man makes sense to me. Enjoy.

Knowledge is Power - Listen!

That Girl

We’ve all seen her. That girl in the club/bar/grocery store/wherever walking around with her ass cheeks hanging out of what I’m guessing is supposed to be a skirt. She’s the girl who I can't help being totally annoyed by...but even still I hate hating this chick because no matter what logical reason I have for thinking she’s absolutely ridiculous, if I make any sort of comment about the lack of clothes and exposed body parts, I’m immediately lumped into the category of being a “hater” or “jealous" - which of course, is entirely not the case. It's not a case of being a hater at all, but hating what she's portraying and what message she's putting out there for all to see.

While I’m definitely pro-fashion-choices and people being who they are without apology, I really get irked by women who choose to dress like total hoochies. I personally feel there is a fine line between being ultra-sexy and just plain tacky. When I think of sexy women I think Halle Berry, Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba – do these women let it all hang out in a pair of spandex leopard print pants and cleavage up to their necks? Definitely not.

I think women who dress like superskanks make it harder on the rest of us. These women are so obviously serving themselves up on this “please, objectify me” platter that leaves Dickhead Joe Schmo thinking we’re all like that and that we actually welcome (or enjoy?!) being attacked in a driveby ass grab or “accidental” boob graze. It’s happened to the best of us and it’s really just plain nasty.

What also bothers me is that guys actually pay attention to these girls. While I admit that I can’t help but look (often in horror), I’m guessing my male friends aren’t looking in disgust, but probably more in LUST. So my question for the boys is – what is the intrigue? I mean, I know (most) of you would never actually consider taking a girl like this home to mom (I’m being real glass-half-full here), but what makes you go ga-ga over these skank-a-nators? It leaves the nice - and often more fully dressed girls - ignored and wondering what the fuck is going on.

So shed some light!

Inspired by DJ

A little funny for the end of the week.

Coffee and The Ex

"Hi there, long time no talk"

Oh, is it that time already? The bi-annual "check in" from The Ex? My, time does fly. It seems only yesterday I was reading an awkwardly-penned email asking if I'd like to "grab coffee and catch up," the first post-breakup correspondence we'd had since the demise of our 2 year relationship 5 months earlier. We had coffee, it was nice, we went our separate ways with a "let's keep in touch" from him and an "ummhmm" from me. It was pleasant, cordial, with splash of Familiar and Comforting thrown in to confuse me. But I still walked away with a lingering sense of Things Left Unsaid. So when the little gchat window popped up on my computer screen yesterday with a request for Coffee Round 2, I felt that familiar urge to let him know exactly what I think of him and his appallingly tactless breakup manners.

Long story short, the breakup didn't go well. It wasn't a battle of epic proportions, it wasn't a tragedy, it wasn't World War III. It just didn't do justice to me, or to our relationship. Things could have been said differently, handled better. To skip the tedious details (unless you want to hear them), when all is said and done -- I don't feel particularly charitable in the post-breakup Friendship department. At the risk of sounding like I have an over-inflated ego, I don't really know if he deserves my friendship. There I said it.

But I've reached a point where I want to let go of the bitterness and resentment. As a friend said, it only holds me back from moving on to bigger and better things (and something about soup?). For my emotional health and wellbeing, it's time to let go. But does forgiving mean forgetting? Does letting go involve me getting some things off my chest? Have I passed the expiration date for speaking my piece? Is it even worth it?

For those of you who know me, I can be a trifle stubborn at times. -cough- Ok I can be a stubborn ass. I hold grudges, I feel things deeply and don't easily forget when I've been wronged.

This forgiveness business is going to be tricky ...

Thank You. Now Can You Do It Again?

I love the girls who read our blog. However, I am a red-blooded heterosexual woman and I'm wondering where the boys are? Do I have to write a scathing post about the many deficiencies of the male sex? If that's what will unearth you, I will. Try me. ;)

I have a question. When do you let the freak out when getting busy on the regular with a guy ( i really need to stop watching BET, but i feel the need to support my misguided people)? I'm just curious. Would it scare them away if you wanted to be more aggressive? Should you follow the lead? I know that it takes some time to get to know the other person and how you work together. Yet, sometimes don't you feel the need to throw him down and ...

For all their talk of women being more aggressive in making the first move, I think it's a lie. I think they'd run for the hills if a girl really laid her cards on the table and told him to strip. Hee Hee.

Again, I need a big drink

I just need to feel you on top of me

Seriously, I've had it. I've been in this phase where I think I want a relationship of substance and depth, but the thought makes me cringe. I don't know why, I'm just very stuck in my ways and not willing to compromise right now. Thus, I'm not in a relationship or looking for one. I'm fine with this. Except for one thing.

I need, want, desire, hunger for some loving. I'm seriously frustrated, but I'm not into the casual thing. Nor, do I want to start a relationship just because I want sex on the regular. Nothings worse than dating a guy that the only reason you want him around is to have sex with him. So, I'm frustrated. I'm not happy. And this is affecting my wallet. Since I can't satisfy one urge, I've satisfied another.

I've been shopping. Shoes, purses, clothes. Mmmm. Though this does make me happy, I'm pretty sure I'd be happier with....

I need a big drink.

Historic Election - Unique Position

The 2008 race to presidency is one of the most historic elections in our country. For some in the United States, the most historic election. Now that I'm out in the workforce, seeing where my tax dollars are going and looking for ways to make a difference, I'm more involved in the political process. Although I've voted in every election since I turned 18, it's never felt like the possibility of major change after an election. I've never felt like I would be greatly disappointed if the election didn't go the way I voted. Of course there is disappointment, but now... There will be a sense of apathy towards the electoral process. I find myself in a position I hoped would come, but somehow, it snuck on me. An African American and a woman are among the viable presidential candidates to run in the November elections. Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. This holds significance for me because I am an African American woman. Plus, I'm reminded of a conversation I had with a friend a long time ago. Who should achieve equality first in our country, women or minorities? She felt it should be women.

It's easy for her, as a Caucasian female, to say that women have it the hardest in our society over minorities. That's her view of life. However, she was adamant with me when I brought up any counter-arguments to her claim. Her argument was that through equality for women, it would then be easier for minorities to achieve it. She felt that women were the bigger victims(her words, not mine) of societal rules. I couldn't agree. When I looked at my past, family, and culture, the women are not victims. Granted, I haven't made a case study of all African American women, but the ones I've been around would not like you calling them a victim. They'd give you a dead-on impression of the Val evil eye followed by hands on hips, a roll of their head and a hefty helping of a piece of their mind. I really don't think achieving equality for women and minorities needs to be done in incremental steps. There shouldn't be a first. It should just be.

Both Obama and Clinton have similar platforms. Except one has more experience than the other. It's been a major issue in the debates, Obama's limited experience with foreign policy and Hillary's track record with heading up several committees within the government. I don't like the fact that there is a lot more mud slinging going on since the Feb 8 primary elections. Before that they both handled themselves with grace and class. I guess that's what happens when it gets close to the wire and there isn't an obvious winner. So it seems that since I couldn't answer the question of who should achieve equality first, our society will do it for me. Whoever gets the the bid from the Democratic Party reflects a social change only for the better. I just wonder which one it will be

The First Kiss

I woke up this morning around 3 am couldn't go back to sleep for an hour. I hate that! While I lay there willing myself back to sleep, I start to think of topics to post here. My favorite one is, The First Kiss.

The first time you kiss someone you are attracted to has so much riding on whether you'll continue the association. Whether you've just met the person a few hours ago at a party or you've known them for some time, you still want the first time you lock lips to be...mmm, yummy. Yummy is my word for things that make me feel good. Moving on. The first kiss should be all about exploring the other person, not diving in tongue first. (Ew! Cut that mess out.) Being aware enough to note the other's reaction to what you're doing, or not doing. They say a woman knows withing five minutes of meeting you if she'll sleep with you. I'm inclined to agree. However, if the first time you kiss her sucks, it's an automatic DQ. I'm just saying.

Regardless of all that, I like to know that my instincts were right. Mmm, yummy. ;)

Dear Male Friend:

Hi. Your friend "Platonic Girl Buddy" here. How are you? Good, me too. So I was wondering, do you ever stop to think about how you talk about other girls in front of me? No? Didn't think so. Now, of course I don't care if you drool over that busty blonde at the end of the bar, or if you do a double take at that gorgeous brunette sweeping by us on the sidewalk. Nor do I mind when you go on (and on...and on) about Carmen Electra's rack, or Kim Kardass...ashian's, well, ass. Yes, they're nice. I don't mind these conversations, so long as I can chime in about Daniel Craig's broad shoulders and abs of steel (I'm salivating as we speak).

But it's when you start picking girls apart that I feel the need to object. "Did you see Janet? That girl's sure packed on the pounds" or "Dude, what is up with Tina's ass, why is it so HUGE" or any comment equating a girl's boob size to an unflattering object (ironing board, for example). You don't think this makes us a bit uneasy, considering most of us aren't exactly Cindy Crawford?

I'm all for ogling beautiful people -- let's just keep it in the realm of who's hot, as opposed to who's not. Oh and for the record? Telling a girl she has (and I quote) "child-bearing hips" will get you nowhere. Absolutely nowhere.

Old-Fashioned Values vs Modern Progression

I was driving to work the other day listening to the latest Jill Scott album. I don't know why, but I started thinking about a conversation dj and I had about pick-up lines women could give men. Though we were talking about cheesy, silly lines, I started thinking of how women nowadays let a man know she's interested, yet still not fall completely into the antiquated role of women waiting around for a guy to get up the nerve to approach her or not fully embrace the role of , "I Am Woman. Hear Me Roar!" and club him over the head and drag him back to her lair. As always, I've bitten off more than I can chew....


Though I consider myself a modern woman, I appreciate some of the old-fashioned rules that come with male-female relations. Walk on the curb side of the sidewalk, open doors for me, and the best one, ask me out first. There is something I find attractive about a guy who knows what he wants and goes after it. I'm not talking stalker, but a guy with a goal (me) is hot. A guy friend of mine says it's because I like the chase. Maybe. I doubt it. However, if I were to take that position, what is wrong with that? I'll drop you the appropriate hints, but you have to seal the deal. I'm not into the game of making a guy jump through ridiculous hoops in order to get me to go out with them, but I like to know that he's willing to put in the effort for me. Does that make sense?

Then there are the women who are aggressive go getters. When it comes to approaching men, I'm not her. Also, I've heard from a lot of guys they don't consider her girlfriend material. Booty calls, are a different story. My guy friend says that he would like a girl to ask him out every once in awhile. Something about taking the pressure off him in having to be the one to make an effort. I say WTF? There are more women than there are men in this country. The pressure is on the woman. Therefore, he should make more of an effort. Even if girls drop hints to guys, they don't get it. I know, no one likes to be rejected, yet the chips seem to be stacked against the girls.

After all that, I'm confused and frustrated. Now what?